<p>Before posting this question, I already know many of the responses -- your child needs to self-advocate, colleges don't speak to parents, as adults these decisions are their own. Okay...now I feel better (and hopefully some of my CC friends are chuckling) so I'll pose my question -- has anyone ever reached out to speak with their child's college advisor directly? I just learned that complete burnout coupled with the fact that he's apparently "lost" his creative juices for writing and music is why he tried to withdraw this week.</p>
<p>His class roster for next semester had included a course he was waiting to take but learned from his department that it does not meet the criteria for an advanced class even though it's a 400-level class and appears under his major. So he is facing four classes that he does not want to take.</p>
<p>Maybe it's just me, but my college experience from the "dark ages" gave me rich learning opportunities. Sure there were the requirements, but he has fulfilled them and now it's supposed to be "okay...time to get excited" because you're finally able to take the "sexy" classes.</p>
<p>My son will not "challenge" anyone and surely not his advisor to tell her what's happening with him and that he wants to (no...<em>needs to</em>) take this class. And after almost three years of general education classes, he's fried. I would be too. </p>
<p>So...would it be completely unheard of for a parent to reach out to an advisor and explain what's happening? The alternative appears to be that my son will be withdrawing from college and, as was discussed with him last night, has no interest in returning. Might be the right path for some, however this is an honor roll student who is extremely talented and typically thrives in an academic setting. And yes, I already know that his college is not the right fit for him but he'll likely not choose to transfer (which he did once already with a change in major) but rather toss college away. Any thoughts greatly appreciated and sorry for the long post.</p>
<p>This is a student who is burned-out and nearly withdrew. Yes, you can speak with the advisor. You would speak with your child’s physician if it were a physical issue, wouldn’t you?</p>
<p>Pick up the phone. Ask what you can do to best support your child’s continued progress. And when there is an opportunity, ask about the particular class. Frankly, who cares if it doesn’t apply to the major. Can’t he just take it as an elective?</p>
<p>Advisors at most schools are not allowed to discuss students with parents. You can call, but the advisor will likley not be allowed to discuss the student. We have to sign something every semester and take an online quiz with situations similar to what you are proposing-- If a parent calls to ask about a student what do you do? Answer: Say you are not allowed to discuss a student with the parent and suggest thay talk to the student. Answer to every question is do not discuss anything about a student with anyone (almost). Not saying I agree or disagree-- but that’s how it is</p>
<p>I would suggest sending an email to the advisor instead-- That way the advisor will hear your concerns and not be put on the spot on the phone with you expecting a conversation. If it were me receiving the email, I would then talk to your DS without mentioning what prompted the meeting. As an advisor I can always get in touch with a student “just to check on how the semester is going”</p>
<p>If he can take the class he is excited about as an elective that might be something the advisor suggests-- although with some majors it might also extend the number of semesters it takes to finish when electives are added.</p>
<p>If your son is dreading EVERY class in his major, I’d question whether or not the major itself is right for him.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t reach out to the advisor without your son’s explicit permission and like others have said, the advisor is unlikely to be able to share much of anything with you.</p>
<p>I’ve only done it once, and it was an e-mail with, “just wanted you to be aware”-type sentiments. I’m not sure it’s a good idea to go in thinking that you can fix this or get any personal information, but I do think it’s appropriate in extreme circumstances to inform their advisor of things they may not be aware of. (And I did not ask my kid first. Tough call, but it’s what I went with.)</p>
<p>OP, do you think your son would have a problem with you speaking to his advisor? You could present it as you making a second request for him getting the desired class. If he agrees, then you could ask him to e-mail the advisor with his consent to the conversation. Seems like there is a lot at stake in this situation, but perhaps the withdrawal is what your son deems desirable right now.</p>
<p>When my D1 became very ill at the end of her freshman year and it seemed she wouldn’t be medically cleared to return the following fall, I did speak to her advisor - with her permission - and the advisor saw nothing untoward about it.</p>
<p>Your son may need to sign a waiver that allows university staff to talk to you. I know a family who found that out the hard way. The advisor and professor wanted to call the parents to talk about the son who had suddenly “hit the wall” but legally could not. Finally, the son admitted to his parents he was having trouble and they were all able to meet to resolve the issue.</p>
<p>Ferpa doesn’t preclude any contact at all, especially when there is an issue. But, the bigger question is- discuss with the advisor or with a dean of students? The latter often has a larger view, is skilled in student/college issues.</p>
<p>Thank you for all your responses and perspectives. Yes, it’s a tough call and I did broach the subject with him today as something simply to consider. I’ve long felt (and still do) that just because a child turns 18 or 21 does not magically mean they suddenly wake up with the skills needed to navigate through college (or life). I’m all for allowing them to struggle, make mistakes, and even fail but I think that we/parents know our kids best and if we make an error in judgment with their best interests at heart, well…it will give them something else to tell their therapist when they’re 30. Again…thank you all.</p>
<p>Are you located geographically near to the college? If so, I would suggest asking the advisor to schedule a joint in-person meeting with the advisor including both you and your son. I suggest this because this sounds like a very serious situation involving a possible withdrawal. </p>
<p>When we had a serious situation involving my then-sophomore son last spring, my husband traveled to the college and contacted the advisor via email and scheduled a joint meeting with all of them. The advisor was very helpful, and was very receptive to parent involvement. She advocated for my son with one of his professors. Afterwards she sent a nice email to my husband thanking him for stepping in to help. </p>
<p>My son seems to be doing much better this semester, perhaps due to taking anti-depressants, and taking a lighter course load than usual. Is a lighter course load something that your son might be receptive to, even if it is less than full-time? And using the extra time to do something that he particularly enjoys? If all of you can accept that he will require additional time to graduate, his schedule could probably be set up so that he would be happier. </p>