Read My Common App Essay?

<p>Hi :)
I've just finished writing my first draft of the Common App essay. Would anyone please be an angel and give me some advice after reading it? I would be very grateful!</p>

<p>Thank you!! Thank you!! Thank you!! :)</p>

<p>ps. I chose essay option #5: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.</p>

<p>If you want, I can do my best : )</p>