<p>Each day I get a little less optimistic that our child will be admitted to some of the "reach" schools he applied to. I have not mentioned my fears to him, and he still seems very optimistic that he will be accepted.</p>
<p>My question to some you experienced parents out there is, should I just keep my mouth shut and deal with his reaction to the decisions when they come, or should I try to make sure he understands that the decisions are not likely to be what he hopes they will be, so he's "braced" for the worst?</p>
<p>If I were satisfied that (1) he has pretty much understood the process all along, and that (2) he has an acceptable safety, then I probably would not say anything.</p>
<p>I feel like right now <em>I</em> am having the anxiety attacks but my child is cruising along pretty well. I think she's pretty realistic though, and while she'll be disappointed if she doesn't get in to her dream school, she won't be crushed. If this is how your child is, I'd leave it alone and suffer your own anxiety in silence. If you really think your child needs a little dose of reality, you might want to gently broach that subject, although frankly, this late in the process I think I'd be likely to just keep my mouth shut. It won't go well for you if you try to inject reality and then your child is accepted at one of the reach schools (I'm hearing 'you never support me' in my head as I write this).</p>
<p>Reach schools are just that. When you apply to a reach school, you should take into consideration that rejection is a probability, not a possibility. I would think you would be better off waiting for results as they will be coming in one after the other by the end of this month. You might want to prepare for the "possibility" of rejection from a match school as this would be a much harsher shock to the ego. </p>
<p>My S knows and is prepared for the probability he would be rejected to his reach schools and is still hopeful. I think hope is a good thing for them to have.</p>
<p>I think whether you tell your kid depends on whether you think it will help. If it were me, I'd think that you just didn't believe in me enough to think that I could get in. So rather than helping ease the pain, you'd kinda be adding to it, iykwim.</p>
<p>My daughter knew she had a very high probability of being rejected from her super reach from the start. In fact, if she gets waitlisted that means her essays were pretty good or at least the adcoms got her.</p>
<p>Based on my miss steps with my own kids (of which there were many though I have always though I was a fairly tactful person with normal people :D) I would say leave it or you will get the 'you don't believe in me' reaction fatladysings says. Just be there for support and encouragement if there are rejections.</p>
<p>I haven't been through this process -- only S is a HS freshman -- but I should think (in my naivete) that it might be a good idea to praise your student for applying, for reaching, if rejected. That means your S will not have to wonder "what if I had applied to better schools?" or regret that maybe he didn't reach high enough.</p>
<p>It takes moxie to make oneself vulnerable to rejection. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, with risk comes reward, etc. and so on. Good for all kids who take the risk! Something to be proud of, that.</p>
<p>(Signed, formerly timid student who didn't reach)</p>
<p>You can't prepare your kid for the results. Unless they live in under a rock, they're getting plenty of feedback from their peers. </p>
<p>Four years ago, we had the worst case imaginable. April 1, she received NO admissions. Instead, she received 4 waitlists and one rejection. The result was a complete shock, made worse by the optimism everyone, including her advisor, had. </p>
<p>The next day was even worse, when she went to school and had to observe the celebrations of all of her classmates who did get into the same schools. She went to a public school in the Boston area that sent 13 kids to Harvard alone that year, so being left out of that pool really stung. </p>
<p>Fortunately, she did get into one school she really liked. The head of her school offered to get her off the wait list at one particular Ivy (he had a close professional relationship with the head of admissions at that school) by making "the call" but only if she agreed in advance to accept. She said no, so he made the call for another student.</p>
<p>Flash forward: </p>
<ul>
<li><p>Two years later, she said she liked where she was going so much she wondered why she even bothered to apply to the other places.</p></li>
<li><p>Another year later, she won honors that left all her former HS peers (all but one!) in the dust. </p></li>
</ul>
<p>Moral: </p>
<ul>
<li> they know. they're not dumb if they're smart enough to apply to reaches. :)</li>
