pple plz Grade mY SAT Essay, , I need some tips before the test :(

Test Preparation ACT Preparation
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<p>Assignment : Should people make more decisions on their own and rely less on the advice of experts? </p>

<p>In our mundane lives, we have to be independent and know how to react  to any situation we get in because people can't constantly be there for each other. However,  how far do we know to always follow our own impulses?  No one is absolutely erudite, still experts and older people who experienced more than we did and devoted their lives for knowledge and teaching can always benefit us from their experiences. Eventhough in taking decisions there's nothing totally right or totally wrong and it depends on what suits a person more, we can also clasp from experts what can benefit us. A female young scientist's ignorance for her colleague professional scientists and also my personal experience of not listening to my mentor's tips led to deteriorating results. </p>

<p>The female scientists wanted to genetically engineer three mako sharks to increase their brain capacity so that they can harvest a tissue that could be a cure for Al-zahaimer disease. Unfortunately, their increased brain capacity also made them more aggressive, stronger, and smarter that they even swam backwards. As a result, what the colleagues warned from actually happened! Worse, during a rescue mission in a severe storm, one mako shark pulled the helicopter's cable and dragged it to a towel, contributing to a massive explosion in the area. Regreting and deplored over the consequences, the scientist realized that she could have atleast listen to the experts warnings and reiterate over the project.</p>

<p>Like the scientist, I didn't exactly listen to my teacher's instructions in the way to solve my academic test correctly and get a higher score. Simply following my own way of solving, which is wrong, one the test day, I was perplexed and I couldn't even understand the questions or manage the paper's time. Consequently, my grades disperated me and then I realized that I should follow my teacher's instructions for the next test. When I did so, I really started improving and I'm now optimistic to the next test's results. 
In conclusion, people must first listen to others who know more and who advice us only for our own good and the society's, like my teacher and expert scientists. Then, they can do what best suits them. </p>

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<ol>
<li>You have decent style; but, your thoughts are all over the place.</li>
</ol>

3

<p>Thank u for replying!<br>
U mean it’s not organized? , what should I do? </p>

4

<p>Between 5 and 7. </p>

<p>Here’s why:</p>

<p>What you have: good ideas, great intro that catches attention, a fairly competent vocabulary (erudite for example) </p>

<p>What you don’t have: an easily recognizable thesis statement, a solid conclusion, more than one example, example variety, and several good points</p>

<p>Unless you are a capable writer (9-12 range) you must stick to the 5 paragraph essay. Your intro was good, it immediately drew me into wanting to hear what you have to say; however, it went downhill from here.</p>

<p>Your last sentence of your intro needs to be your thesis; it need to clearly outline each point of your essay (you should have 3 at least)</p>

<p>The first sentence of each topic paragraph needs to be a these statement for the paragraph.</p>

<p>Your conclusion must end with someone the closes the deal. It’s the last thing your reader sees; it must stick with them.</p>

<p>Although it is not necessary, I would suggest using historical and literary examples and quotes. Memorize some good ones or make them up. </p>

<p>Here’s a few to get you started.</p>

<p>Margaret Mitchell - gone with the wind
(Willpower)
Ray Bradbury - Fahrenheit 451
(Knowledge or ignorance)
Rosa parks - 12/1/1955
(Standing up for belief/equality)
Choki Dukpa, head teacher in Bhutan: “An education doesn’t just mean getting good grades, it means preparing them to be good people.”</p>

<p>Gross Domestic Happiness of Bhutan: 800,000 live in under 1.25 a day. 70% without electricity</p>

<p>Tshering Tobgay (bhutans prime minister)“The bottom line is that we have to work harder.”
Tour of the Dragon. Worlds most difficult bike race in one day. Fell at 42 miles and broke his jaw. Finished 124 more miles</p>

<p>Atilla the Hun.Disordered tribes into most terrifying force. Together unity</p>

<p>William McGuffey - “The philosophy of the school room in one generation will be philosophy of the government in the next.”</p>

<p>David Allen: “you can do anything, but not everything.”</p>

<p>Thomas Jefferson: “I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.”</p>

<p>MLK: “intelligence plus character- that is the goal of true education.”</p>

<p>Alexander Graham Bell. “Consider how the suns rays do not burn until brought into focus. Likewise, intelligence is useless until concentrated.”</p>

<p>Loom up Adlai Stevenson the 1st. He can be used for you to make up any story or quote for.</p>

5

<p>Thank U so much for ur time and effort! </p>