Read my common app essay please?

[jaw117]

<p>I wrote a new version of my common app essay. Please read it and give an honest critique if you can. </p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

[LaLaLa12345]

<p>Sure I can if you still need help</p>

[tanveer149]

<p>i will read it</p>

[hanyoungc]

<p>i will read it</p>