<p>"do you think good looking guys have insecurities like these also about going upto girls?"</p>
<p>Yes. :)</p>
<p>I never talked to girls (as in, flirt) through almost all of high school. But I always noticed these girls looking at me, and lots of girls would say that I was really cute, -BUT- quiet. It would be gossip like, "Yeah he're really cute but he's too quiet." I hated it and I still hate it but then I got a great gf at the end of high school, so whatever. Anyway the moral of the story is if you're geniunely interested in a guy that seems reserved or whatever, don't ever say that he's quiet or he'll just think you're annoying :) I'm pretty sure this goes for girls too.</p>
<p>I can relate to what gnrgurl is trying to say, I consider myself a pretty girl and I've been told by lots of people other than my family. The thing is I am a friendly, accesible person, I tend to smile at anyone who looks at me or something but I still get very little attention from guys and I know I'm pretty so what's wrong with you guys?!? The thing is I believe guys are too insecure, how do you know if a girl is out of your league if you dont even have a conversation with her? Women aren't only attracted to the physical aspect we look at everything as a whole. If a guy came up to me and started talking to me I would give him a lot of credit for having the guts to do so and I would probably give him a chance unless he was dissrespectful. So please don't be shy and talk to a girl even if you think she's too pretty she's probably not gonna judge you.</p>
<p>The thing is, without sounding conceited, I KNOW I am attractive. I just can't ever figure out the stares I get from guys. They just stare at me! But then they don't ever say anything.
</p>
<p>First of all, saying you "KNOW" you're attractive is incredibly conceited without providing any visual proof. I frequent a message board where a great number of girls say they are extremely hot. The moderators and administrators will ask for photos, and you know what? </p>
<p>Even among the girls brave enough to show themselves, the majority are hideously ugly. </p>
<p>Forgive me if I don't instantly believe your self-appraisal.</p>
<p>
<p>One reason could be is that you're completely unattractive to them. There could be others, but this is the most likely one. </p>
<p>Again, does what you're saying make any sense? "Guys think I'm super hot, but not a single one will even talk, let alone hit on me?"</p>
<p>PLEASE! Every single hot girl I know is swamped with attention from the opposite sex. There will be a huge crowd of guys all wanting to speak with her, regardless of how nerdy, ugly, insecure, and cajone-less the general male population around her is. </p>
<p>
[QUOTE=anpeju]
The thing is I am a friendly, accesible person, I tend to smile at anyone who looks at me or something but I still get very little attention from guys and I know I'm pretty so what's wrong with you guys?!?
</p>
<p>I cracked up laughing when I read this. At least gnrgurl had the humility and honesty to realize something might be wrong with her. </p>
<p>Yet, anpeju blames this entirely on the guys, and in Puerto Rico no less! The Ricans I know will hit on an attractive female they see two miles away... with a division of tanks surrounding her.</p>
<p>GracieLegend I dont understand the point of posting a picture. So you can tell me whether I am attractive or not? That was not why I made this thread. This is not a rating site, it is absolutely pointless to point my picture for utter strangers I will never meet. And creepy. Plus, I am not going to remove all anonmity from a message board i frequent. Thanks but not thanks.</p>
<p>But go on an attack me. I just wanted my initial question answered and it has been. You can write whatever makes you happy.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
GracieLegend I dont understand the point of posting a picture. So you can tell me whether I am attractive or not? That was not why I made this thread. This is not a rating site, it is absolutely pointless to point my picture for utter strangers I will never meet.
