Read my essay?

Colleges & Universities A-Z University of Pennsylvania
1

<p>Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?</p>

<p>Honestly, I’m still not certain what career I want to pursue. I do know, however, that my strengths lie in math and science, which is why I am applying to the School of Arts and Sciences. I believe the University of Pennsylvania can provide me with the tools to explore my interests and choose a career path.
There are many opportunities available at Penn which I can see myself taking advantage of. Physics is a subject which has always interested me, and I hope to major in it in college. The curriculum for undergraduate physics majors is appealing. String Theory, for example, is a field which fascinates me. Within the physics major, I can see myself exploring the “Concentration in Physical Theory and Experimental Technique” at Penn, as its basis lies in physics and math and gives students the opportunity to do research. Having previously done math and science research, I hope to participate in research in college with Penn’s great professors, including Eli Burstein and Marija Drndic. There is also a strong Jewish Studies Program at Penn, as well as myriads of liberal arts courses I am eager to take. At Penn, I can see myself gaining a strong math, science, and liberal arts foundation.
Penn offers a great deal of internship and international study options which I would surely take advantage of. There are myriads of benefits in studying abroad: seeing the world, learning a language, developing skills, and gaining experiences a classroom setting just can’t provide. A student at Penn told she loved studying abroad, and it was one of the best experiences she has ever had. I too would love to spend a summer or semester studying at, say, James Cook University in Australia, or at the University of Cape Town in South Africa. As for internships, the College of Arts and Sciences offers programs which I would love to be considered for. Penn Undergraduate Environmental Health Scholars Program would give me the opportunity to work with Penn investigators on environmental projects and conduct independent research.</p>

2

<p>Oh yea, this isn’t the whole thing, but just so far…Please tell me what sucks and what should be changed</p>

3

<p>If you are writing about how much you like math and science and especially physics the admin officer will think you should be applying for engineering, etc not to the college of arts and sciences. Also please get someone to help with the grammar. I don’t want to be mean but there are a lot of grammar errors and even one or two can disqualify you.</p>

<p>Good luck - also it is very, very long as it is right now.</p>

4

<p>The sentence with Penn’s Jewish Studies Program sounds amiss/out of place. Elaborate on it, maybe?</p>

5

<p>Er. On the supplement page, it says a typical essay is about 500 words long. That is currently 340 words. I don’t see how that’s “very, very long.”</p>

<p>My 2c: it doesn’t seem focused. You seem to discuss a lot of things (breadth) but not put a lot of material (depth) into them. Try picking just one or two things and elaborating on them completely.</p>

6

<p>Too general in my opinion. You throw around a lot of names and things but I don’t there is enough depth. “done math and science research”…yeah. Your essay is much too general, and lacking focus.</p>

<p>Good luck! You still have 52 minutes left.</p>

7

<p>^hahahahaha</p>