<p>After scanning over this/reading it for 2 minutes, I would give this a 7 or an 8.</p>
<p>"Changing decisions when circumstances change is essential to advance mankind. "
I thought your thesis was somewhat confusing; try making it as blunt and direct as possible: “People should change their decisions when circumstances change.”</p>
<p>“Original decisions are almost always wrong in situations”
This sounded kind of awkward to me. Perhaps “situations” isn’t the best word to use here.</p>
<p>“Examples from history and sports prove my view point to be pervasive.”
Try not to use first person (unless using writing a personal anecdote). It also feels like you’re using “pervasive” just for the sake of using it. Pervasive means more like spreading widely, and suggests more of a negative connotation.</p>
<p>“Staying with original decisions is a cantankerous idea.”
Same as above; cantankerous is more like bad-tempered/quarrelsome</p>
<p>“Lincoln’s endeavors to pass the 13th Amendment seemed futile at first because it was rejected in the House before.”</p>
<p>Don’t end a sentence with a preposition! (before)</p>
<p>“Without bipartisan support slavery may exist today” should be changed to “Without the bipartisan support is received, …” (tense)</p>
<p>Grade me back?
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1421446-please-score-my-essay.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1421446-please-score-my-essay.html</a></p>