<p>
</p>
<p>OP, as a parent of a GATE child who gave us more gray hairs than I can count due to his lack of academic follow-through, I truly sympathize. We reasoned, screamed, cried, begged, guilted, bribed… you name it. I’m with you. What I really, really encourage you to do is take a deep breath and DO NOT CATASTROPHIZE. I say this as a veteran worst-case-scenario thinker. I have learned that this thinking isn’t helpful, nor is it reality. He probably won’t go to a UC or competitive college this fall. Okay. It doesn’t mean he is condemned to a life working at McDonalds. </p>
<p>Let’s look at the facts. He failed two courses. As others have pointed out, he is alive so the situation can be worked with. He is definitely telling you something though we can’t yet figure out what. He most probably is not yet ready to go away to college. He might need to speak to his counselor about what he needs to do to graduate. His first task is to get through high school because he might not have enough credits unless he makes them up. He needs a plan. (If he doesn’t graduate, the GED is an option, followed by two years of a cc. Worse things have happened to people.)</p>
<p>My second big piece of advice is, let him own his own education. Our DS got a fire in his belly when we told him he had choices. We would pay for a full-time education, but if he wasn’t going at least to a community college full-time, we were not going to be supporting him. His options if he didn’t go to school were to live at home and pay us rent from a full-time job, or move out. His choice entirely, but we absolutely meant it and he knew it. </p>
<p>We backed off COMPLETELY. We did not ask him his grades, telling him it was his decision whether or not he graduated and whether or not he went to college. Our sum total involvement in his college application process was entering our credit card number when he needed the fee paid. That’s it. We also didn’t warn him of dire consequences if he didn’t go. We told him we were looking forward to seeing his decision. </p>
<p>It was hard to let him stay in bed on school mornings, knowing he’d be late to class and possibly not graduate. I learned to not say a word. This might not be the right approach for every child, but it did work in our case. DS was oppositional enough that, at some level, he wanted his successes and failures to be his own, and when we were pushing him toward success he dug in his heels to show us he was independent. When we gave him the reins, he felt treated as an independent adult, and he did step up to the plate. He’ll graduate this December, with far better grades than he ever made in high school. </p>
<p>I suspect DS was also partly driven by fear. Initially, he was afraid to go to college but when he realized we would make him pay rent, it became scarier to think of having to support himself. So he chose school.</p>
<p>Remember, some kids need a little more time to mature. It’s okay. A couple of years of community college may be just what he needs.</p>