<p>Joe–keep in mind that Exeter is not the perfect place for everyone. </p>
<p>Many people select other schools over Exeter, trust me. My d was accepted and declined Exeter for Deerfield Academy. (In all honesty, PEA was her safety, DA was her first choice).</p>
<p>Be nice that your sister will not be in your shadow, be happy for her–).</p>
<p>Just a mom’s feeling:-).</p>
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Understand you are trying to make a strong point, but you must be kidding or have been seriously misled.</p>
<p>My thought too D’Andrew; perhaps Alex meant her daughter’s back-up, as she would have gotten the Exeter acceptance first?</p>
<p>Just wondering if any Milton legacy applicant has received a phone call re: waitlist ??? Every time I hear the phone/check messages I cringe…but we are now on the 11th …</p>
<p>Hi Everyone, </p>
<p>Sorry for the late update. I’ve been spending a great deal of time massaging hurt egos and managing expectation.</p>
<p>My daughter applied to only 3 schools. She was waitlisted at L’ville (where she was a double legacy!), denied at Hotchkiss and waitlisted at Deerfield (along with nearly everyone else on CC! Really was ANYONE denied at Deerfield?).</p>
<p>DD wants to stay on the waitlist at Deerfield, as she really did LOVE that school. She will write a sincere letter and return it with her request to remain on the waitlist.</p>
<p>The good news for us is that she has already been accepted to a wonderful Prep school here, where her sister is already a student. So at least we have a good option.</p>
<p>For all of the rest of you - good luck! Neato, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. Your family seems to be the kind that every school would be happy to have as part of their community. I hope that your daughter is moved off one of the waitlists soon!</p>
<p>BTW, I have just canceled reservations at the Deerfield Inn that I had booked in anticipation of revisit days (guess I was a little overconfident!), so if someone wants that room, call quickly!</p>
<p>Thanks for the update. Goodchoices. I’m so glad that you have a good local option. I think it’s really heartbreaking for the kids who don’t- I think we would have probably moved.</p>
<p>classical—yes her backup not safety. </p>
<p>We felt statistically she had a better chance getting into Exeter than Deerfield. Exeter being almost twice the size and my d being a strong applicant was a plus. If she hadnt gotten into DA she might have chosen Exeter. She wanted bs.</p>
<p>But I was just trying to make a point that no school is the end all be all. Kids tend to think it is, but we as adults know that kids can fit into many slots and many places.</p>
<p>I learned yesterday that one of the HADES schools took a legacy kid (entering 9th) from my son’s Southern private school (competitive), who (although class rank is not published) was described to me as “if he ain’t at the bottom, he’s close to it”. Pretty good athlete and dad is an investment banker, no doubt extremely generous to the school. That’s an unfortunate lingering reality for so many of the eminently qualified young people who don’t have those connections.</p>
<p>I can absolutely assure you that if that happened it was because they “made” a place for him. He didn’t take one away from a deserving child. Most schools don’t plan their yields to fill every single available bed.</p>
<p>And if you feel any better, a lot of legacies without big bucks are being turned down every year in droves at each of the schools. And also many students whose parents are wealthy. Stories like that - unqualified candidate getting into a school is an exception these days, not a rule. I know because Adcoms are having to make those calls in advance of M10 to try to salvage the relationship with the alum who is getting the bad news.</p>
<p>A bit of reality, what’s happened in Japan is frightening but putting the radiation aside, the expense I would surely trade in a split second with what is coming our way with respect of our national debt which is anywhere’s from 200 to 400 times more than the cost of the devastation happening in Japan. I mention that just to put it into perspective with what these boarding schools must be anticipating. The schools must be more frugal with their budget and economic forecasts. Just to turn the schools on will cost a lot more than last year. Tuitions have already gone up substantially for next Fall. Yes, the full pay will have the advantage. The schools need the full pay to assist with the financial aid which is still not enough. A lot of their money comes from the generosity of the annual funds. Please understand that the schools are not loosing any academic power by accepting a kid with a silver spoon in his mouth. They are always struggling in obtaining a balance in all aspects. I mention this because I think it is needed to understand the reality and tough times ahead.</p>
<p>Should read “putting the fatalities and radiation aside” otherwise poor similarity.</p>
<p>Goodchoices, sorry you too are in this spot!. I share your sorrow! Don’t give up! Keep your child distracted with community service etc. Make sure your D writes a thoughtful but concise note to DOA indicating how DA remains her #1 choice. Update the DOA with awards, achievements, etc that your D has since that date. Keep your D’s expectations low but encourage her to go back to school with determination to continue that zeal and excellent work! Chances are a few of the faculty will pull for your daughter as well. A little assistance from your school could help as well. Keep up the fight! People do get off the waitlist let’s just hope it is your daughter this time. Good luck and Keep the faith. We are in the same boat. Keep a positive attitude and keep communications lines open. We also have to remember how lucky we are. Pick up the paper today so many stories of sorrow. It is difficult to think about ourselves at a time like this but we are grown ups!.</p>
