plz critique this essay~

Chance Me / Match Me!
1

<p>hi i will applying to several top uc's..my grades are average but i hope my essay can push me to the top....
Question 2 tell us about a talent personal experience contribution or personal quality you will bring to uc</p>

<p>be gentle...</p>

<p>I am addicted to laughter. No, laughters now some new street name for crack, it is what it is, the purest most opiate form of happiness. Hearing this escape others' mouths gives me a high and the most undescribable joy. I need to make people laugh, I need to make people share in my joy, this is who I am.
You can trace this lust for laughter back to 1st grade. I was well known for my alter-ego, the tickle monster. Being bigger than most kids my age, I forced kids into corners and tickled them into submission (this is a shady past that that I do not like to bring up.) After some parent-teacher conferences and some serious talks about how tickled kids were not sharing in my happiness, I changed my ways. This passion for laughter obviously did not diminish a bit. 11 years later I'm still known to resort to cheap, gimmicky ways to draw out a laugh or two. "Dood Kim, you're so not funny, that its funny," a friend once admiited to me. So I may not have a dashing wit or a charming sense of humor, but i can undeniably make people laugh, this is most important to me. With my famous "fish-face" and my dry humor I hope I will make people laugh for the rest of my life. A world without laughter is not a world for me to be living in.</p>

<p>tyty any input will be greatly appreciated</p>

2

<p>it's gotta be longer for sure, and...maybe a little more creative, the topic is decent but the writing is very normal and will not push average grades over the top, remember, UC is a tough place to get into, you gotta set yourself apart, keep trying at it and you'll get it eventually</p>

3

<p>i second that. it shows part of who u are but not really wat colleges might want to look at</p>

4

<p>oic any more comments?</p>

5

<p>thanx btw i really appreciate the help</p>

6

<p>you defintietly need to tighten the writing up. I also think that you come off as a little strange- the whole pushing kids into corners and the "Dood" remark dont make you sound as funny as you may be. remember, some people cant wirte humor very well. instead of trying to take a funny apprach to this essay, maybe you should recall one story, try to m ake it funnier and more snappy, and make the rest more thoughtful; i get that luaghter adn jo is importnat to you, but maybe you should punctuate how exactly this speaks to your way of life.</p>