<p>Well, in the next few weeks we take my S (the oldest kid) to college. His school has 3 days of parent orientation. I am thinking at this moment that this will make it harder to say good-bye. It seems it would be easier to go, help him set up his room, have a meal and leave. I really at this moment cannot imagine doing the whole process. </p>
<p>How in the he## can he be this old??? My H is not helping at all as he keeps telling me how few days my S has at home. He is gonna fall apart I think....VERY unlike him. The good news is we have a D who is involved with soccer and cheerleading concurrently so we will be very busy with her when we get home, but STILL! </p>
<p>Since my S was very little he has been very adult oriented and has been with us everywhere. My H's friends ask when they can go to lunch again with him. How can we bear to see him leave??? :-(.............</p>
<p>Several of these threads popping up. All I can say is that for myself, I enjoy the start of the new relationship you will find you have with your adult children. I love the true quality time when they come home with no homework to get done or sports practice. I love my visits to college and our travel together when he is off. My second leaves soon and I look forward to following her adventure on the other side of the Country. I love watching their adult successes. It's all good!</p>
<p>I also love the new phase in my life. Time for romance again!</p>
<p>Yes, I, too, am enjoying the Transition Milestone. I enjoyed every "last" of Senior year and have not started thinking of "lasts" in the personal vein. I admit that I am wondering if I will feel a bigger hole than I expect to, but only time will tell about that. Perhaps because my S has specialized in 18-year-old sullenness, I am optimistic that communications will actually be better when he is "out on his own" and doesn't feel he needs to put a guard up to prove his independence.</p>
<p>Our S starts in less that two weeks. He didn't realize how close it was until we looked at the calendar this weekend to plan what we have left to do. We have a one day orientation that Sunday. More than enough. Good enough to help him get moved in, for us to see him in his new home and to say an adequate goodbye.</p>
<p>This could be hard. He went to a residential high school 40 miles away, so we got used to him being gone. Then he came home. We'd miss him either way, but it's been a good summer because we all seemed to know things would change soon. Then again he's been working all summer and we've forced him to deal with most of life's problems nearly on his own as if he were independent. That'll teach him. :D</p>
<p>We'll definitely miss him. We expect to spend a fair amount on phone calls and maybe a surprise trip north or two. </p>
<p>I tend of think of how people would have kids back in the 1800's. The kids would grow up, and then one day, they would announce that they had decided to go West to Oregon or California. Then they would hitch up a wagon or just start walking. My S and I have had a wonderful relationship, but he says he is going to move to Japan after he gets out of school and probably won't be back. It is nice to have email, but the relationship that we used to have can never be the same again since he is an adult now. It is time for both of us to move on.</p>
<p>My older son also says he wants to live in Japan. However, he is home now at least until next summer. (He plans to apply to the JET program to get over to Japan.)</p>
<p>It is the younger son we will say "good-bye" to in just a couple of weeks, and I am not looking forward to it at all. Since we homeschooled--fulltime in elementary, halftime in high school, I am used to having him around. He is a delightful young man, and we often have very deep and interesting conversations. I will miss him dreadfully, I suspect. the conversations, his trumpet playing, the joking around. He is ready to head out, but I'm not sure I am. Guess I will find out soon... :-(</p>
<p>This talk of kids leaving is hard. One got married this summer, lives far far away and will be spending even Christmas with her in-laws this year, and my other biological kid is going to college far far away. Think some really good chocolate might help, but I am a bit too depressed to get off the couch to buy some. No, seriously, it is going to be hard! Their happiness is the only thing that makes me lighten up. And I still think chocolate sounds like a good idea. :)</p>
<p>Thank you, thank you, thank you! I thought I was the only parent who was both happy and sad about college. I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me! </p>
<p>I guess I have two worries. First, I am hoping that DS will be able to maintain the degree of success he had in high school. I hope he enjoys his independence and meets some really nice people. </p>
<p>The other worry is that I'm not sure if I know how to be "not a mom", because being a mom has been my focus for the past two decades. While I still have a younger daughter at home, like kdos, there will be a huge emptiness in our home (we are very close). And while my son is pretty independent, it will be strange not to see him on a daily basis. </p>
<p>If anybody had advice on how to get over this without too much chocolate or alcohol, let me know!</p>
<p>
[quote]
If anybody had advice on how to get over this without too much chocolate or alcohol, let me know!
