pls ,pls ,pls just give it a look!!!!!!!

[maybells]

<p>pls rate my essay and give me some suggestions and remarks....</p>

<p>ques:-"Can success be disastrous"</p>

<p>Success is like sugar.It is sweet in taste,but can be harmful if consumed in large amounts.For sometimes ,when we achieve success we feel that life has become worse than before.</p>

<p>In Macbeth,Macbeth was ambitious and wanted to be the king of scotland.His wife propelled him to kill Duncan.After killing Duncan,both of them were so overcome by the guilt that they couldn't even sleep.Macbeth's wife got insane and died.Finally Macbeth achieved what he had always wanted to but he lost the felicity of his soldiers,love of his subjects and was hapless.And thus the prophency of the second witch came true that though banquo will be lesser than Macbeth ,he will always be happier than Macbeth.</p>

<p>A person always feels that he would be much happier if he gets something which he is longing for,and which he doesn't own at the present.for instance a person says to his wife"Our lives will become much better,If i get a promotion".But what he fails to realise is the fact that promotion is always accompanied with a greater workload and a new responsibility .The new responsibility refers to the efforts that one has to put inorder to maintain his position.It's an old adage"it's easier to get success,but difficult to maintain it".</p>

<p>When a person achieves success,he can no longer lead a normal life.Success at first seems awe-inspiring,but what if your personal life is scrutinized by the papparazi?Many celebrities and eminent personalities have to undergo these kind of problems.Not only this,they can't eat in a restaurant without people constantly staring at them.</p>

<p>In hamlet,claudius killed his brother,king hamlet inorder to become the king of Denmark .Finally hamlet,som of king hamlet made a plan inorder to confirm that the crime was actually commited by claudius .he deviced a small play to take a note of his reactions.and when he was convinced he killed claudius.Because of one person so many people died-king hamlet ,ophelia,polonius ,laertes etc.It's important to listen to the voice of conscience rather thn listening to the voice of your mind because human brain is corrupt and has no regards for emotions.</p>

<p>It's good to be ambitious,but flawed to be overambitious.And to achieve success one should be ambitious rather than been overambitious because success can make us do outlandish things which can have disastrous repercussions afterwards.At first,you don't care about the consequences ,but when it leads to a long viscious circle it becomes impossible to expurgate those instances from your life.</p>

[PeteSAT]

<p>maybells,</p>

<p>I'd probably give this a total of 6 (two 3s).</p>

<p>Your introduction is really nice. It gets to the point and uses a nice parallel: sugar and success. But it's too short. To flesh it out, briefly mention the points you're going to make.</p>

<p>I like your Macbeth example. It's appropriate and well thought out.</p>

<p>Your "person getting a promotion" example is also appropriate, but it's not specific enough.</p>

<p>Ditto for your paparazzi/celebrity example. Be specific. Mention a celebrity ("such as Nicole Kidman"). It could have been a great example, but you didn't develop it enough.</p>

<p>Your Hamlet example, again, could have been great, but you didn't focus on the topic: Success can be disastrous.</p>

<p>Overall, you have good ideas. Your problems lie in your grammar, idiom usage, and full development of your ideas.</p>

<p>First, your essay reads like you're trying to use impressive language. Using phrases like "lost the felicity of his soldiers" takes me out of your essay..."felicity" is not the right word. "Hapless" is not the right word. You should NEVER use words you don't fully understand. It's better to be clear and simple than to sound impressive.</p>

<p>You mix up your idioms. For example, "Macbeth's wife got insane". People don't "get" insane, the "become" insane. When in doubt, use simpler language that you know is right.</p>

<p>I assume that the spacing, punctuation and capitalization errors are an artifact of quickly typing this essay instead of writing by hand, so I'll ignore those. (as you should ignore any of my late night typos :) )</p>

<p>Don't mix up your pronouns! Keep the essay in the same person! You switch between "he" and "one" and "you" (re-read your last two paragraphs.) Pick one and stick with it.</p>

<p>My overall advice: choose 3 examples and develop them more fully. Assume that the reader knows nothing of your examples and explain completely. Keep your language clean and simple. And perhaps most importantly, make sure each paragraph directly answers the question.</p>

<p>You have the potential to write a really good essay because your underlying ideas are quite good. Just work on the writing, and don't try to overdo it.</p>

<p>Hope that helps.</p>

<p>Pete</p>