Lately I’ve really been struggling with making close friends in college. I have my floor which I hang out on, but I haven’t really been able to connect with people as much as I’d like to. I feel like everyone here just associates themselves with their group of friends, and outside of these groups people don’t hang out much. Is this normal for schools? It honestly feels a lot like highschool. I go to a small school with under 5k students, so I was wondering if that had anything to do with it.
I ask this because like I said, I’ve felt a bit lost lately. There was drama last semester with some friends. Coming in this semester, I feel like I have nobody to turn to, yet there’s no place really to escape to since it’s such a small school.
I don’t think that’s specific to a particular school; I had a similar experience in a similar-sized college. I think it is a really common thing to have happen during the second semester of your first year–people kind of grow apart from the quick acquaintances they made freshman year and find a group they really fit in with. And there’s drama as these old friendships reveal themselves to be the shallow, quick kind that happen when a bunch of people who don’t know each other are forced together.
If you’re interested in making closer, more lasting friendships, it takes some effort on your part. The floor and dining hall are good places to start, but if you’re not already, get involved in some clubs. Clubs will automatically give you a common interest with potential friends and a much less formal atmosphere than class. There are clubs for pretty much any interest you can imagine, from recreational sports to Dungeons and Dragons to art and academic clubs. Another good way to make friends is to chat with friendly-looking people before and after class and if they seem nice, ask whether you can study together or be lab/project partners. It takes some effort and risk to make good friendships but it’s really rewarding.
My D2 changed friend groups a few times in college. The transition was a little rough, but she did it. The first semester she hung out with people she met at orientation. They turned out in the long run to be not particularly nice people. She met more people in classes and in the lab she started working in. My D1 just kept adding friends (she is that kind of person) – one way she made a lot of her friends was working in the campus writing center. The other writing center tutors were her type.
If you don’t have a job, maybe get a part time job (good way to meet people). Join a campus organization that requires a fair amount of time spent together (theater, newspaper, choir, etc). If there is a campus group that does volunteer work around the community, join that.
So update: Just today I got off campus to go to the grocery store. I felt about 100 times better. I realized I missed seeing society, as my campus is a bit closed off from everything. I don’t know what to do though, as not long after getting back I started feeling stuck again. I don’t know what a long term solution to this could be.
I think that what you are noticing is very common. It is hard to make friends. It takes a long time to really know someone. Sometimes after you have known someone for a long time, you can be very surprised in either a positive or negative direction by something that a person does. In many cases you won’t even know who your true friends are until something goes wrong.
Taking part in activities such as school clubs can help. Noticing when a person has a problem and being helpful to them can also help you to make friends. To a large extent this takes time and effort and attention.
You went to the grocery store and it improved your feelings. Find more ways to get out. Invite someone you know to go for a walk after a meal or something.