[/quote]
I suggest taking an active interest in the college, just as you did with HS. Go ahead, put that decal on the car. Read the online student paper. Follow the athletic teams, and cheer them on. Learn the history and culture of the college. And you can do all of this without setting foot on campus or embarassing your student. Participate in any parent/family events. Plan a weekend visit or two, where you take your child out to dinner--and spend the rest of the time checking out local scenery, on your own. The hardest part is re-imagining yourself as a person who isn't a hands-on parent anymore--and that's a challenge, I must admit. It has become so much a part of our own self identities. But that "other" self is still there, and you can gradually become re-acquainted, and there's always grandparenting fantasies to fall back on if you get really sad. :)</p>
<p>Thanks, driver. You are right of course and made some excellent suggestions. I'm hoping the anxiety in the anticipation is worse than the real thing!</p>
<p>I'll have my ups and downs when I say farewell and put my oldest S on a plane in a little over 2 weeks. But I realize that his brother, 2.5 years younger, is going to have a hard time adjusting, too. On the one hand, it will be REALLY good for S2 to be able to shine and grow without having the shadow of his incredible older brother actively hanging over him. But on the other hand, he's always had S1 there to irritate, to show excitement to, to observe and potentially learn from. Theirs wasn't a traditional "big brother guarding and guiding little brother" relationship: S2 was a regular annoying pill, and S1's temperment needed space that S2 wouldn't give him. But still... I've never been a younger child; I don't know what it's like to have your older sibling leave home and leave you behind. Any advice on helping S2 manage this transition, too?</p>
<p>Don't you think the idea is to take an active interest in things for you than the kid's college? I think your kids will rest far more easily knowing you have fulfilling lives of your own than thinking you are trying to live through them.</p>
<p>I am thrilled that my only child DD is starting this new advewnture, and very excited for her. But I know I will be VERY sad after I say good-bye. 5 hours on 2 planes, I figure I can cry because I won't know my seatmates. I will be coming home to an empty house. It will be a MAJOR hard adjustment, but after tears, I plan to focus on ME for a change. And my DD says she hates the heat in TX, and does not plan on ever moving back. So, talk about sad...</p>
<p>I know just how you feel. I said good-bye to my oldest in '98 and my youngest in '03. I still feel pangs. The excitement of their growing into nice young adults is a wonderful experience. Some peace and quiet and time to myself is nice. But my gut still misses them.</p>
<p>I shed a lot of tears at first. I still shed a tear when I read my copy of a January 12, 2004 article by Anna Quindlen in Newsweek--the best one I've ever read about the empty nest. It's titled "Flown Away, Left Behind," and begins: "The empty nest is emptier than ever; after all, at its center was something so enormous that a good deal had to be sacrified for it. . . ." She wonderfully describes visiting the empty bedrooms. It's well worth the $2.95 to print it from the archives. </p>
<p>That said, everyone handles their children's launching differently. I remember last year on this site two threads ran separately: the group who felt liberated by and celebratory towards their children's leaving, and the group who had a tough time. Both are "normal," of course!</p>
<p>Wow what a sad thread. No one dreaded separation more than I, a single dad raising 2 kids a year apart. Yes you'll cry and the house seems unbearably quiet but it's just temporary and a few things can help a lot:</p>
<p>-get a pet</p>
<p>-if your kids allow relatively frequent visits (mine did, 3 and 6 hours away respectively) get to know the area/city where the school is located. Find the good restaurants/theaters/malls/hiking trails, whatever. Bring along your bike. So when you visit, if they are busy (which hopefully is most of the time!) you can still have fun even if you can only sneak in a quick breakfast with them.</p>
<p>-a minor thing but I subscribed to the paper version of their school newspapers. Even though they're online it's fun to get them in the mail. And you get to read the ads that don't appear online.</p>
<p>-you really look forward to those road trips.</p>
<p>I don't know how common my family is.. by the way.. I'm not a parent, 19 CC student preparing to transfer..</p>
<p>Oldest brother, age 24, moved to a college an hour away about a year ago and me, the youngest, willl be moving to a college an hour away this Spring. </p>
<p>My middle brother (21) will likely follow me when he finishes his AA. </p>
<p>Keep this simple fact in mind: If you have a good relationship with your kid, they will miss you as much as you miss them :)</p>
<p>
[quote]
a minor thing but I subscribed to the paper version of their school newspapers. Even though they're online it's fun to get them in the mail. And you get to read the ads that don't appear online.
[/quote]
Not so minor. I agree completely. There are also lots of photos that don't appear online. Late October, 2003, in mid-despondency, I opened up a tree version of the Williams Record to see a photo of my daughter on the field with one of the teams. Not close-up enough to make out her face, but everything about it (coloring, hair, posture, body English) made it obvious to all who saw it that it was her (and I carried it around for a week and showed it to everybody!). It felt so good to see her right then.</p>
<p>Heck, we've had the decal on the car ever since Honors Weekend last spring. We even have a plate on the front of the Bounder that will be our only home after his first yeat at school. THEN we'll be able to drop in on him from time to time.</p>
<p>I think he will miss us, too. After all, he knows we not only love him dearly but also like him an awful lot. We've certainly told him so! He's setting us up with cameras on the computers so we can talk face-to-face often. That will surely help! Very generous of him, too.</p>