Prom Question for Mom..

Parent Cafe
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<p>My sons' school hosts an after-prom party at the school that is probably more popular than the prom itself. After-prom lasts until 3:30 am, is heavily supervised by adults, and features arcade games, sumo wrestling, casino games, and lots and lots of give-aways, including computers and iPods. No alcohol, alcohol breath, or bad behavior tolerated!</p>

<p>Last year my junior son didn't go to prom, but went to after-prom with a group of friends. After after-prom, they had breakfast at IHOP and got home around 5 am.</p>

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<p>My sons' school also has the Senior Celebration (heavily supervised) after the Prom, at a local health club. It lasts from midnight until 5:00 am, and transportation to the location is by bus. Even boys who don't go to Prom go to the Celebration. Although their dates are welcome to stay for the fun, most of the guys just want to hang out for their last night together, and some of the girls go home after the prom. Some of the kids then drive home at 5:00 am, but another dad brought my son and his son home, since they were both 17. In Massachusetts it is illegal for anyone under 18 to drive between midnight and 5:00 am.</p>

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<p>My daughter has attended coed sleepovers for her athletic team and theater group. I believe her that nothing sexual has occured at these events. Considering the number of out gay/bi kids, the coed aspect isn't all that sensational. As I recall from my own youth, it was the older brothers of girls having sleepovers who were the issue. These boys loved supplying alcohol and seeing what happened, while the parents were blissfully asleep.</p>

<p>Prom does present a different context though, by the nature of pairing up under romantic circumstances. I'd prefer to pick up my daughter at a reasonable hour or have her attend a school sponsored after party.</p>

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<p>Yeah, the fact that it is a coed sleepover following a date makes me somewhat uncomfortable, and the ages are a big thing - if it was all seniors who had known each other for years, and no heavy duty BF/GF, I would feel a little less uncertain than in my daughter's case where everyone was a senior except one date, who was 15.</p>

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<p>I think it's important for parents to avoid putting kids in a situation that they may not know how to handle -- the age differences make it even more important. A 15 ot 16 year old may not have the skills to say "No" -- there may be more pressure to experiment than the girl feels comfortable handling.</p>

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<p>I think it's important for parents to avoid putting kids in a situation that they may not know how to handle -- the age differences make it even more important. A 15 ot 16 year old may not have the skills to say "No" -- there may be more pressure to experiment than the girl feels comfortable handling.</p>

<p>I agree
even though my daughter has been in coed sleeping arrangments since elementary school ( most notable was on an 8th gd trip her tent collapsed in a storm and they had to bunk with boys)her circumstances were different
But parents need to know their kids and their friends- and provide backup.
They are kids and make stupid choices-even adults will do things under peer pressure.
But it does depend on the environment- I wouldn't necessarily assume every coed party was going to end in an orgy - but especially if there is any possiblity that they will have access to alcohol or other substances-then adults need to help maintain the line</p>

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<p>I have been to prom twice before. I went my fresh year with my senior boyfriend of 6 months. My mom used to work for someone who had a limo driver and we became quite close to him so he drove our limo after prom. I came home for good at 7AM. Justin and I went to the prom until 1AM, decided not to go to afterprom, went to all the DC monuments at around 2AM (it was SOOOO romantic and sweet), tried to find some parties but decided we didn't like any of the ones going on, went back to my house to watch a movie, then went out to an all night diner, then went home for good. A few hours later after some sleep and no more limo we drove to the mall to return his tux and eat at the rainforest cafe.</p>

<p>Last year I went with a girl (so all of you coed vs. non coed it doens't really make a difference considering 50% of the staff at my high school is GBLTQ and a lot the students are as well). We went to prom and then after prom. After "after prom" we went to a party by taxi. My mom was POed because when she picked me up I told her I had some to drink and she was worried I had done it at prom/after prom. But of course I did not do that. That would be a serious risk in getting trouble and I wouldn't want that.</p>

<p>Now I am a senior and my prom is rapidly approaching. I am 18 years old and my parents don't really have any say in the night. My mom said that if I take my freshwoman sister as a date then I will have a curfew though. I guess that makes sense, she is only 15.</p>

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<p>Note: really long post. yes, I have too much time on my hands.</p>

