<p>
[quote]
"This whole system where your ability to pay is based on a third party's finances is pretty sketchy."</p>
<p>every kid would then qualify for need based aid. Such a system does exist. Ask your kid to stay home and go to CC. They can pay for it
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Also, service academies don't consider third parties' finances. </p>
<p>But none of this excuses the conduct of colleges that consider third party finances.</p>
<p>JMHO.</p>
<p>I did not mean when people pay that are sopposed to the middle and poor suffer. I meant when the people that should have to pay are given the bill they don't want to or refuse to. Also some people I know actually hire someone to coach them through the process. They are taught how to hide their money so they don't have to pay their fair share. And I have my own stories to tell on the roommate thing. MY older D had a roommate whose parents are both Mds. and guess what periodically they cut her off. So guess who is supplying snacks etc. thats right my family. Of course my D shares what she has but I sometimes resent that we are struggling and someone who has a better financial sitution is sitting back refusing to help their children</p>
<p>"But none of this excuses the conduct of colleges that consider third party finances."</p>
<p>You want to consider yourself as a third party when you have to pay. Are you going to drop your kids from your medical insurance when they go to college?</p>
<p>i would hate my parents if they did that to me.</p>
<p>*Generally speaking, a parent's legal obligations to his or her child end at age 18. *</p>
<p>True
I was out of the house when I was 17. I have lived on my own or with roommates- found my own health care- when I did attend college I paid for it myself. No aid- I didn't even realize I could have qualified for aid.</p>
<p>I don't see what is stopping other 18 year olds from doing same thing-
Lots of suggestions thrown out- lots of * yes, but* replies.</p>
<p>Going to college isn't going to guarantee independence anyway.</p>
<p>
[quote]
You want to consider yourself as a third party when you have to pay. Are you going to drop your kids from your medical insurance when they go to college?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I have no idea what your point is. But I have no problem helping to pay for my childrens' college, even though I have no legal obligation to do so.</p>
<p>This post poses a very interesting dilemma -- one that I don't think that many students have to face. Since your parents had to work to get where they are, I can understand why they don't want to just give you a an all expenses paid, scot-free education on a silver platter. In that respect, their stance seems somewhat admirable.</p>
<p>However, I think that they are being ignorant and unrealistic if they believe that a single, human student can work his/her way through any school, especially an "upper eschelon" school, without any kind of assistance. Even state schools where I live are expensive.</p>
<p>If you apply yourself in school, have decent grades, and aren't a slacker, I don't see why it would be unreasonabale for your parents to at least help you a bit in the financial department. Maybe you could work out a deal with them...they could give you x amount a year for school, and you could work to pay x amount back over y years. You could pay for room and board by being an RA, and you could work a part-time job during the remainder of high school and college to cover your living expenses. You could also ask not to receive gifts for the holidays or your birthday and ask your family to put some money towards a college savings account.</p>
<p>I don't know what fields you plan on pursuing, but if you are interested in a science or math field you could become involved in undergrad research and potentially receive a stipend for your work.</p>
<p>It's a shame that your parents can afford to help put you through school, yet are choosing not to.* (*This is assuming that you haven't done something to warrant their behavior.)</p>
<p>My mom cried the other night when she said that she and my dad would send to to whatever school I was accepted to if they could...but they simply can't afford to. It hurts to hear that your parents could send you somewhere amazing and don't want to...I do not envy your position.</p>
<p>By the way, to the OP: I have a high school buddy whose neighbor was like that. The father was a doctor of some sort, and he refused to supply his tax returns for the colleges of his son and daughter. So the son and daughter ended up having to finagle their ways through colleges. Which they were annoyed about, but they both ended up pretty successful in life.</p>
<p>I went to college with a young man whose father was a physician. He refused to pay for his son's room and board. I am not sure about the tuition. He had to work every spare moment that he was not in school for a dollar. He worked at a 24 hour convenience store all night long, and showed up to morning classes, never having gone to sleep. He told me that he only required 2 hours of sleep/night (he slept between 4-6pm, and then went to his night job). He used to show up to class with bloodshot eyes most of the time, but always had a smile on his face. He studied while on the job, and really had no breathing space. This was all unnecessary b/c his father was a wealthy man. I did not count his money, but I know from his son, and that was the case. BTW, he did not have the safest job, and I think that his father also had his son's life put at risk.</p>
<p>check out <a href="http://www.ctcl.com%5B/url%5D">www.ctcl.com</a>, 40 small mostly private college which offer merit aid to well qualified students.</p>
<p>Just to play devils advocate: </p>
<p>perhaps the $400,000/year parents are trying to teach their children that money doesn't grow on trees for everyone. Maybe (and of course I have no earthly idea...) but maybe they feel their kids have been handed everything in life up till now and they are in need of a "reality education". </p>
<p>Perhaps the real test is to see what creative ideas you can come up with for making your own way. Perhaps after seeing your efforts they will be willing to help out in some regard after all.</p>
<p>Or maybe they are hanging you out to dry....</p>
<p>In any case, this is the whole point of living - life is for learning and - hopefully - you will learn something of value in the process.</p>
<p>Your parents are really evil. I hope you get merit aid.</p>
<p>I felt for you Jlim18. I think parents like yours are cruel and unrelistic.</p>
<p>I thinbk your options are:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Go to local community college for two years then seek to transfer to State schools.</p></li>
<li><p>Join the military. Learn some skill, no army, you'll wind-up in Iraq. Air force or navy are OK...I think. Join the police, I heard they would pay for the police academy while you are still in training.</p></li>
<li><p>Tell your parents it's their fault!! If they are not willing to pay for your education, then, they shouldn't have children in the 1st place. Also, they made too much monies so you could not qualify for aids etc, it's their fault!!!</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Hope these help.</p>
