<p>ChamilitaryMayne, I understand that I should not have interjected my comments into their conversation. I realized that as soon as I said something. I think it's unfair, however, to say I was "listening in" as I was cleaning up in the kitchen while they were eating lunch at the counter. I overheard their conversation because I was there and they were talking in a normal tone of voice.</p>
<p>Ok guys, back to my question. Is a girl who makes out with three guys in one night considered a s<strong><em>? If not, what behavior do you consider s</em></strong>*y?</p>
<p>No, a girl that makes out with three guys in highschool in one night at a party where she was probably drunk isn't considered that. Sex with two guys, yes. Sex with one guy she didn't really know, possibly. Double standard, yes it is. </p>
<p>Now stop worrying and butt out of your kid's (friend's) business.</p>
<p>For goodness sake, chuy, I am not in her business. I am not giving her advice or telling her mom about her daughter's behavior. </p>
<p>I was simply curious as to the opinion of young people about this situation because I was raised a long time ago. I realize things change--but not everything changes--so I was checking with the people who would know. It appears that the double standard lives on.</p>
<p>That came out a little harsher than I intended. Sorry.</p>
<p>And yeah, the double standard is still there. This is probably not "normal" behavior but it isn't extreme either. If she were to make a habit of it she'd get a reputation, but if it didn't go any further than "making out" (which can actually mean vastly different things but that's another conversation) then it wouldn't be an issue.</p>
<p>I've known this girl since middle school and was a little bit , no, a lot shocked when I heard this. As I said before, I realize things have changed. From the sound of it though, this behavior isn't really seen as "no big deal" by a lot of young people and I hope this girl was just having an atypical night. She's always seemed to be very level-headed, but who knows?</p>
<p>Your daughter was right; you are being overly judgmental.</p>
<p>If she'd had sex with three guys in one night, that might be a sign of poor judgment, especially if she didn't know any of them beforehand. But making out, assuming there was no sex involved? Absolutely no big deal. As long as she enjoyed herself, why would it be a sign that she wasn't as level-headed as you thought she was? It falls into the gossip-worthy-but-no-big-deal category, as far as the people I know are concerned.</p>
<p>I realized once I said it that I had made a mistake (because I was not a part of the conversation and shouldn't have said a thing). </p>
<p>You just have to realize that it was very different in my day and I am trying to adjust to the attitudes of today. But . . not everyone is saying what you are saying, Pseudonym. I'm glad to hear your comment, though, because I would hate to see her end up with a bad reputation. She is a really sweet girl and has been a good friend to my daughter through some rough times.</p>
<p>Yes, she did know all three of the boys. They are all friends of hers. That's another thing that's different. We wouldn't have made out with guys who were just friends. Just an observation, not a judgment.</p>
<p>I don't know how old you are, but I can assure you that these things happened in "your day." Trust me, I can find a few parents with stories that make ME blush. </p>
<p>I mean, the 60s and 70s? That era makes my generation look stodgy!</p>
<p>I'm from the late 70s. My community must have been very conservative because I never heard anything about girls making out with multiple guys in one night. No one even talked about having sex, even with her best friend. That's not to say that sex wasn't happening. It was just something that you didn't want anyone to know about.</p>
<p>Ari, I think people just didn't talk about it as much "back in the day". I mean, I know stuff about my mom that is surprising, knowing her today, but I doubt she told very many people that kind of stuff then. I think people tended to keep stuff more to themselves and their close friends, and not let the world know about it (unless they were all hippies, then it was All Goes, but yeah. Most of the people in the 60's/70's weren't actually hippies, no matter what they dressed like.)</p>
<p>That's the difference, really-- it was the discussion of the matter. It was hush-hush then.</p>
<p>Of course, that comes with pluses and minuses. I tend to think that most people pine for the "good old days" without looking past the rose-colored reminisced veneer. Oh well. I suppose I'll do this in 20 years myself.</p>
<p>UCLAri, I don't pine for the"good old days." I think attitudes about sex were very repressed and I think today's attitudes are a lot healthier. I found out years later that my BEST friend and her boyfriend were having sex during the years they dated in high school. She never said a word to me.</p>
<p>I talked to my daughter about the importance of being in a committed relationship with someone (no, not marriage) before engaging in a sexual relationship. I offered to take her to the doctor if she ever felt the need to get contraceptives. This would NEVER have happened in my household as I was growing up. </p>
<p>Making out with multiple guys just seemed loose to me, as there is no relationship involved.</p>
<p>So, please understand I know the world has changed and I am trying to make adjustments. That's why I was asking for your help.</p>
<p>You just have to understand that many people now don't really view kissing/making out as a big deal, and it's especially common when alcohol is involved, as was probably the case with this girl. You don't know that this girl is even engaging in sexual activity, she may still be a virgin for all we know. Even if she's not a virgin, that still doesn't make her slutty. What makes someone "loose" to me is, you know, having sex all over the place, especially when it's irresponsible and unprotected.</p>
<p>Oh, worriedmom, I did not mean to imply that the past were actually the "good old days." I was being facetious. </p>
<p>I just think that people are people, no matter the era. I have a fellow intern here with me who didn't believe that people drank before they turned 21. She was shocked that I'd engage in sexual behavior before marriage, despite my 8 year relationship.</p>
<p>Part of the reason your daughter gave such a snappy response was probably because she and/or the friend that was there with her were probably engaging in very similar behavior and didn't want to be judged.</p>
<p>Sadly, such behavior is very common, even among very respectable and intelligent people. Today's teenagers think there's nothing to life other than partying, getting drunk/using drugs, and making out/having sex all the time. In my opinion, the arguments given are silly ones. Really, how is the sluttiness of having sex really that more than making out? Of course, there are levels of making out (basic kissing to hot body-on-body action), but whenever I hear the words 'make out', I think the latter. And I don't know how hot body-on-body action PLUS placing a ***** into a vagina is that much sluttier than just hot body-on-body action. Then how does oral sex compare?</p>
<p>And how does alcohol figure into this? She's not slutty just because she was drunk? So someone who commits a murder while drunk is less guilty than someone who commits a murder sober? I think if she was that drunk anyway, that more than shows how loose she was.</p>
<p>(I probably think this because I inherited some of my dad's ultra-conservative genes, although on most other issues, I'm ultra-liberal. I just think that if you do any kind of behavior connecting two orifices with more than one person in any given day, you're a little loose.)</p>
<p>this generation? american culture? those assumptions need to stop...people all over the world have been engaging in orgies for centuries and prostitution is one of the oldest careers in history</p>