Rate my SAT essay please!

Test Preparation
1

<p>Topic:
Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?</p>

<p>What is privacy in our world today? Is it simply being alone? Through the use of modern social networking and online documentation, privacy's definition has been reworked, rewritten, and revamped to accomodate time. Privacy today doesn't just include keeping private matters to oneself, but also public ones too. In our modern world, any little puzzle piece of info can lead to the completed picture of disaster. People should make more of an effort to keep some things private, in order to ensure their well-being.</p>

<p>North Korea's prison camps are unfair and inhumane to their hostages. Any one step misplaced could lead to a quick and emotionless execution. Shin-Dong Hyuk, the only person known to escape one of the brutal concentration camps, recalled accidentally slipping a piece of information regarding him plotted escape to a guard. It resulted in the disastrous execution of his entire family, and so he still mourns today. Had he kept his matters only slightly more private would he still be able to see the faces of his loving family again.</p>

<p>Facebook, the popular social networking site that billions of people visit daily, also offers valuable information. Teens from across the globe are tracked daily with the simple descriptions and statuses that they leak. With the basic name, birth and location of residence, e-criminals can easily turn the information commonly found on most profiles into a gigantic case of identity theft. Keeping the "little" pieces of the information puzzle safe can lead to a major hindrance to the spread of internet crime.</p>

<p>After millions of deaths in concentration camps and hundreds of thousands of cases of identity theft online, many ideas seem to pop out. The one that does the most, however, is the piece of the puzzle yelling "Privacy!" For today, too many unjust incidences are caused by the leakage of personal information. Hopefully, society never has to finish the puzzle of doom with the one safely kept piece of privacy.</p>

2

<ol>
<li>Well written, but somewhat simplified and short.</li>
</ol>

3

<p>Thanks! Any way I could really make it better besides those?</p>

4

<p>You could make it better definitely by having transitions in your topic sentences. They just kind of throw information in the reader’s face rather than allowing the whole thing to flow.</p>

5

<p>Oh right. I completely forgot :P</p>

6

<p>It’s pretty good. I like your conclusion. I would say at least a 9. I would add some transitions to flow more.</p>

7

<p>It was a bit jumpy. You went from North Korea to Facebook without any sort of transition. You might want to see if you can get it to flow a bit more.</p>

<p>I did like your points though. Just make sure it all strings together.</p>

<p>Also, a third point would be nice. Graders dig the 5 paragraph format.</p>

8

<p>I’ve never written an essay with a “5-paragraph” format for the SAT and I’ve gotten an 11 and a 12…</p>

<p>I think scoring well mostly has to do with being crafty and concise—writing adroit examples both succinctly and lucidly.</p>