<p>Anybody know any good jokes?</p>
<p>Any of Confused23's posts.... :D</p>
<p>As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"</p>
<p>An American GI, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was right next to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong ***** out the window."</p>
<p>Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.</p>
<p>A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."</p>
<p>Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when a PFC knocked on the door.
Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the PFC to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the PFC replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."</p>
<p>An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35-pound pack on his back, 15-lb. weapon in his hand, having marched 12 miles, and says, "This is <strong><em>."
An Army Airborne Ranger stands in the rain with a 45-pound pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having jumped from a plane and jogged 18 miles, says with a smile, "This is good *</em></strong>."
A Navy Seal lies in the mud, 55-pound pack on his back, weapon in hand, after swimming 10 miles to shore, crawling through a swamp, and running 25 miles at night past enemy positions, says with a grin, "This is really great *<strong><em>."
A Marine, up to his nose in the stinking, bug-infested mud of a swamp with a 65-pound pack on his back and weapons in both hands after jumping from an aircraft at high altitude into the ocean, swimming 12 miles to shore, killing several alligators to enter the swamp, then crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault an enemy camp, says, "I love this *</em></strong>."
An Air Force NCO sits in an easy chair in an air-conditioned, carpeted office in front of his computer and says, "My e-mail is out? What kind of *** is this?"</p>
<p>I found a good web site. :D</p>
<p>OK Z...here is just some life forms from the A list of non-sentient life:</p>
<ul>
<li>Aldebaran mud leech</li>
<li>Aldebaran serpent</li>
<li>Aldebaran shellmouth</li>
<li>Alvanian cave sloth</li>
<li>Alvanian spine mite</li>
<li>Alverian dung beetle</li>
<li>Adosian slug</li>
<li>Andorian redbat</li>
<li>Arbazan vulture</li>
<li>Arboreal needle snake</li>
<li>Arctic spider</li>
</ul>
<p>Although none of the above may be arrogant, some might certainly be characterized as offensive. Since they are non-sentient life forms, they will not suffer affront if compared to you-know-who.</p>
<p>oops...missed all the great jokes</p>
<p>Spiders. She HAD to mention SPIDERS!</p>
<p>OY!</p>
<p>Anything with more than four limbs should be hunted down and exterminated with extreme prejudice! </p>
<p>I wouldn't have made a good Marine! :D</p>
<p>This one you need speakers for....</p>
<p>3 marines were hunting when they came upon a set of tracks. The first marine said, "i've seen these before, these are dog tracks," the other two Marines argued "no, it cant be." The second marine said "me and my dad used to hunt dear together, these are dear tracks." Once again, the other two marines argued. Finally the third marine said "no, these are defintelly bear tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.</p>
<p>This one you need speakers for....</p>
<p>sorry... posted the same thing twice!</p>
<p>
[quote]
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>LOL! Good one! :D</p>
<h2>Let's give credit where credit is due:</h2>
<p>" And for someone so fond of debating semantics, "soft porn", by which one would mean "soft core" is defined as such:</p>
<p>"Softcore is a form of pornography that is less explicit than hardcore material in depicting or describing sexual behaviour. Generally softcore does not depict sexual contact other than simulated.</p>
<p>While both softcore and hardcore feature extensive nudity and sexual situations with the intention of arousing the viewer, the key difference is that softcore does not include any of the following hardcore elements..."</p>
<h2>--Tactical Nuke</h2>
<p>This dude appears to be an EXPERT on pornography and he's RADIOACTIVE too!</p>
<p>All you gotta do to be an expert these days is watch MTV for a bit...</p>
<p>I stopped watching MTV when they stopped showing music videos.</p>
<p>Whoa USNA09mom... accusing TN of appearing to be an expert on pornography because he quoted Wikipedia might suggest that you appear hostile & over the top!!!!</p>
<p>pm,
you're very perceptive!</p>
<p>middle-aged boredom beats down youthful exhuberance every time . . .
The jokes were really good . . .now, so I can have some soft-core pornographic dreams, good night.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I stopped watching MTV when they stopped showing music videos.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Brother, ain't THAT the truth!</p>