<p>Hi Everyone -- my first post on this forum. I first discovered CC in August when trying to find info for my daughter who is a HS senior. I am continually impressed by the wealth of knowledge on this site.</p>
<p>My son has struggled throughout his years at our public school. Cs and Ds in middle school, and now in 9th grade, Bs and Cs. Knowing what I know about how difficult it is for even good students to get into college, I worry about his chances. To some degree, I know he'll be fine -- he is a great person -- cute, friendly, caring, clever, funny, with tons of friends (boys and girls) and he's good at sports (tennis, golf, football, baseball, lacrosse, track). So most of his identity comes from friends and sports, not school. But I am seriously considering pulling him from his public school and sending him where he would have smaller class size, more attention, and (I hope) get that "spark" where you start to really like to learn things. Right now, he does the bare minimum to get through assignments. I would be open to boarding or day school (we live outside NYC). I heard about the Forman School in CT, but I think he would benefit more from a mainstream school with some awareness of learning disabilities vs. a school that is mostly LD kids. I would much appreciate any ideas/suggestions on schools we should look at. Thanks in advance.</p>
<p>PS As I write this, I wonder -- should I just let him be an ok student with a great personality? Is that enough? Or should I create another environment where he'll get the skills to compete?</p>
<p>That great personality is something that will do a great deal for him in the future and I would certainly count a great personality as a “skill to compete.”</p>
<p>Without knowing your son, it’s very hard to say. I guess a lot of it depends on what his goals are. Does he want to go to a competitive college? I understand your wanting him to be more motivated towards his school work. It does seem a shame that a child should spend so much time in school and not enjoy the primary purpose of it.</p>
<p>Your PS is very telling. You love him for who he is and my general rule of thumb is that if a child is doing well and is happy, leave it alone. I understand your concern looking to the future and college apps. He will indeed need better than Bs and Cs to be competitive but don’t underestimate the draw of charming AND athletic kids. If he is the kind of kid that people like to be around, that will show in his application.</p>
<p>Good luck and remember that visiting a school does not mean you have to apply and applying doesn’t mean acceptance and acceptance doesn’t mean attending. Be flexible and ask him, really ask him, what he wants. He may very well like the idea of a challenge. Maybe he doesn’t feel like his assignments are worth putting more effort into them. I would suggest a heart to heart with him - preferably in the car when he can’t run ;)</p>
<p>I think this is a really complicated situation. Who’s to say that he hasn’t caught that spark? (His grades are improving, you say.) What does the testing indicate? Is he underachieving? And, if so, why? The fact that your son isn’t doing as well as your daughter doesn’t mean he’s in a bad environment. He’s probably just not cut from the same cloth. And maybe the public school has all – or possibly more – of the resources he would need to succeed.</p>
<p>Also, as neato touches on, the idea of having your child be a great kid is something you’re more qualified to judge…and define. I wouldn’t let college admissions drive this decision. He may be maturing a little too late to catch on in time for HYPS to happen. So what? There’s no guarantee that he’ll be any closer to that with a private/boarding school change. There are lots of positives you mentioned and – again following neato’s lead – I think you should be disinclined to upset the apple cart.</p>
<p>The goal for all kids is, I think, for them to graduate from high school as their best possible selves. That’s way different from saying they should graduate from high school with the best possible college admission records. There’s still lots of growing and learning to be done in college. Heck, there’s lots of growing and learning to be done when your kids are in college, right? It just never stops. Give him the tools he needs to grow and learn. Help him grow and learn while you’re still calling the shots. Set a good example; teach him to cope with the quirks and odd hang-ups he may have inherited from you or your spouse; and have him in the environment where the growth and learning trajectory is upward and unlimited. Where that is, I have no idea. And I’ve said this a lot lately – perhaps it’s a phase I’m going through or perhaps it’s just that I’ve been drawn to posts where this advice is relevant – but a good educational consultant can really help with this kind of decision. (They’re not just for picking out good boarding schools and helping with the application! They can also provide testing services and good, learned advice as to which direction to go.)</p>
<p>I’d hesitate to send a boy who’s thriving in so many ways at home away to bs, especially a kid who sounds like he might need lots of parental support and structure. The social scene at bs can be a real temptation away from schoolwork, and most schools require self-motivation and self-discipline that still be developing in your son, at least where academics are concerned. I’ve got a kid who sounds a lot like yours, and while we’re keeping an open mind, at this point we’re thinking it will be best to keep him home, then send him to the local community college his last two years of high school–another academic track that many competitive colleges respect. Often late developers will really shine in those last two years, and straight A’s at CC can make a college application stand out from the crowd, especially when the kids continue on with their high school ec’s and athletics. </p>
<p>A good day school that offers the athletics and other activities that your boy excels at, along with smaller class sizes, might be another great option. My best friend did that this fall for her two boys, and they are getting exactly the kind of personal attention you’re describing and doing much better academically than they were in ps.</p>
<p>Reading these boards, one can get the sense that bs is a panacea, rather than a place where a certain kind of kid can thrive. Best to you as you explore your options!</p>
<p>I agree a good educational consultant could be very helpful. There are a number of great schools out there. You might want to look at a few that are highly structured in terms of study halls and ones that have learning centers/tutoring support. Salisbury, Trinity-Pawling, Proctor, Millbrook are just a few that might be worth looking at. You also might consider having him repeat a grade. I was surprised by the number of students in boarding school that have repeated a grade. Some repeat for academics; others to be more competitive in athletics - it is not uncommon. Since you are considering it, my advice is, go take a look. You are fortunate to live in the NYC area so it shouldn’t be to hard to tour a few schools. Good luck!</p>
