For D3 parents, after your son or daughter committed, how proactive were they in letting the other coaches know of the commitment? And how long of a lag time? Mine doesn’t want to proactively send a note but will tell the coaches when they check in again.
@Finalthree, what do you think is the right thing to do? How would you like to be treated? How do you think your S or D’s lack of communication will effect other recruits that want to attend the other schools?
When we went through this process my child contacted by phone the other head coaches immediately to thank them and let them know of the commitment, it was hard but worthwhile.
The D3 world is very small place and your S or D would be wise to treat these other coaches and schools with respect, you never know what will happen in the future. More importantly, letting them know is the right thing to do.
As soon as my D committed, she emailed the other coaches to tell them. Why would you wait? Waiting to tell them when they check in again seems disrespectful of their time.
If she is absolutely sure that she will attend that D3 school, she should notify the other coaches immediately. If you need to wait for admissions acceptance letter, merit aid, financial aid (no athletic aid at D3), then you may wish to keep some of the other choices open and I would tell the other coaches exactly that.
D2 was heavily recruited for mid and lower tier D1; she answered every email with a thanks, but no thanks, going D3. Her final list was very short, so she also told D3 coaches not on the list, thanks, but no.
To string coaches along and knowingly waste their time is just rude.
Turn the table. If your child is 1 of the top 5 recruits for a spot and the coach makes his/her decision and never tells your child that they didn’t get the spot how would you react?
Agree with all the above, about letting other programs know she is no longer interested so they can adjust their recruiting. At the same time, as a very risk-averse parent, I would let the #2-3 on her list know that, if for any reason, if admissions does not work out at her #1 school, she would like to circle back with them. We have heard of ED1 deferrals for D3 recruits, and I just wouldn’t want to burn all the bridges in the enthusiasm to have made the decision.
And I wouldn’t wait for the other coaches to check back in with her – I’d have her contact them directly now that she has made her decision. It is a small world, and she should let them hear it from her, not third hand.
My D also notified other coaches after her verbal commitment. From a purely CYA perspective, it was perhaps naive and risky to do so. But she really liked the other coaches and didn’t feel right stringing along. She went with her heart.
D has a teammate who is looking at the some of the same programs. One coach in particular told her teammate (regarding level of support), “I have to wait and see what happens with a couple other recruits first.” D’s “pulling out” may be making room for someone else (her teammate or a complete stranger) who is going through the same recruiting “adventure.”
Interestingly, the other coaches were very gracious and did not seem surprised. One coach even said, “You made the best decision. You conducted a great college search and you’ll get a great education at the school you have chosen.” (He did not ask where she was going, but he knew what schools she was looking at). He may have just been feeding her a line, but it makes me wonder if in the small world of NESCAC, whether coaches talk. If they do, then it may not be a great idea to try to “keep secrets” from them. Along the lines of preserving “Plan B” options, I would think that character counts.
She’s still getting used to the idea herself and hasn’t even told her friends. As soon as she starts to tell people I’ll make sure she goes back out to the coaches that have recruited her.
Ps this forum is quick to assume the worst - eg disrespect. More of being a bit overwhelmed and not ready to call the other coaches or really talk about it outside the family despite being very excited. She reached out to a few coaches before her OV and hadn’t heard back yet - she was so going to wait to hear back vs proactive but perhaps she should rethink. I get that there are other spots to fill.
I agree with everyone above for all of the same reasons. Like Midwestmomofboys said let the 2 and 3 choice know how difficult the choice was and if things do not work out can I reach back out to you. On my sons team there are two boys that did not get into their ED1 school but got in ED2 at my sons school/team. Keep doors open as you never know
Good luck
Notify all the coaches who were actively recruiting him/her. Coaching universe is very small, many talk to others a lot. Also many move jobs regularly and you never know who he/she may encounter again. Also never know when a tranfer may be desired and don’t want any burnt bridges. D was a solid mid level/upper level D1 recruit. Made her answer every call or email with a reply, even to Jucos, D2,and D3 schools she had less than zero interest in. You just never know.
