<p>The list has been drawn up, the interviews and tours attended, the applications in, March 10 circled on the calendar. </p>
<p>Here is a place where parents going through the admissions and decision process can offer news, insights, and support - kids (applicants, current students, alums) and veteran parents are welcome too. Join in and let us know how it's going for your family!</p>
<p>We embarked on the journey impromptu. Got the idea in mid-Dec, and hastened through the whole process (submitted the last app @11.59PM on Jan.14.) After cool-down, I am now very reluctant to send my 13-year old to Boarding. He is an integral part of my family. It will change our daily life forever. I mean, after boarding, it will be college, etc…</p>
<p>Anyone has similar feeling, kind like buyer-remorse…</p>
<p>Sure f2000sa, you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel that way. FWIW, I posted this on the “missing my kid” thread in the college parents forum (where I lurk to avoid obstacles on the road ahead):</p>
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<p>Your life WILL change forever, so will your child’s, but that’s the point. ;)</p>
<p>f2000sa - well, you don’t <em>have</em> to choose boarding school - right now it’s just an option for your son, right? Time to think about it. See where he gets in, and if that is better than your local options.</p>
<p>In our case, there’s no question. DS is at a jr. boarding school now, and while I went through your same thought process at the time, the rewards have been so great, that we all agree that continuing at boarding school, for him, is a foregone conclusion. Yes, of course, we miss our son, but knowing what we know now, we’d do it over in a nanosecond.</p>
<p>After so many months of activity, it feels really strange to shift from “busy” to “wait” mode! This is “year two” of the process for our family. Last year, we started the process quite late (December 2010), and DS applied to two very selective schools. He was waitlisted at one and declined at the other. </p>
<p>He was disappointed, but didn’t want to give up on the idea of BS. After reading on this forum about how important it is to cast a wide net, we decided to give it another try. This time around, we took a very different approach. A year ago, we defined “fit” as: an ACRONYM school that had high SSAT/SAT scores, had a high percentage of boarders, and offered specific courses, activities, and sports that exactly matched DS’s current interests. This time our definition of “fit” was much broader. Most important, it was not about name or fame, but more about school values and culture, and specifically the peer culture at the school. </p>
<p>The “Hidden Gems” thread was a great resource to begin to discover schools that we were not familiar with, but were excellent schools in so many ways. We worked with a consultant to help us further define DS’s needs, and to help identify even more schools that would be a good fit for him. We ended up with a list of around 20 schools to consider. We did lots of research, requested info from 10, he visited 8, and applied to 4. The range was from “very likely” to “major reach” as far as the admission statistics were for the schools. (And neither school he applied to last year made the final cut of schools he applied to this year, as other schools that were a better fit for him moved up on the list, pushing these two down on the list.) He only applied to schools that he knew he would be thrilled to attend if he was accepted. </p>
<p>DS is already fortunate this year, because he just received an acceptance from a school he applied to that has rolling admissions. He is generally relaxed about waiting for decisions from the other schools he applied to, all with March 10 dates, since he knows he’s been accepted to a school he loves. </p>
<p>It is difficult to adequately express my appreciation to so many of the frequent posters on this forum. Your insights and willingness to share your own experiences have been invaluable to our family as we’ve moved through this process. Thank you for the part you’ve played in our journey!</p>
<p>f2000sa: oh your words resonate. A year ago at this time we felt the same. Had we had any real local options, I don’t think we would have gone forward. That said though, technology really has changed the experience. We sometimes spend hours on Skype and the schools have become a part of all of our lives, even remotely. I hate when the kids fly, and when they hurt (illness, whatever) I feel powerless, but at this point the biggest grief is feeling less involved and invested in our local community. Mind you, if I had to attend one more dysfunctional local athletic event I would have started babbling to myself, but I no longer feel close to the families we grew up with and that makes me wistful. But truly, sending kids to a school where $50K+ is spent per kid vs. $6-10K, the number of benefits is immeasurable. My advice is to enjoy each moment now, and don’t think about this until you see how you feel at revisits.</p>
