Read/Discuss

<p>Hi, I just need everyone's opinions on this essay...</p>

<p>Prompt: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>

<p>As a born and brought up citizen of the US, I never had to experience the same difficulties that my parents did in India. However, I remember growing up in a world full of racism, dirty apartments and clouded judgments of whether we should just move back. </p>

<p>Life for me started out pretty fair, yet there were some setbacks. We had a modest size apartment yet it was filled with dirt, cockroaches and flies; in fact, every apartment in that complex was the exact same. The area where we lived was a community for fresh of the boat Indians who were new to the country, working two-three jobs, and had little to no money. I can recall how we called one area of the apartment the living room, family room, and prayer area. However, eventually my parents worked hard enough to get us into a better home, better community, and a better standard of living. Even to this day, after living the way we did for several years, my parents have shaped the way I see my dreams. </p>

<p>To me, I want to give back to my parents as they did for me all these years. I still remember how despite the financially tough situation we were in during my early years, my parents celebrated each and every birthday of mine ranging from clowns to apple picking to my sweet sixteen in New York City. My parents showed me that with hard work and a strive, any one could succeed. Because of them, I want to rise above and contribute to my community, both here in the US, and back in India. Despite their tough working hours, both my parents found time to dedicate their lives to our religious community and their habits soon became mine. I started volunteering at a very young age at the Jain Center of New Jersey, which eventually expanded and became the largest religious group on the East Coast. They showed me the importance of helping others, and to this day my aspirations and dreams include impacting the world differently. Already, I believe I have changed the lives of many underprivileged children in India whom have no means to educate themselves. For these children, education is an opportunity that they will never let go to waste. For them, I have donated thousands of educational supplies and books from local libraries in my hometown, so that one-day, these children have the same opportunities that everyone else is entitled to. </p>

<p>Looking back, I realize now that their struggles, triumphs and accomplishments were all leading up to one thing; a better life for their children. Similarly, I want to do the same. When I dream, I think about changing the world for immigrant children, helping my local religious community and becoming successful so that I can give back to my parents after all these years.</p>

<p>Hey there! A little bit of advice… Your essay focuses a lot on your parents and what they did but you only talk a little bit about yourself. Focus more on who you are as a person and what you value. And try and avoid clichés, like “They showed me the importance of helping others, and to this day my aspirations and dreams include impacting the world differently.” I am positive adcoms have read this a million times so this statement will do nothing for you. Best of luck!</p>