<p>Bump bump bump!</p>
<p>The DOA at a “hidden gem” my son applied to called my friend, who’s a trustee, earlier in the week with the news – my son, who needs FA (full) is getting a WL letter. (He’s also a legacy via my brother’s wife, but that’s a coincidence, our reason for looking at the school is because of my friend.) It’s a great school, a little off- the- grid, and I think my son would thrive there, the academics are rigorous, it’s got great sports, music, and art, but it’s small enough so he’d have to be accountable, might be the best overall fit for him. The promotional materials they sent us were a little stodgy, and put me off a bit before we visited, but we both really liked the school, the people were genuine, welcoming, and direct, and the campus/curriculum offers everything we could possibly need, without drawing attention to itself. (They’re also working to make the school even better, which I know from my friend who’s very involved as a board member.) </p>
<p>My son is smart, creative, and an original and deep thinker. He’s also musical (plays two instruments, one of which he taught himself) athletic --plays several sports well, one of which he’s participated in on a level most people don’t get to until college. He’s also a leader, articulate and funny – he communicates well both in person and on the page, has what one AO called a “quiet confidence” about him. He’s always been at the top of his class, and although he’s not a big reader, tests well. This year, his grades have fallen to the lowest end of what passes for honors, and he procrastinated – both writing his boarding school essays, and getting his recommendations in – didn’t bother to include any supplemental materials, didn’t study for the SSAT, and took it late. Cavalier, ambivalent, afraid, something is awry, but I’m not sure what it is; historically when this kid sets a goal, there’s no stopping him.</p>
<p>So there are three more schools, it’s unlikely he’s going to get into the two Hades, but there’s another school, that’s easier to get into and I’m hoping they WL or R him, too. (I almost e-mailed his AO, but thought better of it. I’m going to see how it plays out, without getting involved.) This CC thread really struck a chord with me, it’s called “My lesson from Exeter ,” and it speaks to what I think is going on with my son. If he can learn this lesson at age 14, he’ll understand that writing well, and being charming aren’t enough, neither is talent, aptitude, natural ability, you’ve got to do the work, there are no short cuts. ( I wanted the easier, softer way, and I got away with it for longer than was good for me, but it never served me. You can be sure, I’m asking myself, if I’ve passed this attitude on to my son?) </p>
<p>I know this thread is primarily about legacies who are or were rejected when all their stats seem to be in place, but I thought I’d share my experience, as I got the call a few days ago and have been thinking about this situation and looking at it from every angle. I remember when he didn’t get into the elementary school I thought was the perfect fit for him – I learned early on, that it doesn’t always go the way you want it to or think it should – it didn’t seem fair at the time, life isn’t fair, but he ended up at a better place, where he made great friends, and had wonderful teachers. </p>
<p>The DOA at the “hidden gem” told my friend what I already know, they need more evidence that he wants it, he hasn’t proven himself, and although she didn’t bring it up, would you offer a 50K a year education to someone who wasn’t chasing it? I wouldn’t.</p>
<p>@ackmom,</p>
<p>I so feel for you. I’m tutoring students right now who seem very much like your description of your son. They’re bright, full of potential, but when the goal is placed in front of them - especially something as daunting as boarding school or college, some actually fall in performance.</p>
<p>I think a portion of it is fear of success, not fear of failure. Sometimes its just fear of the unknown. So they self-sabotage. And sometimes the best we can do is love them until they heal or find the path on their own.</p>
<p>Sounds like you have a good perspective on the situation. No matter what happens this weekend with your final notifications, good luck to you. He’s lucky to have you as a parent. Sending good karma your way.</p>
<p>@Exie</p>
<p>Thank you for response to this and the thread about “red-shirting,” your posts always resonate with me. You have a balanced, realistic perspective that is not only informed, but sane. In a world where people think higher education is a brand they must acquire, like a Mercedes or the right address, in order to be “successful,” your perspective is reassuring, and most welcome. </p>
<p>Adolescence is a confusing time, these kids are exposed to so much more information than we were, and are under a lot of pressure – it’s the culture, and as long as people buy in, it’s going to continue – I’d rather DS acts out whatever’s going on now, so I can try to help him work through it, rather than shipping him off and having him make a mess of an opportunity he’s not ready for. He’s a 14 year old boy, with no father (to speak of) who’s already seen a lot of the world, now in the process of becoming a man, with only a mother to guide him. He’s still a kid, it’s okay not to have it all figured out.</p>
<p>It’s going to be an interesting weekend.</p>
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<p>gotta ditto that thought, comin’ right back at ya, ackmom!</p>