<p>Just a couple observations. This is our second time around also. DS only applied to 4 schools two years ago, and this time for child #2, we are casting a wider net and also looking at hidden gems.</p>
<p>A couple things have changed since two years ago, I thought I would pass on, which made the process more onerous this time around. First, child #2 was invited to an infinite number of online chat discussions hosted by the schools. Honestly, she just couldn’t keep up. On one hand, she just wanted to hunker down and complete the essays; on the other hand she didn’t want to offend anyone and we didn’t know if they were gauging her interest level based on how many “chat” sessions she attended by school.</p>
<p>Second, once the apps were in, we gave a sigh of relief, but we continue to hear from the schools asking for additional information, such as, “We hear you love soccer, tell us more…” when everything has already been submiited in the application itself.</p>
<p>I mentioned to dear spouse, that this season seems like the “never ending application.” We didn’t have this experience the first time around. It just proves to me how much more competitive and how much more demanding the process has become and probably will continue to as it evolves. </p>
<p>It will all be worth it however, if DD gets into one of the schools she can see herself attending. On a separate note, one thing I found particularly helpful to me was the ‘lessons learned thread’ that last year’s parents started post Apr 10. I’d be happy to contribute to a similar discussion this year after DD has enrolled or decides to attend local public school. I’d be happy to share what I have learned about the process, now in Round #2.</p>
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<p>Way to go, mountainhiker! Congratulations!!!</p>
<p>Our brush with buyer’s remorse:</p>
<p>This time last year we were filled with a sense of relief for just getting thru the application submission process. As we started the process after Xmas, it was a whirlwind rush to cram EVERYTHING (SSAT, essays, recs, interviews) all in the month of Jan. The experience was so intense that we didn’t have time to think about anything else but meeting the deadline.</p>
<p>Relief evolved into antsy anticipation for the 10-March decision day. During the tantalizing wait, I planned the logistics for the Revisit days (complicated, as we live far away), based on what I estimated the probable decision outcomes would be, in line with the historical admit rates.</p>
<p>When 10-March finally came, we were stunned by the results—totally opposite of our expectations, hence my frequent admonishment to applicants to “cast a wide net”. </p>
<p>We revisited the schools we never seriously thought we would be revisiting, with DS in skeptical funk. As I have described in other threads: YES! The Revisit Days make a difference! DS found his home, and spouse & I were so relieved. We signed the chosen school’s contract and informed the other schools to remove S from its list.</p>
<p>DS’s enthusiasm for his new school was great for us parents immediately. But during the 4-month lull between April Revisit days and Sept matriculation, the buyer’s remorse started to creep in—what have we done??? We parents kept our second-guessing to ourselves and kept a brave face in front of son, family, friends and semi-hostile parents at the middle school (we were surprised how many parents took it as an affront that we chose BS, as if it was a criticism of their own parenting).</p>
<p>When September move-in day finally arrived, the entire family by now was clearly nervous. But thank goodness for the returning kids in his dorm hall. They were absolutely fabulous! So welcoming, friendly, and eager to help him move in and be part of their world. They took him off to lunch, and when spouse & I met up with him there at a table with 9 other laughing, animated kids, he gave us the “Mom & Dad go away look”. Then we knew we made the right decision.</p>
<p>Congratulations to your DC, mountainhiker! And great stories, everyone.</p>
<p>One thing I’m wondering about is how to manage the fact that most schools send out decisions on March 10 and then immediately go on spring break, then have revisits very soon after starting up again. Are they really unreachable during the break? What if, once DC is admitted, you have a key question that will determine if you plan a revisit or not? What if you want to get the name of, say, a current parent to ask some questions before booking flights, etc?</p>
<p>Administrative staff are in. AOs are generally not.</p>
<p>@2kidsnoanswers: the table would be turned at that time. Schools will bomb you with information and are eager to take your calls.</p>
<p>Congratulations @mountainhiker. So excited for you. It must be such a relief.</p>
<p>@f2000sa - I’m the product of a boarding school. So I thought I understood what the process would mean. But when my D was accepted it was harder to let go than I thought. I realized what my “going” had done to my mother and why she became so hands on. I won’t lie - it does leave a hole in your heart. But it’s temporary.</p>