[/QUOTE]
</p>
<p>Yet, you ask these very same strangers an intimate question about your personal life? I don't get it. What was the point of this thread again? </p>
<p>Was it to receive an honest response about your situation, or was it to read Internet posts stating how hot and awesome you are, and how it's the guys' fault for being insecure dorks?? </p>
<p>You said you wanted the truth, not an "ego boost". You said you're not arrogant in any manner, yet are 100% sure of your stunning beauty. </p>
<p>Yet, you bristle at any questioning of your physical charm, and refuse to offer any proof. You persist in blaming your dating and romantic problems on other people. (Just like the loser guys who can't get a date)</p>
<p>Don't post your picture. Continue believing that you're super hot. Believe all the moronic, congratulatory posts in this thread. </p>
<p>Just don't be suprised when guys continue avoiding you, just like they do now.</p>
<p>Well, here is an example if it helps at all. There is this physically attractive girl in one of my classes, but she has absolutely the worst attitude I've ever seen any girl have. She comes to class late, she is always frowning, she always tries to counter the professor even though she didn't even read the material every time, asks random questions that have nothing to do with the class material, and is just kind of annoying in general. Yes, she is hot, but there is this other hot girl in that class and she has a much better attitude in general than she does. </p>
<p>It is an extreme example, but I would honestly never talk to that girl even though she is physically attractive.</p>
<p>Like I said, there are other explanations, but they're typically a bit more involved and extreme. The most obvious obvious is still being physically unattractive.</p>
<p>if you want an honest and specific answer concerning you, I would suggest one of the following approaches (they're in order of hardest to easiest and most to least traditional):</p>
<p>1) Find someone (i.e., a mentor; a friend probably WILL NOT work because they'd be afraid of losing the friendship) who is willing to be 100% honest with you and get to know them and ask them about yourself. Even ask them what the question you asked us.</p>
<p>2) One way to find out your approachability would be to start applying for on-campus jobs and leadership positions that require being approachable (i.e., RA, Orientation Leader, tutoring, ASB) and then if you get rejected, meet with the head of the selection committee and ask them to explain your rejection</p>
<p>3) PM one of us and be willing to be vulnerable. I am certainly open to helping you as this is not far from my career goals and what I am studying anyway. In addition, I have been mentoring freshmen, student leaders, and various other students here for almost 2 years as well as having done it in high school. It's an open invitation.</p>
<p>GracieLegend so you are saying I'm ugly cause guys from Puerto Rico aren't shy and would come up to any girl who was pretty? I think you have no proof to say all "The Ricans I know will hit on an attractive female they see two miles away" guys from anywhere in the world have insecurities and puertoricans aren't an exception. You are saying that a girl with a good self esteem has to be ugly? does everyone have to be insecure? I doubt an ugly girl would consider herself pretty, just because guys don't come up to you randomly doesn't mean you are ugly. I've had plenty of attention from guys I've just never been in the situation where I'm at a party or something and a random guy comes up and starts talking to me. I'm also not blaming it on the guys, I know it's hard to come up to someone and start talking to them, I'm just saying they should be a little more confident and try it a little more often, a lot of guys do it but a lot won't even try. And about what I said before, I know I'm not perfect there's things I could change about myself, but in general I sincerely know I'm a pretty girl and I also know I am an accesible person and what you are saying is that a girl cannot think she is pretty but I think most girls don't think they are because they have a bad self esteem, and that's giving in on the idea that most teenagers are or have to be insecure.</p>
<p>honestly, gnrgurl? GracieLegend isn't trying to 'rate' you--she's trying to make you realize that you need to take a step back and evaluate yourself before you go and blame others [ie the boys who obviously are too shy to come up to you because obviously YOU aren't doing anything wrong, and obviously YOU are the most desirable person]</p>
<p>You probably are not ugly-looking or even bad-looking. In fact, you're probably pretty moderate. But you also are probably not a stunner. I don't know who you are or what you look like, but...there it is. I know girls who are absolute *****es, but gorgeous, and still have guys hanging on their every word. When you're pretty, people tend to naturally gravitate toward you. They subconsciously favor those that are easier on the eyes. And if you really are as approachable and pretty as you make yourself seem, there is no way people would just stare and then not talk. At the very least, they would say hi.</p>
<p>Makemehappy, i already said in one of my posts that I am not approachable. i don't understand why you're trying to put me down, gracielegend included. I think I am a good looking person and i don't think there's any fault in thinking that about myself. I will repeat, I don't need strangers on a messageboard to tell me whether I am good looking or not. </p>
