<p>I'll simply lay it out. 5AM, my son was accepted to WVU and Binghamton. He plans on studying bio/premed/nursing/undecided.
To me, and everyone else, BU is the place, a no-brainer!
He claims to like the campus better at WVU BUT, it's a downright lie! He is chasing a girl. He's been in a very tumultuous relationship with this girl for 4-5 months, not good at all.</p>
<p>He doesn't understand that his mother and I won't support, in any way, a poor choice. He has always been a bright, level-headed kid until the past few months.</p>
<p>I have never been one to lose sleep over problems until now. This is driving me crazy and it's a very short drive.</p>
<p>Are either in-state for you? (wasn’t sure which school was a short drive). Is she already a student there? I have known a few students who went to WVU and then transferred due to relationships at other schools and wanting to be closer, so not sure this is an issue that will lessen even if he is at Binghamton.</p>
<p>One thing regarding transferring that might lighten your panic; if he attends WVU and the relationship fizzles out (as well as his desire to be at WVU), most schools allow students who were accepted but don’t attend, to be reconsidered for admission with less hassle than going through a transfer application/process, so perhaps he could graduate from Binghamton even if he starts at WVU.</p>
<p>I know you must be waking up throughout the night, worried about the implications for his life. However, I keep telling myself that all of the lessons I try to impart on my sons I only learned via my own mistakes. There is not one that I avoided by listening to my parents that I am aware of:-).</p>
<p>I have a niece and a nephew from upstate NY who chose to go to WVU, liked it a lot, and are now quite successful. WVU is okay. On the average I am sure Binghamton is better but there are some good programs at WVU, and out of state tuition there is not too bad. There are 30,000 students, so if he goes there and is not dating the young lady he is “following” there, there will be 29,999 other people for him to be friends with. Can he live in a dorm on campus?</p>
<p>I am trying to cheer you up. This could be much worse! I suggest that you don’t try to “make” him choose Binghamton - or any time he runs into any difficulties there, he will be complaining to you as if you were responsible. If WVU doesn’t work out for him, he can transfer to one of the many wonderful NY state schools.</p>
<p>Good luck, good luck, good luck. This is our kids’ job - to drive us crazy.</p>
<p>Aren’t you doing a bate and switch on him because of the girl? Why is it on his list if it was not a suitable school? I really never forgave my parents for letting me go all the way through the process of applying, visiting, and getting acceptances and then having them say I could not go to my first choice school. For ours, we laid down the financial rules up front, approved the list and then let them choose from their acceptances within the financial rules. If there were no girl would you still refuse?</p>
<p>Probably tuition at Binghamton is about $7K per year and OOS tuition at WVU is about $17K per year, less the $4K scholarship - so WVU will be about $6K more in tuition, and of course there will be higher transportation costs - but at least you are not comparing free tuition with $40K tuition… (Again - I am trying to cheer you up!)</p>
<p>Choose an optimal environment to have a heart-to-heart and ask him to wait until May 1 to decide. Romance can make a person crazy, you know that, and time might help. </p>
<p>In the meantime, you might want to motivate him to write out his pros and cons for both schools - maybe even offer a dangling carrot, some immediate reward not later financial incentive that means nothing to kids right now, to persuade him to accomplish this task. Give him the chance to persuade you that he is making a level-headed, mature decision that you will reward with consideration and respect. Seeing his two choices in black and white might be sobering, which is what it sounds like he needs.</p>
<p>Is WVU unacceptable because you don’t think it’s worth the money regardless of the girl, or is it the girl? If you found it an unacceptable school for the money, then it never should have been on his list to begin with. The time to pull a school off the table is before applications go out, not with acceptances in hand.</p>
<p>Unless the girl is already a student at WVU, are you (and your son) certain that she will indeed attend that university? Is it the one place that both were admitted to?</p>
<p>Forty years ago one of my uncles told his two daughters that if they attended the public university nearest their home, he’d pay for it all, but if they chose another institution, he wouldn’t pay a cent. He didn’t offer the equivalent of the state U costs toward a program elsewhere, just the state U or nothing. My cousins did attend their state U, graduated on time, had decent experiences, and came out prepared for success in their careers of choice. However, their dad has been dead and gone for almost thirty years and this is the one thing they still hold against him. </p>