<p>A month after school started we were invited to spend a week on campus with a small group of other parents to “look under the hood.” One of the dads asked if I had gotten over walking past an empty room. I had not, he had not either. </p>
<p>But you know what - it took a few Skype sessions where she was giggling, talking to dorm mates who were waltzing into her room to forage through her drawer of snacks to make things better. My husband and I ramped up date nights and focused on the daughter who remained at home. We realized that boarding school is out a lot - between parent weekends if you can afford to go, Thanksgiving (a week off), Christmas (2-3 weeks off), Spring parent weekend, Spring break (3 weeks) etc. they’re not gone as much as it seems.</p>
<p>I won’t kid you - the first few months are rough for new kids because the academic rigor is much tougher so we had to mediate expectations from our formerly straight A kid who got a lower than expected test score. She rallied, we learned to sit on our hands as she and her teachers got used to each other. We sat on our hands as she navigated through the make new friends phase. And then she started slipping and calling her school “home.” Odd - but that made things better.</p>
<p>So fast forward - she surprised us with an application to study abroad. The school was supportive. So now we don’t have those “breaks” because she’s overseas for the entire year. But the host mom and I are friends on Facebook (I keep a translator handy), my daughter Skypes often so I met all the family members virtually, then we all trekked overseas for holiday visit. If we had not done the BS transition first, it would have been hard. </p>
<p>So know you aren’t alone. We’ve been there. If your child really wants to go to school, don’t block them. Two days after my daughter landed in the hands of a foreign family, she called to say the program was the scariest thing she’d ever done, and the best thing she’d ever done. I remembered her saying the same about boarding school even though the night before drop off we hugged all night in the hotel as if the world would end (and I joked that I could buy her a last minute ticket home and we could skip enrollment 
) The next day as we checked out she met another girl enrolling for the first time, got on campus and the Football team was in charge of moving her luggage into her room, and that was it. Off she went with her Senior mentor to explore campus and meet teachers and learn how to navigate. And I commiserated with the other parents.</p>
<p>And it was worth it.</p>
<p>I know our experience is not necessarily true for everyone, but for the most part - if your child wants the experience and picks a school that is a good academic and personality fit - it might be an amazing experience - for the student and for you.</p>
<p>@exie I know this has been asked before, but what school does your daughter go to because it sounds like a really supportive environment?</p>
<p>Just checking in with all the parents to see how it is going. For those who have been through this before, do email notices usually get sent to the student’s email address or parents as well?</p>
<p>I think I read that it depends on the school. Last time I did this, all notifications were by snail mail.</p>
<p>Anyone with buyer’s remorse yet?</p>
<p>Not remorse, really – we are happy that d had choices, and that she was able to find one school which was clearly “the right one”. But I have to admit I am looking at the calendar thinking “what have I done? And what will I do without her?” I read GMT’s post above and it made me feel much better. And her school is an easy drive from home, so I can be there for games and events and just take her to dinner…it’ll be ok. Or so I keep telling myself. ;)</p>
<p>I have the opposite of buyers’ remorse. I wish my son could start at BS tomorrow, it just all looks so amazing. I’m ready to help him pick his classes, and rush out and buy new clothes, and all that kind of stuff, and it’s not actually time to do any of that yet! (or, I suppose, what I really wish is that I could quit my job and go to BS instead, because there were an awful lot of classes and activities that sounded just fascinating)</p>
<p>I am squarely in the “what have we done” camp. But that is just at this minute. Next minute, I will be in the “I can’t wait for her to start” camp. LOL It is certainly a roller coaster of emotions. I went away to school so I know a bit of what my daughter can expect. What I DIDN’T KNOW is what my parents went through. </p>
<p>Don’t get me wrong: I don’t truly think this is a bad decision. It just seems so final all of a sudden. Am hoping there will be a flood of forms and parent information on the way soon. That would enable me to ACT on something instead of worry. LOL</p>
<p>It will all be fine. I know that. Just not so convinced late at night … :-)</p>