<p>One of my favorite Sunday pastimes is reading the NY Times. Here's yet another article for us to discuss: <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/16/fashion/sundaystyles/16TOP.html%5B/url%5D">http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/16/fashion/sundaystyles/16TOP.html</a></p>
<p>I have some opinions on this, but will wait for others to respond.</p>
<p>that was really interesting. i'm chinese, and im raised up in a similar fashion, tho definitely not to the extreme strictness of the those 2 daughters. my parents are not bad compared to others. i think for me, alot of the pressure to succeed comes from the knowledge that asians are expected to do well. as in, once i do well, i cant stop and just relax. i have to continuously stay on top.<br>
so what is your opinion on this?</p>
<p>I was raised in a Jewish family in a very similar fashion. My dad's famous expression after I came home with a 98 on a test: "What happened to the other two points?" I think it makes for a very stressful home life. I love my parents dearly, but the best thing that ever happened to me was leaving home for college at age 17. Since then I have strived to live a life of balance and hopefully I am imparting that to my kids. They are both in IB programs with many Asian kids. Some (not all) of the Asian parents will not let their kids have any social life at all and I think that is a real shame. The students take college courses during the summer and online to up their GPA and class rank. We also have heard stories of the parents of these kids petitioning teachers to allow their kids to retake exams where they didn't get As, etc. A little too much emphasis on high achievement and grades IMO.</p>
<p>audiophile, mine wasn't much different. "Dad, I'm number two in my class" So, is there another kid named (our last name ) in that class? </p>
<p>Or my personal favorite-See a luxury car driver-"Son, that's a A student." See a manual laborer waiting for the bus-"Son, that's a B student." See a bum relieving himself behind the bus station-"and Son, that's a C student." </p>
<p>It was harsh, but I survived. I think he thought he was helping. He wasn't. But he didn't know any better. He had zero reference points as he was a dropout.</p>
<p>HA. lets make a thread called "Raise kids the Jewish way".</p>
<p>I am wondering whether the parents do things to build other aspects of their children's character such as compassion, insight, creativity and independence.</p>
<p>Being able to compete well academically is certainly a good strength to have, but it's not the most important thing in the world. It also would be a very sorry world IMO if most of the people were simply highly competitive academic achievers.</p>
<p>audiophile, I have a lot of opinions about this article. My children are in a public school with about a 40% Asian population (primarily Korean). I am not Asian. I will just say that some of the non-Asian families are thinking of removing their children from this school system because of the academic pressure. Many of the families in our district send their children, contrary to this article, to tutors after school daily. Many begin prepping for the sat in the 4 th grade (not a typo, yes, 4th grade). Many non-Asian families see tutors for the SAT, but not usually until the end of tenth, or eleventh grade. My perception is that many do not go to camp, play baseball, hike, play basketball, cheerlead, act in the school play etc, but go to school after school, and then go to more school most, or all summer long. The end result is if another family, with a different idea about raising children is in this district, their children are behind academically for the most part (naturally there are many exceptions). This leads to the child with the childhood, often feeling dumb, frustrated, left out of the AP classes. These are also the students often keeping the football team, drama club, basketball team, wrestling team, waitlifting club, student council, etc. going b/c without members these activities cannot exist. It is very frustrating for families who would like to raise their children differently. For example, the family who sends their kid to camp to learn how to fish, go sailboating, have fun with extreme sports, go-karts, and other fun activities, is not being drilled for the extra 2-3 months on their math facts, and critical reading skills. This puts this kiddo behind those that have not seen much sunlight during the summer months. The parents have the difficult choices to make.....I think that we will see some parents make a choice, and that choice will be to either send their child to a private school, or move.</p>
<p>My brother should read that.
He barely graduated high school- took years to graduate from a 4th tier state school, took 4 tries to pass his sargents exam in the air force- but expects his kids to be Stephen Hawking ( well if Stephen Hawking also was the homecoming king and the editor of the school newspaper)</p>
<p>I understand that we want our kids to have a "better life" than we did, but making them feel like we will only approve of them, if they are #1 , isn't the way to do it.</p>
<p>This is so sad. No child should have to deal with such intense pressure. These are the kids who get into HYPMS, realize it is impossible to get the same grades in high school, and can't cope with it... in extreme cases, this can even result in suicide.</p>
<p>I'm only a senior in hs, but i can say i'm very happy with the way my parents raised me. When I was younger, they gave me that gentle push... "always do your best"... and ever since, i've been self-motivated. I read all the time when i was younger because I loved to, not because my parents forced me to. My mom always says, "I would be happy even if you decided to go to xxxx College (local college), as long as you're happy." I'll be applying to Harvard EA.</p>
<p>Case in point: My soccer coach had a brother with 1550 SAT's, went to an Ivy league, just graduated from law school. He seems pretty happy. My coach, on the other hand, never broke 1000 on his SAT's. His parents put him in an SAT class, but he sneaked out and played soccer instead. He is now a gym teacher and a soccer coach who is married with kids, and he couldn't be happier. He is doing what he wanted to do, while his brother did what he wanted to do. Each is successful in his own way.</p>
<p>I'm a senior in high school, and I wouldn't have had my (FIlipino) parents raise me any other way than the way they did. They taught me to read, write and do math before kindergarten - and that has fostered a love of learning that carries me through school. It didn't take strict regimentation to get me to succeed. It wasn't "You HAVE to be #1," but "Why not be #1?" I had the smarts to be the best in my class, why not work hard? There were no restrictions on TV, I was in 3 sports a year, constantly with friends on the weekends.</p>