@Finalthree, I’m glad to hear that you will make sure that your D will contact the coaches of the schools not chosen. I however am not sure why you need to wait until she starts to tell other people including her friends. I can only surmise that the timing would be so that the other coaches would hear it from her first. That’s great, but misses the point of being respectful of the coaches time and effort in recruiting your daughter. The coaches get NO’s all the time, by telling them sooner they can move on with the recruiting for their programs. They can then give good news to other recruits about their interest, support or even scheduling of school visits. So it’s about respecting other recruits also, giving them a chance as well.
You mentioned that we are all assuming the worst, I wasn’t assuming anything, I was just reacting to what you actually wrote in post #1. Nobody wants your daughter to do anything that would put her in jeopardy, that’s why we have this site.
If she is not sure of her options then by all means wait, but if she is sure and made a commitment then please have her contact the coaches for the sake of everyone involved in the process.
Thanks for the input. My first post could have been more descriptive! So sooner rather than later, which she will. 
@Finalthree, that’s what I love about the written word vs. actually talking. Congratulations and good luck to you and your daughter! Let us know how it all works out someday.
I will! I have one more question. Should she identify the school she committed to play at or just tell them the name of the school if they ask? What is the norm? Thanks again.
I do think she should let the other schools know, but only when she’s comfortable doing so. It sounds like she’s just getting used to the commitment herself, not even telling her friends and teammates yet. Give her time. There is a reason why the NCAA doesn’t let anyone to commit until Nov of senior year, even though many are ‘committed’ months or even years before- it’s an important decision and she shouldn’t feel rushed into it. And, kids do change their minds. It’s only September. The school (through admissions) isn’t willing to commit to her until December or later when the ED are released so why should your 17/18 year old be required to commit now?
My daughter knew what she wanted after her overnight in September, but I made her wait to commit until she’d visited a few more schools, until the FA was discussed, until she’d had a little time to think about it. My daughter was the queen of changing her mind, and I was sure she would have buyer’s remorse. Nope, she didn’t, but I felt better knowing she’d thought about it for a little while before publicly committing.
Just today another of Michigan’s football recruits ‘decommitted’ from signing for this year. Give her a little time.
As soon as my son verbally committed, he contacted all of the other coaches by phone immediately to let them know of his decision. He also told the other coaches where he had committed. During one of the phone calls, Coach X asked my son if he had notified Coach Y, yet. As other have said, the recruiting world is very small.
Question; My son ED1 D3 school, coach called him his top recruit, did a workshop with him over the summer and is
psyched that my son verbally committed to him; but does that mean he’s in? What wording would a kid ask a coach about him getting in? I don’t want him to tell other coaches he’s verbally committed, if he can’t get in. He has the full support of the coach but does that mean anything?
@bayfront2 Most schools are very careful about saying that only Admissions does admissions, that coach can only convey past experience of similarly-situated kids.
The kinds of questions relate to the process so far – did you get a pre-read though Admissions office, and was it positive/green light? Did the coach say anything about what else student should do to be well-positioned for acceptance? Coaches often come back from pre-read saying student should try to get scores up to a certain range etc. Asking about how many/what percentage of athletes with your student’s gpa/record and coach support were rejected or deferred can also be helpful.
The impact of coach support seems to vary by sport and school. At one very selective school, my kid was told a minimum (very high) test score that was needed for acceptance – from the conversation, it was apparent that recruits didn’t get a bump and needed to be admitted on their own record, with a feather on the scale for their athletic contribution as a recruit. At other, equally selective and highly competitive school, the test score required as a recruit was significantly lower, presumably because the coach had the administration’s support in fielding a more competitive team and could dip deeper into the pool to get the desired recruits. So, it is very difficult to generalize across schools.
Bottom line seems to be, Admissions office makes the decision, and so the best bet is to have a conversation with coach about the process and be clear on where your student stands. Good luck – the fall before ED decisons come out can be very stressful for D3 recruits.
@bayfront2
The recommendations for the OP are the same for you. By applying ED1 your son committed to that school. Unfortunately, as mentioned above it is not a 100% done deal as coach does not have final say and you will have to wait until early December to get the result. Your son should email the other coaches , let them know that he applied ED elsewhere but if things do not work out could he contact them again. Keep the door open just in case.
best of luck