<p>Your son to me sounds like a terrrific boy - “caring, clever, funny with tons of frineds”. Those characterstics alone will make him succesful in life. I would prefer your son to the straight A student out of an Ivy with no social skills or compassion. I believe that while children should be directed by their parents, they should have the freedom to “blaze their own trail” in life. When they have that freedom, you may be surprised where it takes them. Nothing wrong with B’s and a few “gentlmen’s C’s” - there are plenty of respectable colleges that he could attend with those grades. I would leave it up to your son - take him on a few visits (Proctor might be one to consider) and see what HE thinks.</p>
<p>I’d like to promote Suffield Academy. I know a girl there now who sounds very much like your son with respect to sports, socially and academically and that school has really been a 110% plus for her all the way around.</p>
<p>I know that in certain areas of the country–I live in such an area–it is easy to lose track of that fact, as parents turn college applications into a competitive grind. If you like your son’s friends, and he is happy at his current high school, working in his courses, and turning in his homework, you may not need to send him to a different school.</p>
<p>If he doesn’t want to go, it could be disastrous. It would be much better if he were to come to you wishing to change schools. Changing schools only to improve the college outcomes would seem to be fraught with peril. High school students are still maturing. If he could be just as happy at a less-selective college, why send him away?</p>
<p>There are some schools that specialize in turning students around. But I’ll have to warn you - BS is hard. Students used to getting A’s are often shocked that they are scoring C’s and B’s initially.</p>
<p>As an interviewer I’d ask - what does he have a passion for and can he motivate himself in something?</p>
<p>Don’t send him if he doesn’t want to go.<br>
Don’t send him if you’re counting on the school to motivate him.
Don’t sent him to get him into college. If he goes to BS and can’t keep up (the work is relentless) he might suffer both in terms of self-esteem and college entrance chances.</p>
<p>I suggest hiring a tutor to work with him outside of his classwork. If that doesn’t do the trick, then perhaps he’s not college ready. That’s okay. Many students wait, take a gap year, or shoot for a smaller college.</p>
<p>Look for colleges (or boarding schools) that have “learning centers.” It’s becoming increasingly common. A lot of schools are noticing that some of their most productive graduates started as C students. Not all students learn the same way and they have faculty that know how to adjust for that.</p>
<p>Momb2K – yes, I have definitely talked to him about it. Sometimes, he’s interested in the idea (H happened to see the “history” on his computer and it was all prep schools), but at other times, he says he would rather stay home and be with his friends. I’ve been pretty honest with him about how I think he would benefit from smaller class size and that he has to make the effort. I tell him for some people, school comes easily, like sports and making friends come easily for him. He just has to put in more effort. I try to focus on the parts of school he likes and does well in (essays). But for all his good qualities, he is lazy sometimes. My gut tells me he’ll do better if I can really monitor him, so while he may get a better education elsewhere, he might not have the maturity to learn AND live away from home.</p>
<p>Don’t expect any BS to change or motivate your son–if they have it, BS is an option; if they don’t BS will be drowning. A change of scenery, small classes, and sparkling teachers can make a difference to spark what is already there–but it will not morph a child. On balance, changes at home and encouraging parents can probably make a bigger difference than any BS can–most are are not geared toward anything other than providing opportunities and a good education for already capable, mature, and motivated students.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for all the great tips – I will definitely check out Vermont Academy, Proctor, Suffield, Governors.</p>
<p>Thanks too Periwinkle – you’re right – we get so focused on the small number of highly selective schools, it’s easy to forget there are so many good schools where he could get in and get a great education.</p>
<p>His preference would be to stay put, but I’m concerned that he wants to stay where he is for the wrong reasons (it’s familiar, he can hang out with his friends, it’s comfortable). </p>
<p>Another facet of this whole equation – I picked him up, drunk, from a friend’s house this past weekend. I feel like he’s on the road to nowhere. I know from other posters that there are substance abuse issues if your child goes away to school. I don’t know whether he’s better off at home where at least I have some idea of what he’s doing.</p>
<p>As I have extensive first hand experience raising my own sons in prep schools, I would highly recommend you read this book. Or better yet get on “books on tape”.
[Boys</a> Adrift](<a href=“http://www.boysadrift.com/]Boys”>http://www.boysadrift.com/)</p>
<p>I have no affiliation with the writer / publisher, it was recommended by a grownup friend at SPS.</p>
<p>The book tries to put boys’ lives today into perspective.</p>
<p>Classof2015: Now this is just me (well and my husband by whom I ran your scenario), but I would not send my boy to bs if he preferred socializing to studying and if he was drinking. I’d keep him at home under my watchful eye and put him in a challenging, private day school with good sports and ec’s to keep him busy. It would scare me to death to send him away.</p>
<p>^Yep – that’s my thought too. He needs to be on a short leash, with at home lock down in my bag of tricks to keep him in line. And no driver’s ed for him when he turns 16 if he can’t show a real pick up in maturity and judgment.</p>
<p>A full year’s tuition and room and board flushed down the drain when he decides that he can kill two birds with one, um, stone (rimshot): get out of the whole boarding school thing by catching a good buzz at the headmaster’s doorstep.</p>
<p>I think this situation resolved itself and is not as complicated as I first thought it to be (strictly in terms of the BS or not BS question…because, actually, the overall picture is more complicated than ever).</p>