<p>Hey parents, it really depends on how responsible your son/daughter is and how responsible his/her date is too. Of course all the friends matter too. I'm an 18 year old senior, and luckily for me (and them), my parents trust me 100%. I never drink. It's true. (Remember I have no reason to lie about it on this forum). About 99% of my peers drink and maybe 25% have smoked weed, but it really comes down to my own decisions. Parents can be strict and yell all they want, but if the kid is really set on drinking or doing drugs, he/she will do it somewhere, someplace, sometime. I've actually been at 3 parties where police "raided" the house for drinking, and each time I was the only one to pass the breathalizer (spelling?). I've been drug tested a couple of times but came up negative every time. (I never smoke or do drugs).</p>

<p>It even seems to puzzle the cops. How can one 18 year old in a housefull of crazy drunk teens not have consumed a single beer? My parents had doubted me a couple of times too, but the test results are undisputable. So how does one refrain from drinking even though every other person under the same roof is? Well that's the $64,000 question. Let me explain.</p>

<p>"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?" 1 Corinthians 6:19. Freshman year of high school, I was the most unathletic, overweight, slowest, and weakest kid you could possibly imagine. I had a pretty nerdy look going too. It really depressed me, and I always had low self-confidence because of it, especially around girls. One day I saw pictures of the bodybuilding legends like Larry Scott and Arnold Schwarzenneger while surfing the net. From that moment, I knew what I had to do. I decided to start lifting in the school weight room. From that day, everything changed.</p>

<p>Fast forward a few years. I'm a high school senior now in excellent shape. Tripled or possibly even quadrupled my strength since freshman year, lost the fat, and just like to "be cool" in my new self. Underclassmen look up to me in the weight room, and I help them out with sincere interest. So do you see why I cannot possibly do anything to harm my body? I have worked so hard for years to become who I am today, and I will not let alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs to destroy my work. Many have tried to "persuade" me to try, and others have even ridiculed me, but every night I look at the poster of Arnold on my wall, and I know what I have to do. I'll be heading up to West Point to begin basic training in June, and I want to be the best I can possibly be.</p>

<p>So parents, please convince and persuade your kids not to drink or do drugs for their own sake. You have to really convince them. It's not rules and curfews that will prevent these activities. You have to honestly look back into your past and try to remember how much you hated the "rules" too. One must realise the real reason not to do bad things. My story has gotten at least one friend to stop smoking. He used to smoke, but now we bodybuild together. I'm so glad I could make a difference.</p>

<p>On the other hand, I see so many people damaging their bodies with drugs and booze, that it's really sad every time I see this. A lot of girls destroy their beauty with this stuff. After a few years, they just look terrible. Same goes for guys; I see so many work out in the gym while they drink and party at night. Those two activites are completely contradictory and doesn't make sense.</p>

<p>On prom night I don't plan to come home until the next morning, but my parents have nothing to worry about. It's all about self-motivation. That's all.</p>

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<p>"I would not allow a coed sleepover. There are some boundaries that need to be respected."</p>

<p>I know that I'm not a parent, but I highly disagree with that statement. Once again, it all depends on the responsibility of the individuals involved.</p>

<p>"I think it's important for parents to avoid putting kids in a situation that they may not know how to handle -- the age differences make it even more important. A 15 ot 16 year old may not have the skills to say "No" -- there may be more pressure to experiment than the girl feels comfortable handling."</p>

<p>Despite what you see in movies, TV, news, etc. none of the guys I know would ever rape or "force" a girl to engage in sexual activities (even those ones who think they are "badass"). Of course there is unfortunately always the rotten egg every few dozen, which is why you should know who your daughter's date is.</p>

<p>In the end, it's really up to them. Everyone is in control of their own life.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
In the end, it's really up to them. Everyone is in control of their own life.