<p>The only blip was 4th grade, when my mom got insane because I had a B in Social Studies (specifically, US History and geography)...she forced me to study every night until I got it to an A. I don't regret her doing it though.</p>
<p>But mostly I was on the incentive system. From 3rd-6th grade, the deal was $1 for every A on a quiz/test/project, and $20 for a perfect report card. Now, it's $40 for a perfect report card (but the quiz/test/project reward was cut). It's worked with almost perfect success. I had straight A's from 4th-11th grade (one B, 4th quarter of last year, and that was AP Art Studio).</p>
<p>I probably would have resented being raised like the Kims, but they think it worked for them. They seemed to have turned out fine. To each his (or her) own.</p>
<p>I think it is a good idea that people who are raising children, think about what they are doing, I think there are many good paths to take, all of them involve some decent adult involved in a child's life.</p>
<p>I wish my parents pushed me more. Neither of them graduated from college, and when I came home with straight C's on my report card, it was absolutely fine. When I finally got my act together in my sophomore year and got my first 4.0, they were actually shocked but pleasently suprised. I can't blame my parents for my lack of studies, but if they had punished me for my poor grades, or set more limits on my social life, I feel like I would have been more focused on getting that 4.0 a long time ago.</p>
<p>i am an asian and I had the most unique educational oppertunity. Our (residential) highschool probably believed that too much workload will only harm the students. During our 11th and 12th grade we didnot get a single homework to do. We studied because we wanted to and not because we had some problem set due next week. And we had fantastic teachers who could get students studying without giving them ANY workload. They just kept us interested in the subject by various means. And it worked. Many of us got into prestigious LACs on scholarship, which is really hard thing to do.</p>
<p>blythe, Good for you! I think the key is to strike a healthy balance between work and play.</p>
<p>prashant, that sounds interesting. Was this a public or private school?</p>
<p>kind of semi-private. Govt partially funded it but a private board of trustees managed it.</p>
<p>All this pressure reminds me of David Elkind's book, the Hurried Child.
I think parental involvement is important. Using local library, exposing a child to the book behind the movie, watching interesting TV and reading oneself, taking child outside to play sports together or support their teams, helping drive them to gather material for a project, exposing them to theatre, etc.
My community was so far less pressured than NE. I know some kids who took SAT courses and hired professionals to package them, but many were like my S, just going along, pursuing their passions.
I never worried that S was studying too much, but now that he is in college, I'm concerned. Most of S's friends went to state U, full scholarships, and probably will remain in top 5% and have fun all the way through.
I think kids can learn and do not need to study to exclusion of social and athletic life. I wonder if these Asian kids of 2nd generation, will be far more flexible with their children?</p>
<p>I have a thing against using money as an incentive but I guess it could work for some people. </p>
<p>I actually immigrated from Hong Kong eight years ago. Culture shock is an understatement. My education in Hong Kong was restrictive, demanding, competitive (i remember staying up until 2 am in second grade with my mother by my side helping me), and simply put, only the strong will survive. Everything is based on competition. Period. Then I came into a CA suburban town where teachers focus on self-expression, creativity, etc. My mother (she never went to college) lacked the english skills to help me with school. I was on my own since fourth grade; I don't remember ever asking for help in my schoolwork at home. But I was able to explore my creativity side. I value the balance between American culture and Chinese culture that I was able to experience.</p>
<p>I am not expectionally smarter than anyone but my mother always tells me that if I am not as smart as so-and-so, it just means I have to try ten times harder. If so-and-so can aced the test studying for an hour, it means I have to study for ten hours. It is an extreme example but that's what I have been taught since I was little. Of course, I also have similar stories about 98% and "what not 100%". There will always be people better than me; I just have to work harder. Yes, there are times, I feel frustrated that I can't make my mom understand how my ECs (i.e. Mock Trial, dance, etc) are more important to me that staring at a SAT book and hope osmosis will happen, but I will probably be stuck in the lower middle spectrum of students if I never pushed myself to work harder.</p>
<p>I think the most important thing that a parent can teach a child that in the end the child is in charge of his/her life. They can skip school but they are the ones to suffer the consequences. In the end, the student needs to know to push him/herself without coaxing from other people. Afterall, mommy won't be there to yank you out of bed to go to school.Different methods work for different kids. Some can work without any pushing from parents. Some practically need to be drag to school. Most are somewhere in between. But for all, the importance of education and making use of all possible opportunities is needed for a driven individual.</p>
<p>I think there should be a balance between the two. Not always studying and not always goofing off. Sorry to be stereotypical, but many Asian parents are doing this. Their kids play a sport(usually tennis), play an instrument(usually violin or piano), are good in art, get good grades, and are in the top classes. I have seen many kids so this. Sometimes it get so annoying/jealous. Why do they have to be like perfect?</p>
<p>^^Because, and I'm sorry to generalize as well, their parents believe that if you live to such high standards when you're younger, life will be easier in the long run. In some ways, it's true...hard work now does pay off in the end, but at some point you have to wonder if it's worth the stress the child will experience.</p>
<p>Well, it is true to some extent. You don't usually see people who slacked off in middle school (under the excuse that college doesn't look at middle school grades) suddenly transformed into a hard-working student in high school.</p>
<p>Humans are creatures of habits. A good childhood foundation comes in handy later on. And you learn to deal with the stress (either slam the bathroom door and just cry, hit a punching bag, or run a mile, etc.)</p>