Read my essay please?

Hi everyone. Can someone please read my essay for St. John’s Pharmacy? The prompt for the essay is
an essay of 250 words explaining why you are interested in pursuing a career in pharmacy and why you are applying to St. John’s University.
St John’s pharmacy is my dream school and I feel like I will be rejected because my essay is bad but I do not know how to improve it further. I have proofread my essay many times already and I was wondering if someone experienced could give me feedback on it plz

bump

bumpppp

Where is it?

It’s a bad idea to post essays on the forum. If someone is willing to read it, can you please private message me ?

^^ don’t trust this person