[/quote]

Actually, until a child reaches the age of 18, they are NOT in control of their own life. Their parents are, to a large extent. Even after 18, if they are financially dependent, they are not totally in control of their own life. That's just reality.</p>

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<p>Ok, my bad. Let me clarify. I meant theres gonna be some point in your life (even before you're 18) that nobody will be looking after you and a decision will be completely left to yourself. At that point you need to be responsible for your actions and their consequences. So what I mean is when there's nobody there to stop you from doing something, the only person that can stop it is yourself. Hence my words "Everyone is in control of their own life."</p>

<p>FYI, I've been financially independent (100%) the moment I've turned 18. (Same for a lot of my friends). My parents won't be paying me a dime for anything. I'm completely fine with this. I don't see the point of leeching off my parents who already have a hard enough time financially. Even from when I was 16, I worked and earned all of my personal expenses. My parents just pretty much just had to let me live in the house and eat the food. lol.</p>

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<p>From sjmom:"Actually, until a child reaches the age of 18, they are NOT in control of their own life. Their parents are, to a large extent. Even after 18, if they are financially dependent, they are not totally in control of their own life. That's just reality."</p>

<p>This is interesting. My freshman (college) son was home this past weekend and talking about past high school friends who were not doing too well---either partied out of college, been arrested for drugs, in rehab facilities or just never got their "act" together. He said "I want to thank you for interfering in my life, forbidding me to hang out with certain people and making me come home when you had doubts. Most of those parents didn't". Gosh....that made it all worthwhile :) !</p>

<p>As to the OP: I did a prom co ed sleepover with my oldest and never did it again. I was exhausted staying up all night, making sure no alcohol would magically appear, no sex occured, no one not invited showed up... I know I put most of that stress on myself and I really didn't have to break anything up, but worriers shouldn't do these things. If I knew the other parents well and knew they would stay up with the kids, I would let my D. spend the night out.</p>

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<p>As a high school Junior, I feel obligated to add my two-cents on this issue. </p>

<p>Maybe this is just my expereience, but COED slumber parties are incredibly fun and safe. Being in a group setting esentially makes it impossible for one person to pressure another person to go past their limit. Although certainly a good amount of cuddling and snuggling occurs, there is something distinctly taboo of going very far in the presence of others.</p>

<p>Then again, maybe this is just my expereince. I am, of course, the one going to prom with my very best gay friend. </p>

<p>I don't see where the misconception that everyone is having sex comes from. It certainly doesn't play out in my group of friends-- and that is not because of relgious or social pressure. It's just not worth the risk of pregnancy or AIDS or anything else.</p>

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<p>SparkShooter, your experiences are the same as my own kids. It's not that sex never happens but it's not a group event. And since most of the kids know the host families they aren't anxious to break any alcohol rules...nobody wants to 'ruin' prom night!! The kids who do want to do those things don't bother going to a sleepover with supervision, they make other plans. In my community there are co-ed sleepovers after many events (proms, closing nights of theater productions, etc.) and there has never been a problem to my knowledge.</p>

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<p>Thanks to all for posting. I agree with the student who indicated that, ahem, advanced activity just is not likely to occur with 16 of your cloests friends in attendance. </p>

<p>My daughter is attending a prom shortly. Kindly parents put on a lovely post-prom event each year. However, the kids just want to continue to be togther, even after this event. This is often a bittersweet experience for them. In the case of my D's school, the students finish their semester and their HS experience prior to prom. This is one of the few weekends they don't have obligations like:
1) A ton of homework with additional work given by an eager teacher,
2) Travel to yet another college...
3) A game or other sports event which would drag them from their beds at an early hour.
4) To worry about their friends as they would all be under one roof. The post-prom party is over at 4 AM or so...hmmm, fatigue is not the predominant feeling one wants as they climb behind the wheel.
5) Not having to coordinate yet another project: These kids are geographically scattered all over and even meeting up the next day at a restaurant would require the skills of Patton.
6) If they all crash (and even healthy, fit teens will slump down on the sofa and sleep) at a parent's home, then all of the parents would know that their kids were safe if there was a policy of a phone call upon arrival. Think of all the parents who could then roll over and actually achieve a REM sleep!
As I have aged a bit, I've actually loosened up. If some students are up to some antics, guess what...they will be up to more antics left on their own. </p>

<p>Someone in a previous post mentioned camping and indicated that was "OK" In the dark, with a visual barrier: this sounds like the are greatest opportuntity for "hankie pankie" as a friend's mom used to say.</p>

<p>Best regards to all.</p>