Sorry if this is the wrong category, but I thought it was the closest I could find!
So I just got a message from a childhood friend… we were close when we were younger, but he moved away several years ago. We reconnected online a few years back, and have only talked randomly a few times since.
And then, suddenly, this:
“Hey! Where ya going to college?”
Not even a “how are you?” or “it’s been a while!”
Am I right to feel a bit puzzled–and annoyed? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing?
To be honest… I kinda feel like all he really wants is literally what he asked: to know where I’m going to college. Not really to talk to me or catch up.
I’m considering just ignoring him… every once in a while I do experience technology glitches, and my messages don’t get sent or I don’t receive something, so I guess that could be my excuse if he ever brings it up. I happen to be taking a gap year, but even if I wasn’t, is this wrong of me to do? Am I being a bad, petty person?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated… thank you!
I’d really pointedly ignore the question, talk a bit about your life since you last talked, and ask him about his life (probably not about his college, as that will just bring it up again).
Ex. “Long time no see! It’s been a really fun summer for me, we went to Niagara Falls and Europe. I took lots and lots of pictures. Most of them not so good, but oh well haha. It was nice to have a break after the craziness that was senior year. Did I tell you about the ridiculous competition that went on for the spot of valedictorian? I was pretty glad I was a couple spots behind, because there was catfights and backstabbing galore.” …and so on. Ramble about the stuff you’d tell him anyway and ask questions about the things he’s done.
It’s entirely possible that he was struggling for another way to open the conversation. Or that someone made a new friend at school who sounded exactly like you, and he’s trying to figure out whether it could have been you.
Is there a reason you don’t want to simply answer the question, and then reply with “And where are you going?” It’s not like knowing which school you’re attending gives him any sort of advantage in any way.
If it really bothers you for some reason, why not respond with “why do you ask?”
How about simply responding “I’m taking a gap year. How about you?” Whether and how he responds will tell you whether he wants to have an ongoing relationship or was simply curious. Either way you have nothing to hide. Lots of people choose to take gap years.
There’s a friend I lost contact with that I’d be happy about if he texted that question (except he never would because a) he doesn’t care and b) he already knows where I’m going to college.) It seems like a fine question, just answer it and ask him something.
I don’t know, to me it just sounds like he was searching for a topic to bring up to reconnect with you. I think it’s a fair question. I don’t think he was being malicious at all. Why not just answer it?
If he replies back “oh cool I go to Harvard ever heard of it?” then yeah he’s a jerk and you have permission to ignore him from now on. Otherwise, I think he’s just trying to reconnect and be friendly.
I have the impression that “hey” has become a shortened version of “how are you” in some contexts. You are not being petty IMO, but I 'd just say, “taking a gap year, where are you going?”