Question about Parents/College/Choices

Applying to College
1

<p>I'm not sure where to start, so I will do the best I can. I graduated high school in 2011 and have been going to a community college for the past year. My grandparents are paying for my college so that's what makes makes my problem so hard. I don't want to stay in Arizona for college and I know known this since I was a freshman. My grandparents are pushing and pushing for me to go to Northern Arizona University. I just don't want to, they drove me up there to meet with admissions and tour the campus. I know this sounds horrible but I hate it there, its to big and I cannot see myself being happy and successful there. I told my grandparents I did not see NAU as an option for me, of course I was ignored. In a sense I was forced to apply and I was accepted. I know I am not going to be happy but I try to tell them no and it just causes drama and they tell me I would be happy at NAU and I have to go. </p>

<p>I have applied for a few out of state colleges. Colorado State University, I didn't get accepted but that was fine because I knew I probably wouldn't and it is very expensive for out of state students. Oregon State University, ehh not really my place either. Its a nice school but its big and just not a place I want to be. A a really good friend of mine went through the same schooling that I am going through and working for the USFS in Yellowstone and Glacier National Park. She told me about a summer forestry program at Montana State University in Bozeman. I researched it and realized that it was the perfect place for me. I applied for summer and was accepted. Unfortunately due to job requirements this summer (In Yellowstone and Montana) I am unable to attend the summer program at MSU. My grandparents have been opposed to is since the day I brought it up. They are so much opposed to it that I overheard them talking one night about how upset they were with me and how they won't pay for it. I talked to them about what I heard and explained to them why i felt it was a good choice for me. It helped a little but not much. I went to visit MSU in February and absolutely LOVED it. It was small and very student involved. The teachers were great and everybody was so nice and supportive. It really was a great place. I see myself there and I see myself being happy and successful. </p>

<p>Lately I have been thinking that I would like to apply at MSU for the next 4 years. I do need to go back and figure out my options and talk with an advisor and such but it is something I am very serious about. I am planning on going back up to Montana next month to visit the school again and talk with the people I need to. My biggest problem is my grandparents will never understand why I made this choice and I know they won't support it. I know they won't help me financially if I go against there wishes and go out of state. I have thought about it and that's ok, I will get student loans and federal aid if I have to. Its just the sacrifice I have to make if I want to be happy with my education I guess. I was wondering if anyone had any advice on my situation. I am suppose to start at NAU this fall. I will go ahead and go, I have to in a way. I would not be able to transfer to Montana State until the Spring of 2014 anyway. But how do I tell my grandparents about my plans, they are super strict and I know its gonna cause huge problems :(. Montana State is where I want to be and I know it sounds horrible to go against my grandparents and elders but I know I won't be happy with where they want me. Thank you so very much for your help. It means a lot.</p>

2

<p>Let’s park the whole issue of “can’t be happy” at a specific college for the time being, and get right to the important issue, which is money.</p>

<p>A student has a limited amount of loan money available without an adult, usually a parent but in your case a grandparent, both qualifying for the additional loan and co-signing for it…which means the co-signor is equally responsible for repaying the loan, which cannot be discharged even in a bankruptcy.</p>

<p>You need to find out what the actual cost of attendance will be at MSU, because it sounds as if you may face a decision which requires you to pay your own way. This means whatever you can earn and save, plus any merit or financial aid offered by the college, plus your loan amount (double check but I believe the Stafford loans total $5500 for freshmen, then $6500, and $7500 for junior and senior years). </p>

<p>Another important question is your status as dependent/independent. If you are reported as a dependent on your parents or grandparents’ IRS return, then you will need their cooperation to file the required FAFSA reports each year. Otherwise, to become an independent student, you must take specific steps and the college would be a good place to start to get that information.</p>

<p>These issues, combined with out of state tuition, will make the financial side of the decision the most important thing to consider.</p>

<p>If you cannot persuade your grandparents, and they refuse to fund your education at MSU, then you will need to really understand where the money is going to come from.</p>

<p>My advice? Tell your grandparents that you will make a good faith effort at the college of their choice, and see if they will agree to helping you financially - perhaps up to the level they would spend at their pick - should you find after trying it out that you still want to transfer.</p>

<p>Realize that the money you save by graduating debt-free - thanks to your grandparents - means options will be available to you for grad school.</p>

3

<p>I do understand the money situation. My parents would be willing to co-sign for me if I needed to get a loan. I just live with my grandparents right now. Why? Because my family lives in a small mining town where my dad is a mine paramedic. There’s no college there and the closest community college is over 100 miles away. So my parents are still in my life and they are understanding of my plans. They just never saved for my college unfortunately. But I am willing to try out NAU this fall, It is one of my only choices. I do not want to continue here at the community college I am at. It is unorganized and both myself and my family are disappointed with the quality. I know I will want to transfer, its one of those things that you just feel and cannot explain. NAU is not my school and never will be and as much as I hate to say that its the truth. But I will try it out.</p>

4

<p>Well, it sounds like you may have some better options then.</p>

<p>Sometimes it’s how you “frame” the discussion that makes a difference. Think about approaching your grandparents, sitting down and calmly explaining that you understand that they want what they think is best for you , and what their preference is, and because you are so very grateful for their help that you plan to really give it a try and make your best effort to like it. Then explain that if you want them to know that if you nevertheless find that you still want to transfer, you will be disappointed but will try to understand if they decide to withdraw their help.</p>

<p>This may accomplish three things: impress them with your maturity in discussing the subject, show them that you really do appreciate their help, but also demonstrate your determination to make the choice you believe is right for you even if that means losing their financial support.</p>

<p>You may very well wind up at the same point - transferring and facing their lack of support - but there’s a chance that with this approach and time to reflect, they may soften their position.</p>

<p>Meanwhile, I suggest you go to the MSU website and look at the cost of attendance for out of state students, and make sure there are no surprises down the road for you and your parents.</p>

5

<p>“If you are reported as a dependent on your parents or grandparents’ IRS return, then you will need their cooperation to file the required FAFSA reports each year.”</p>

<p>Not true. Dependency for taxes and dependency for financial aid purposes are distinct and unrelated things. It is quite common to be dependent for one but independent for the other. To be independent for financial aid purposes, a student must meet one or more of the requirements in the FAFSA dependency test (24 years old, military veteran, orphan, etc.)</p>

<p>fordcowgirl11 - What advice about all of this has the transfer advisor at your CC been able to give you? Have a chat with that person. Read through the graduation requirements for MSU. If you will need to be there for a full two years in order to complete a degree, it might make more sense for you to take the next year off instead of sinking someone’s money into a year of coursework at ASU. A year off to work and save money will also give you more perspective about where it would be best for you to complete your degree. It will also give your grandparents the chance to see just exactly how serious you are about taking charge of your own future.</p>

<p>Wishing you all the best!</p>