<p>Right now I think that you are mixing up the financial issues with the emotional ones. Run the numbers through a good calculator like the following one, and think about what the results mean for your family. The differences in cost between Binghamton and WVU may be larger than you think, and WVU may not even be in the running anymore at all for that reason. [FinAid</a> | Calculators | Advanced Award Letter Comparison Tool](<a href=“Your Guide for College Financial Aid - Finaid”>Your Guide for College Financial Aid - Finaid)</p>
<p>If WVU is not workable financially, it isn’t. Girlfriend or no girlfriend. Favorite football team or not. It just isn’t. If however, WVU is within your family’s budget, you should stop worrying about the girlfriend. Let your son “follow” her there. Who knows where the rest of his life will lead him.</p>
<p>As for applying to WVU, I was away on business and his mudder decided WTH, he won’t go there, it will satisfy a “safety” school. I KNEW that was a mistake and now it’s biting us on the keister!</p>
<p>This is NOT a good situation. When, not if, this relationship hits the skids if after September, he will be miserable. If we insist he go to Bing, he likely will resent us.</p>
<p>Although I feel Bing is the better school overall, my “sticking point” with WVU has nothing to do with the school, it’s the motive he has for attendance. This is a one-sided, unhealthy relationship.</p>
<p>Time for some what-if talks, like what if the girl drops out of WVU, what if you can’t come home except for school closure breaks, what if you can’t get the classes you want and you’re there >4 years…</p>
<p>Binghamton is definitely the better school. I am speaking as a parent who has a child at WVU. However, Binghamton cannot hold a candle to WVU for the big school atmosphere that some students are looking for. School spirit is great and every kid I know that attends from here (NE Pa) loves it. If he is going into the medical field, then Ruby Memorial hospital is literally on campus and is a great resource for students in that field. </p>
<p>I would be very careful about not letting him make his own decision. This could effect your relationship for a long time. If you agreed to cover the cost for Binghamton then you should cover the same amount at WVU and let him make up the difference.</p>
<p>If the girl weren’t in the picture, would you allow WVU? Both are fine schools but, as a NY State resident whose D was accepted to Binghamton, I can tell you that we know a lot of students there and it isn’t a very happy, lifestyle kind of place. Now, of course, many kids are very happy there and do very well, but the winter is looooong, the campus is not particularly attractive and there are some very good reasons to not go there. Like I said, my D was accepted there but we chose a different, more expensive big state school for several reasons, one being ease of registering for classes, one being the lifestyle, and finally for the unspecific reason that she found Bing depressing and ugly, as did I. No way was I going to force her to go there. Do you think your son wouldn’t do a good job at WVU and be responsible for his academics? If that’s the case, fine, but I can’t see forcing a kid to go to a school like Bing unless the alternative is to stay home.</p>
Why does the motive even matter except as a way of you controlling your son? What are you concerned about? Sexual activity? If he is a responsible kid with a good work ethic, he should have the respect to choose among good options, even if you don’t agree with the reason. If you don’t think he can be responsible, then how would it be a better situation at a school he doesn’t want to attend? There isn’t going to be a good outcome for that one.</p>
<p>Is it possible there are any other motives for attending WVU? Does your son have any interest in big time sports/rah-rah stuff? If so…the environment at WVU would be much more appealing. </p>
<p>It’s one of the biggest problem with the NYS flagship schools…no big time sports, other than Hockey. (Weather isn’t too spectacular,either…but…WVU doesn’t really win on that criteria.)</p>
<p>If the OP’s son was accepted in-state to Binghamton, I am assuming that his stats are quite competitive and that he is, at the least, a decent student…</p>
<p>So, this is not a question of a concern of an academic “crash and burn” at WVU…</p>
<p>If this is just about the girl, not about finances, let him go…I agree with the others that this could potentially be a really bad long-term event for your relationship if you make him go to Binghamton; and I totally agree with zoosermom’s assessment and I am an alumni; I wouldn’t make my kids go there…if it wasn’t their choice…</p>
If WVU doesn’t work out for him, he can transfer to one of the many wonderful NY state schools.</p>