<p>One of the pluses for me when I think of Yale is that it's known as the most liberal ivy and sometimes the "gay ivy." But what exactly is the queer life like? More specifically, the dating/relationship/hook-up scene and coming out? Is it very different from most of the other ivies, or is it just an exaggerated stereotype?</p>
<p>Literally everyone at Yale is gay. Literally.</p>
<p>Not “literally,” but Yale is extremely tolerant and it is probably very very easy to date and hook-up, although I can’t speak from experience there.</p>
<p>I can’t speak from personal experience, but both my spouse and I had gay roommates, so I can give some insight. There is some homophobia at Yale, but it’s pretty limited. Open homophobia is considered very declasse. There were a couple of openly gay men in jocky fraternities while I was at Yale, so I think that speaks to the level of acceptance. The vast, vast majority of students could care less if you’re gay. My gay friends feel that Yale wasn’t the real world, but a much cozier, friendlier cocoon. Coming out was a non-issue for them in terms of people on campus. Gay and straight friends will sit around in the dining halls and discuss their love lives, embarassing hook ups, etc. and everyone is comfortable and cool. There are events sponsored by gay campus groups, but people tend to integrate socially–most parties, most social circles, etc. are “mixed”.</p>
<p>The LGBT Co-op dances were huge when I was at Yale. The gay community got a little grouchy because it was their party and straight people were sometimes the majority of people attending because they were so much fun. </p>
<p>In terms of dating, it was the same as for the hets. Some people hook up a lot. Some people were in multi-year relationships. Some people wanted to hook up, didn’t, and were frustrated. Some people wanted to be in a serious relationship, but never found the right person and pined away for that experience.</p>
<p>As a straight person with numerous gay and lesbian friends (some insight, but I haven’t lived it), this article struck me as pretty on point: [Rolling</a> Stone - To Be Gay at Yale](<a href=“http://jaydixit.com/writing/gayatyale.htm]Rolling”>http://jaydixit.com/writing/gayatyale.htm). The chat room stuff was not in existence in my era, so I can’t comment on that, but everything else sounds pretty true.</p>
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Says a future Yalie…</p>
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<p>I thought that was Brown…no?</p>
<p>First of all, LOVED that article. Though I’m kind of curious what counts as a “strictly gay situation.” XD</p>
<p>I’ll just give you my personal impression from a talk with come Co-op members: if you’re a gay male, great! You’re probably set for whatever you want, dating-wise. Queer women, on the other hand… there are supposedly a lot on campus, but they are “not the type who show up to Co-op events,” so you may have to look a bit harder. :P</p>
<p>Thanks for the replies! And some more questions:
Are most people who are “out” at Yale come to campus having already come out?
Or do many who have not told anyone come to campus acting like they’re already out?
Or do most just come out sometime during their years?</p>
<p>Also, are most “out” people out to only the Yale community/their friends or to their family as well? Is it very difficult to only be out to your friends but not your family?</p>
<p>“Do most…? Do many…?” </p>
<p>You’re asking for big generalizations. Like AA said, the whole spectrum exists. Are you an admittee or are you looking to apply? If the former, then know that since the community there has depth, you’ll probably be able to bounce your concerns with others who have or are having to ask the same questions you’re asking. </p>
<p>Best of luck to you</p>
<p>This what I picked up talking to some gay friends I made while on a random visit to Yale:</p>
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<p>No. Most people come out when they’re there. And even more don’t “officially” come out, but hook up anyway.</p>
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<p>This is also a popular option.</p>
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<p>Most of the people who are “out” on campus are not out to their parents/don’t want to be.</p>
<p>I agree in that the entire spectrum exists.</p>
<p>From what I observed, most people came out sophomore or junior year after exploring their feelings safely for the first time freshman year on campus. They finally mustered up the courage to hook up with (that phrase does NOT necessarily imply sex) someone (or a few someones) of the same sex, it confirmed what they knew in their hearts, and then they came out to friends. All of my gay and lesbian friends but one were out to their families, although many times not grandparents. I also had friends who were not out until after college graduation, so there were some people who college was not the right time for it, even at Yale.</p>