<li>the rejection really hurts, prepared or not.</li>
<li> they get over it fast and move on.<br></li>
</ul>
<p>So don't patronize your kids, but keep the hankie box handy and most importantly:</p>
<p>celebrate whatever outcome happens. Plan that special dinner or whatever now. Thats how you prepare, IMHO.</p>
<p>I don't know, thought my kid might be more prepared than me. He said before hand that he would be very happy if he is accepted any 9 out of the 10 schools he applied to. He got one in each category early on. Now he is all physchic up for one of his EAed "Happy" school.... But still, I think it would be 'hurt' by any rejections.</p>
<p>I think the problem is that even when you are clear eyed about the odds, you still tend to think that you'll be the one to beat them. I figured that mathson's odds at MIT, based on stats, interview, school record were a little better than 1 in 4 - that's better than the overall acceptance rate, but of course it's still odds against. I figured Harvard's odds were 50/50 not even counting the legacy boost, so we weren't too surprised by that acceptance. I have to say though that despite knowing the odds, I felt, really, really disappointed when MIT's rejection was followed by a Caltech rejection as well. I also think it's harder that the process drags on longer. In my day - except for ED all the private schools sent out letters on the same day of April.</p>
<p>rejection is always hard...but it's so much harder when your peers are celebrating their "reach" acceptances. My s knew a number of students who were accepted ED into their number one school or received acceptances from ALL or almost all of their reaches.
Not sure there's anything you can say before to help shield the blow...although it does help if you s or d comes right out and says "It'll be OK".
Our s got over his rejections quickly - and had many good choices left. And is happy now. So - time and added perspective really helps. I wonder when those kids who were wildly successful admissions will experience their first rejection. It's really part of growing up I think... Or maybe I'm just jealous :)</p>
<p>Mathmom is right: I thought my S would beat the odds on his EA school, and he didn't. It was harder for me than for him. Now he loves his safety, which is tops in his major/field. He's been accepted and is ready to go in August. But he's still waiting to hear from one extreme reach (the only school he MIGHT choose over the safety) and two other good possibilities that he has lost interest in and would not choose. If he is disappointed with a rejection from the reach, it won't last long. He's decided that he'll start aiming for a summer job or internship during college in that city, which he loves. And maybe we'll just go on vacation there this summer!</p>
<p>I think that's the key: Don't stay in the rejection moment for long. And have them remember that especially for this age group, not being accepted (a term I like better than rejected) isn't a reflection of their worth or potential.</p>
<p>Now I'm going online to order more logo-wear from his most likely college!</p>
<p>Here's another been there-done that parent who agrees with fatladysings.</p>
<p>I didn't even realize my D felt this way until she shared it with me 3 years later. I thought I was "preparing" her but she didn't see it that way.</p>
<p>My take is that the only proper preparation, which you may already have done, is to be even-handed in treatment of the virtues of all the schools on the kids' lists. Do NOT overemphasize the wonders of the reach schools while damning with faint praise or never mentioning the match and safer schools. Create an atmosphere where it's clear the family will be excited about acceptance and matriculation at any number of schools.</p>
<p>Of course, the kid will be disappointed if the reach(es) do not come through. But I would save the handling of that until the day arrives. In my S' case (and that of many others I've heard of), the disappointment was sharp and lasted, literally, a matter of 15 minutes or so. Because he already loved his other schools, where he had the acceptances in hand.</p>
<p>Some kids will take it harder and the feeling of defeat will last longer. But come back for help iff that happens.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, although it was 3 years ago now for me, I still remember what others have said: I took the wait harder than my kid did. That's why god invented cc... so we parents can take our neuroses to this board, where they belong ;).</p>
<p>My mother sent me a letter in the mail telling me no matter what happens, she's proud of me. Typical mother thing but I really appreciated it. Now, she had hoped to coordinate it with the arrival of some of my letters but the postal service was too fast. Nevertheless, it showed me how much she cares.</p>