<p>What's your point?</p>
<p>would that fit with that definition?</p>
<p>I read the first line then skimmed the essay to get the feel of it. I decided not to read it...(sorry I do this for a lot of essays, even the ones in "100 successsful essays"...I could never become an adcom officer!)</p>
<p>btw I don't hear a distinctive, personal voice here.</p>
<p>one thing -- never talk about life in your essays. I mean right now we havnt experienced anything about life, thats yet to come. Dont say things like: "we never know what life can through at us" -->please your 17. This is general for everyone, oh and that quote is just an example, I kno u didnt say that. Think about it though, how much could a 16-17 year old know about life?? Also, the opposite, death shouldnt be talked about. Dont make your adcoms want to feel self pity for you.</p>
<p>i didn't read the other responses fo forgive me if i'm repeating anything.
i think that that could be a good experience to write about, but i felt like it was a bit to self-righteous and in your face. i think you should try to find a way to write about the experience without flat out stating your wonderful qualitities and how you were able to make such a great impact on the lives of others and what not. sorry if this is completely useless.</p>
<p>yeah...i know my essay's vague. the thing is, i was going to explain my experience with a specific swimmer, but that would have taken at least an extra 50 words and i just didn't know what i should cut from my orignial (the one i posted) essay.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Empathy -- the capacity to put yourself in another's place; requires the cultivation and use of listening skills
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I think it was the circumstances surrounding the word that gave it the inapt look. See; "in empathy I did that bla bla - I felt sorry for them and dit that bla bla". I understand you're point with this post though, but once again - you have to regard in which context you are using a word instead of just focusing in on its definition.</p>
<p>Yeah, I agree with Corporatefinance.</p>
<p>death speaks for itself... and on the other hand, i don't think any of us experienced and found the meaning of life yet. </p>
<p>remember a word sometimes means one thing when put to a sentence and changes meaning when on another. don't try to impress upon the adcoms that you know your SAT words by heart.</p>
<p>The first essay, despite its solid structure, has a content which basically pats yourself on the back. Not doubting your empathy etc., but to me, it sounds superficial and prosaic. Needs complete overhauling.</p>
<p>For both essays the problem is that they didn't follow the old adage of "show, not tell". that's all.</p>
<p>excel - It would be nice if you could show your leadership with actions rather than with a declaration. Humility is in order here.</p>