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<p>I wasn’t going to respond – lots of good input already – but I read OPs comment and wanted to say, hey , don’t be so hard on yourself. There may have been signs your son wasn’t ready to give, too. Here is a chance to have the “what’s up with all this?” conversation.</p>
<p>The “tough love” and “let them sink” strategies did not work for us. What did help was stressing to him that all was not lost, life is long and full of choices, and we are always on his side. I function as his executive coach from a distance and that works for us; his management skills are weak and will not improve. Everybody’s path is not the same. When S1 was discovered to have fabricated an entire year of college (such a long story) and withdrew for testing and evals, I knew it was a catastrophe. People told me it really wasn’t. I thought they were deluded. Here we are a mere year later – he has a good job in his field of choice, has passed 3 re-entry classes with flying colors and is taking 3 more. He might even graduate from college 
which I was sure was impossible. Which is not to say it’s all rosy and happy, but today is a good day. He is my hero, actually. </p>
<p>Good luck. You are a good mom, to be so supportive and worried. Have some fun, and don’t be afraid to jump into the unknown, as long as you do it together.</p>