<p>I’ll also say that there is a generational difference because homosexuality was not nearly as open in society at large when I was in high school and college and almost no one would have been out in high school, which is clearly no the case today. I’d still wager that most people at Yale come out in college as opposed to having been out in high school. I am very surprised to hear eating food say that people aren’t out to their parents because I’d think parents would be more understanding now than in my day. Perhaps eating food talked to underclassmen. Many of my gay and lesbian friends were out at Yale for 6 months or so, getting comfortable in their new skins, before they told their families. As an aside, NONE of the parents were surprised when they heard the news and many had a “duh” response (but nicer).</p>
<p>… I think I might look at Yale a bit more now… ;)</p>
<p>one in two, maybe you</p>
<p>one in one, no more legacies.</p>
<p>i was gonna apply for transfer next year…now yale’s crossed out of the list.</p>
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<p>Win-win. You don’t have to meet the icky gays, and Yale has one less bigot applying!</p>
<p>BigWeight: you safe at Dartmouth, right? No gays there at all. Only heteros. Ya right.</p>
<p>I’m glad New Haven won’t be on your list. We wouldn’t know what to do without you.</p>
<p>I know that this is a sensitive question, but how would you describe LGBT ethnic minority life? Is it separate from the white LGBT community–do most LGBT people self-segregate; is interracial dating common?</p>
<p>Just an anecdotal note on the not-out-to-parents phenomenon:</p>
<p>My daughter recently graduated from another elite research university similar to Yale in many ways, including LGBT-friendliness. Her close friendship circle includes two men who have been a couple for over three years, and who have been out at college for longer than that. Only one of them is out to his family – and they precipitated it by asking him directly about 18 months ago. The other one is supposedly not out to his family. His parents have only met the boyfriend a couple of time. The men have never lived together.</p>
<p>Now, having met the not-out man’s parents, and seen everyone in social context, I would say there’s about a 0.001% chance the parents don’t know their son is gay. On the gaydarometer, he registers “Who Are You Kidding?” And that’s before you take into account that (a) most of his male friends are similar, and (b) he has never been involved with any of his female friends, and they don’t show any romantic interest in him, despite his very good looks and noticeable wealth.</p>
<p>Both he and his parents are noticeably uncomfortable with one another (although their relationship isn’t otherwise estranged at all). I wished I could knock their heads together and say, “Come on, you have to talk about this sometime! You’ll all feel better when that happens!” But . . . the dynamic is what it is. Time will cure it, I guess.</p>
<p>Woah… lots of questions. I’m very glad this thread is up. </p>
<p>First of all, i’m a rising junior so my take is up-to-date. Most of the comments on this thread are pretty accurate, but campuses change a lot even in a short amount of time, so some of the comments could use some tweaking. </p>
<p>In regard to who’s out and when, it varies. I’m sure there will be a group of out pre-frosh who identify each other on facebook or the admits site even before you get to campus. There might have been a group of 30 or so in my class (2011). Then once you get to campus there will be more out people… some come out early in the first semester, if they haven’t already in high school. You could reasonably expect maybe 6-8 people in your college-year (of ~100). Most of those people will probably be boys. Then there will be some sophomore surprises (and junior and senior surprises, possibly), and there will probably be some people who never come out in college… but you won’t know who! </p>
<p>It is possible to be out at yale and not to your family, but obviously it’s a risky situation. If that will be the case for you, make sure your roommates/people who might meet your parents know what not to tell them. I know someone who has cray-cray fundamentalist parents and is in that situation.
I have to say, i pay more attention to the men’s community (for obvious reasons). We like to say 1 in 4, maybe more… which isn’t <em>actually</em> true. But 1 in 10, or even 1 in 8 is a very reasonable estimate, for boys. Yale is kind of packed w. homos. If you get lucky, there might be even more. The year above mine in my college actually is 1 in 4, for boys. </p>
<p>Ok, now for queer people of color. I’m hardly an authority on the matter, and i hope other people will answer bc it’s a very good question. I find things to be pretty integrated in general… dating, socializing, etc. Sometimes people gravitate toward others of similar backgrounds, which i suppose is to be expected. There is a fair amount of programming, student groups, and academic focus on queer people of color. </p>
<p>More questions?</p>