Private Personal Essay

<p>Im currently writing my essays for private schools and I'm planning to major in engineering and I felt this experience is good and fits well, please let me know what you think. Also needs to be shorten</p>

<p>Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.</p>

<p>The thought of failure behind my head, the butterfly feeling in my stomach, I felt like I was making a mistake. I took AP Calculus BC rather than AP statistics. Heading in Calculus BC I felt a little intimidated and scared because I didn’t do all that good in Calculus AB. Its always been a goal to get my bachelors in engineering so I can work in the technology field but the grade I received in AB made me feel that I couldn’t handle the math.
I wanted to see if I was cut out for engineering, so I took BC. The first day of class I was discouraged, my teacher wrote integrals, derivatives, and formulas. Staring at the board I couldn’t recall anything, I totally forgot my basics of calculus. I felt my foundation wouldn’t even get me passed the first lesson. Five minutes before the bell rang, my teacher yelled out “Test on Friday”, a cold shiver went down my back and felt that butterfly feeling I hate.
I sat at home staring at my notebook and looking at the notes I copied down from today, I had no idea what they meant or what to do. I looked at my calendar and noticed its Thursday. I told myself “What should I do” and that’s when I remembered my memories of my curiosity of technology. In like a snap of finger I woke up and found this self-motivation that made me get my old Calculus AB notebook and review note by note. Overtime I started connecting the dots to what my teacher wrote. I spent hours trying to comprehend to the best of ability, knowing that this class is the next step that will get me closer to my goal.
Its Friday, I walk in to class and the butterflies are running wild in my stomach. I look at my notebook for one more quick view before he handed out the test. In matter of seconds all I hear is “Everything off the desks”. I put everything away and just sat there waiting for that white paper that was in my teacher’s hand. He set it face down on my desk; I had this feeling like my life was all on this test. The only words I heard next are “flip it over and start”.
I flip the test and to my surprise, I noticed it’s easy. Everything I been reviewing just came together and allowed me to solve every problem with no sign of the butterfly feeling. I was able to find limits, graphs, and derivatives. When I finished that last problem, I looked over my test and felt relaxed, it felt like twenty pounds just feel of my shoulder and that feeling of success felt amazing.
I returned on Monday back to class and my teacher was passing out the tests. He gave me my test face down and the butterfly feelings came back, I flipped the test over, the butterfly feeling vanished when I saw a five on the top right corner. Next Friday I got my next test and I got a five and the following Friday I got a four and next Friday I got a five. I have one of the highest grades in the class. It felt so good knowing that I proved myself wrong and that I stepped up to challenge because I feel even closer to my goal than ever.</p>

<p>It’s not very strong. First of all, “good” should be changed to “well.” Also, the ending seems rushed and of poor quality. Also also, you flip between past and present tense. Also also also, the “impact on you” is reduced to one sentence:

</p>

<p>Overall, it doesn’t say anything about who you are.</p>

<p>really went outside the box there.</p>

<p>I have to agree with born2dance, unfortunately your essay is lacking. The topic itself isn’t bad, but it’s full of grammatical errors. You could also use better diction to increase the quality of the essay. Also, I believe your essay goes over the 500 word limit for the common application? </p>

<p>The good part is that you have a foundation. Just go and review your essay and work on condensing it. Before you say you can’t, there are words and phrases you can rewrite or eliminate all together to make a clearer, more concise essay.</p>