<p>If you want to go to a private 4 year institution that is extremely competitive, I would strongly support ROTC. It's a great idea because you'll be able to go to college at the right time for free. In addition, consider the 4 years afterwards (where you will be in the army) as an honor to fight for your country and remember that it will look good on your resume when you apply for a career later in life. I recommend this route to anyone who doesn't have any serious qualms about the Iraq War. Other than that, the other choices don't seem so feasible except going to a lower ranked school. (Or I guess you can get married and make yourself an independent lol) Hope this helps.</p>
<p>My parents also make 400K together, but we just sent one to columbia, another is going to CAL poly next year, and my twin brother and I are looking at top schools. </p>
<p>Would we be able to get any aid?</p>
<p>Question for Jlime: What state are you in? Where did your parents go to college? Do you have any money of your own in savings?</p>
<p>I'm guessing from some of your posts on other threads that you are in California -- you had asked about UCSB. If your parents graduated from UC's or CSU's, maybe they simply feel that those colleges are good enough.... and it is is NOT impossible for a kid these days to work their way through a CSU.</p>
<p>I understand the apparent unfairness of it all -- you would expect that a couple making $400K annually would be willing to foot the bill for an Ivy.... but from another post about SAT scores and UCSB admissions, it doesn't look like you would be headed for an elite college. I can see why parents might feel that the public options are just as good as the privates if your private options would not be among the most selective. </p>
<p>I'd suggest that you consider one of the following options:
* a gap year in Americorps -- you will get a stipend and a tuition benefit for the following year
* 2 years community college followed by transfer to a UC
* opt for a CSU (somewhat cheaper than a UC)</p>
<p>Look for alternative (cheap) living arrangements when attending school -- I have known people who got free or substantially reduced rent while living off campus by getting jobs as apartment managers, au pairs, or doing repairs or other work on the premises.</p>
<p>The posts in response to the above question bring up a value difference that I've noted over time, in regards to financing of college education. The middle class and above appear to have the expectation rather firmly entrenched, that parents are responsible for the costs of college education. For the most part, college years are most expensive phase of the child rearing process. The financial aid system reflects this, with the entire family income examined for means. </p>
<p>But there is another value system, that I encountered when going thru the divorce process. And that is the idea, as well as the law, that kids are independent agents from the age of 18. Child support stops at that point (or at the time of HS graduation) and kids are on their own economically. Whether going to college or not. </p>
<p>Divorce or not, I knew plenty of families who operated on this premise of independence at age 18 when I was young, and I know people still who have kids coming of age in the next few years that talk in these terms. Usually based, as your parents have, on the personal experience of having struggled for, and earned their own college education. As noted above, that is an increasingly difficult option, and reflective of the increasing division between the haves and have nots in this country. </p>
<p>So my impression is, you're caught, betweeen the value system of independence at HS graduation, and that middle class value system of supporting kids thru college. It's a rough road. </p>
<p>I was there myself, and after CC (which I hope are still wonderful in California) worked till I was independent of my parents legally, and then returned to school with financial aid. Another option I've heard mentioned, is go to a trade school, learn a skill to better support yourself, and then work your way thru a 4 year school with a decent wage. Not the typical route, or an easy one. But you'd come out with a rare amount of wisdom and perspective.</p>
<p>As the product of a divorce when I went to college, and being currently married to a lawyer, I can tell you great lakes mom that the law varies from state to state as to whether parents have an obligation to pay for college education as a product of divorce. In my own personal situation, child support did not stop at 18, but rather age 22 so as to ensure that my college undergrad education was paid for. This divorce occurred during the mid-70's if that gives you some insight as to how laws can vary in states. Now, of course this meant that if I took a year off, that money had to be saved on my part and used for college. And, because it was such a bitter divorce, I can tell you that my father figured the child support to the exact day that I turned 22(my birthday falls during the middle of a month--he only paid for the days leading up to my 22nd birthday! But that is another story!) I also have a younger brother who attended community college for 1 year. Father tried to get out of paying for him since he was not enrolled, hauled my mother back to court, but alas judge ordered him to pay until brother turned 22, in case brother decided to return to college. Now, I do not recommend attending college financially in this fashion to the original poster. However, I do think that there have been some great ideas as to how the OP can finance college. It is very difficult to understand parents positions on financing their child's education. Yes, it is very hard for me to see the aid that is given to a lot of kids while hubby and I have sacrificed. It is sad to see that little true merit aid exists at top ivy colleges and beyond. But, hubby and I can sleep at night knowing that we have tried to take care of our own child--and in the end after paying for this $45,000/year college education, we know that no one can ever take away that education from him. We hope he can leave that college and become a productive citizen. Sorry for this long post everyone!</p>
<p>I was divorced in the mid 90s. At that time, the only state that required child support to extend through the college years was Mass. The rest, including my own state seemed to ignore the issue. I'm not an attorney, and this was the info I could find pre internet. I was laughed at when I suggested that child support should extend thru college years. We did our own divorce, with the help of an attorney, and have a college financing agreement, as I wanted my kids to have the same opportunities as those from intact families. Having grown up with a college financing mess as a result of divorce, I didn't want to pass that on. </p>
<p>Best wishes to Jlime18. Hope some of the numerous ideas above are of help.</p>
<p>interestin, didn't know that notre dame AL was a she. :)</p>