Proofreader needed

<p>This is my first post, but can someone proofread my common app essay? I feel like it's alright, but I don't know if it's more powerful if I leave off the last paragraph or not.</p>

<p>PM me. I will read it.</p>

<p>I’ll read it. PM me</p>

<p>Anyone else willing?</p>

<p>pm if you will thanks.</p>