<p>
[quote]
To change is to risk something, making us feel insecure. Not to change is a bigger risk, though we seldom feel that way. There is no choice but to change. People, however, cannot be motivated to change from the outside. All our motivation comes from within.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Assignment: What motivates people to change? Plan and write an essay...</p>
<p>Click</a> here for my essay.</p>
<p>Come on, someone read it! It's not that bad!</p>
<p>COME ON SOMEONE EFFlNG RATE MY ESSAY ALREADY!</p>
<p>Nice essay, 9 out of 12.
You should chill, not everyone spends their afternoon on CC lol</p>
<p>This is a weak 8.</p>
<p>I'd give it a decent 8.</p>
<p>Wow... 2 pages? 12/12. No problem.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Wow... 2 pages? 12/12. No problem.
[/quote]
You can't be serious.
My essay was a full two pages and I got a 10.
lol.</p>
<p>Serious...you must have low expectations.</p>
<p>And can someone tell me how I can do better?</p>
<p>9/10, like I said in my last post you've got to be a bit more assertive in your thesis statement. It has to be VERY CLEAR, what your point is don't QUALIFY which you did "Although a person's genetics...". Also, don't use rhetorical questions they're really annoying unless you know how to effectively use them. Third, the conclusion was weak I've got no idea why you are talking about toddlers which you didn't mention at all in the body paragraphs. When you write a conclusion, add another SIMILAR IDEA maybe talk a little about nature v. nurture debate so it gives the reader something to think about.</p>
<p>GAH! CC is so confusing! On my previous essay, people told me I shouldn't re-mention what I'd already states in my previous examples ... now I should... :/ </p>
<p>Well, thanks for the comment about the rhetorical questions. Maybe I shouldn't use them so often.</p>
<p>It's not that CC is confusing, you are just getting advice from different people.</p>
<p>it's not what examples you use that matter, its how you use them. you could write jus 1 pg and get a 12 or 5 pgs and get a 2..i'd rate your essay as a 10, good vocab and sentence structure [flow] but like you know how u said it may be concluded, why don't you say in conclusion. i think your example was good. it doesn't matter if you use 1 or 2..examples as long as its concise and answers the question. and i disagree with other people, don't re-state your examples, just broaden them further, repetition can cost u alot. other wise the essay was indeed well written, so i'd rate it as a 10.</p>
<p>I'd give it around a 10. Your vocabulary is good and I didn't notice any grammatical errors. However, I, too, am not a big fan of rhetorical questions. I feel like they reduce the professionalism of an essay and just sort of add a dose of informality that usually isn't necessary. Also, in your conclusion, you definitely need to summarize your examples.</p>
<p>OK. Thanks for the tips! :) </p>
<p>I'll try to keep this in mind the next time I write an essay... not rhetorical questions and better conclusion.</p>
