<p>Please fill free to give any comments you wish. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!</p>
<p>Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>
<p>It was 6 am when I walked on to the dewy field of the high school. The buzz of people, volunteers, parents, and competitors alike, all announced that the Special Olympics were already in full swing. After fastening my royal blue volunteer ribbon to my breast pocket I began making my way around the track in search of the sign that read Inarajan Elementary School and although I didnt know it yet, I was making my way towards a wide-eyed 10 year old named Bridgette who would ultimately change my outlook on the world.
As I walked up to the tent a little girl, no more than 4 feet tall with pigtails flailing about her small face, ran up to me and introduced herself. My name is Bridgette and youre going to be my best friend. It wasnt a question. This girl, so self-assertive, had proclaimed me her best friend within the first 20 seconds of our meeting.
As time rolled on I learned from Bridgettes mother Ellen that she had been diagnosed autistic at a young age, something which had seriously dampened her social interactions with children her own age. At 10, Bridgette didnt know she was different; she didnt know why she didnt interact with her peers the same way. All she knew was that she didnt fit in like everyone else. This was her favorite day out of the year. It was the one day that she was treated like everyone else around her and in her words it was the day she was treated like a star. Spending 10 hours straight following Bridgette around, bending over backwards to make her smile, opened my eyes to how simple things such as face painting and snow cones can produce such earnest expression of wonderment and pleasure on a childs face.
This was the first time I had ever worked with anyone with a disability let alone a child who barely understood what autism was. Spending that day with Bridgette, watching her perform her long jumps and run her relays, showed me what it meant to be human. There are many people who view life itself as a competition, a cutthroat endeavor where your only goal is to make sure that you reach the finish line and achieve a prize at the end. I must admit that I myself believed that at one point. I thought that it was my goal to look out for only those who mattered to me, that anyone else just wasnt my concern. Being apart of Bridgettes journey that day, as she herself crossed her own finish lines and earned her own medals, had a deep-seated impact on me. There was nothing like seeing a smile develop on her face, and knowing that I helped give life to it. Seeing Bridgettes face light up at even the most rudimentary gestures was proof that I didnt need to cure cancer or end world hunger to make a difference. Change begins with the small things and in my case the change to want to improve the world around me began with a 10 year old girl from Guam named Bridgette Matagolai. It was because of Bridgette that I realized that its not only my job to make it to that finish line; its my job to help others get there too.</p>
<p>Again, it’s not a good idea to just post your essay on here like this. </p>
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<p>I don’t think “announced” is the right word. Could you think of something else? Maybe “told me”?</p>
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<p>This sentence is a little awkward. </p>
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<p>Can you be more specific than “at a young age”? She’s only ten years old, so every event of her life has happened to her “at a young age.”</p>
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<p>Makes you sound sheltered. People with disabilities are just people, and you’ve probably worked with many of them without even knowing it. </p>
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<p>That last sentence is weird…you’re basically saying “I thought that it was my goal to look out for only those who mattered to me, that anyone else just didn’t matter to me.” It’s like a tautology. </p>
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<p>Could you think of something more descriptive than “deep-seated”?</p>
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<p>I think there’s a typo in that last part?</p>
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<p>Not quite sure about this, but I don’t think you should put other people’s full names in your essays without their permission.</p>
<p>I liked it. I would. however, recommend describing something something you did afterwards that proves how you changed. That could be tutoring other kids to understand challenging concepts. Anything experience that shows you demonstrating what you learned, rather than just stating what you learned.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t submit this essay if I were you. There is a substantial chance of it being stolen or popping up on some plagiarism detector. It isn’t worth the risk, in my opinion.</p>
<p>I’m not submitting this. It was an earlier first draft that I posted to gain feedback as to how I could better improve the later drafts. Thank you everyone for posting what you did! All the comments are really helping me revise so very grateful!</p>