<p>I never said I don't get attention from guys. I have a lot of guys friends and I do get hit on. By the way many of my girl friends and other very pretty girls in my university do not have guys surrounding them. Who does that in college. People have their own lives and own friend circles. Unless you're at a party or social scenario, no one person will have a multitude of guys hovering around them. </p>
<p>No where in my initial post did I talk about myself... i just wanted a general discussion on what guys think about any pretty girl that they see often. After I got a couple of responses, I then started talking about my experiences. </p>
<p>GracieLegend- I don't think this is an intimiate topic. Some other girls came in and shared their similar experiences with guys who tend to stare. Maybe we are all ugly, but maybe, just maybe we're decent looking.</p>
<p>And by the way Gracielegend, I am glad you gave your own perspective. Maybe they stare at me because I am funny looking. Remember, I made this thread to find possible reasons behind those stares. You gave one reason and I thank you for putting it out there in an honest way.</p>
<p>i think we're all mature people and we can have a discussion without putting others down gracielegend and makemehappy. No reason to attack me since I didn't give either of you any reason. </p>
<p>apumic- thanks for your advice. Really your advice did help a lot because I never realized that I could be closed to people. Thanks for being openminded and helpful as well as everyone else in this discussion. I think we all actually learned a lot. We all have insecurities. I know I do and it is something I know I will have to work on.</p>
<p>Okay, seriously, gnrgurl, chill. No one's trying to put you down. That was the point of my post, to explain that we're not trying to mindlessly insult you, or insult you at all. We're not judging you, or trying to rate you. We're merely providing another perspective, and didn't you say that you wanted honesty? It may well be the fault of insecure men being afraid of your beauty, but what we are pointing out is that it could have another cause as well. If you want honesty, do not get mad at people who bring up a less desirable possibility.</p>
<p>
[quote]
i think we're all mature people and we can have a discussion without putting others down gracielegend and makemehappy. No reason to attack me since I didn't give either of you any reason.
[/quote]
Let's just...look over my post for a moment, shall we? I was talking hypotheticals: again, giving another perspective. Which is...what you just commended GracieLegend for. We're not trying to insult anyone. We're not attacking or even poking fun at you or anyone else.</p>
<p>Personally, I'm most shocked at you and anpeju's responses, as this IS just a forum, and we ARE just giving different answers--less desirable ones, but that's called constructive advice. Please, take a step back and reread our posts with the mind of a third person, and perhaps it will seem less personal.</p>
<p>I hope that you can take my advice with an open mind and consider it as a possible option--perhaps not true, but perhaps true as well--just like the other, more flattering options.</p>
<p>lol at all the girls saying "people say that Im pretty but guys don't approach me"....this basically means you are not pretty...sorry gals</p>
<p>even if a girl is average looking she will be approached by guys, because lets face it, there are lots of desperate guys out there. yea, guys are pretty insecure but they will still take chances, so if you are not getting approached it's your fault not theirs.</p>
<p>I would assume that she is at least pretty moderate looking. Other then that, I think it's pointless to discuss about her looks. She has said over and over that she won't show a picture anyway. So let's rule that aspect of the discussion out and see what other possibilities there are.</p>
<p>The only thing I can think of is something like yadayada said, that you're not very good at knowing when a guy is hitting on you or showing interest. Or perhaps it is more of an attitude issue. You may be happy inside, but what kind of body language are you giving off to other people? I still have this problem. I am usually very content with myself in the inside yet I tend to sometimes slump my shoulders forward when walking and tend not to smile too much. I am working on all of that of course. Those little things can make a difference.</p>
<p>For starters, I'm a guy, not a girl. Hence the reason I commented in this thread. Believe it or not, even ugly guys will come up to and hit on good-looking females before the mediocre or downright ugly ones. It's easier. I say this from a position of personal experience. </p>
<p>There's really nothing more anyone can say to anpeju or gnrgurl. They're convinced that they're beautiful, and that the lack of male attention they receive is the fault of the guys, not themselves. </p>
<p>It's a convenient notion. One doesn't have to change anything.</p>
<p>Their only reason for starting/commenting in this thread was so they could hear nice things about themselves. Their repeated denials and inability to listen to reason belie this fact. </p>
<p>Let them be. They weren't seriously interested in receiving any male attention to begin with.</p>