Read my Stanford essay pretty please!

Colleges & Universities A-Z Stanford University
1

<p>...with a cherry on top? </p>

<p>Here's the intro:
The smell of sulfur hangs thickly in the air. In the darkness of the summer night, I can barely make out my brother's crouching shape, hunched over a small wooden platform. He carefully maneuvers the burning match in his hand towards the unlit fuse. Sparks fly. The transaction is complete. With a whoop of surprise, he backpedals furiously, away from the live fuse.</p>

<p>Interested?
PM me with your email and I'll send it to you. </p>

<p>thanks! :)</p>

2

<p>I'll read it...</p>

3

<p>sure, just pm me it</p>

4

<p>pm me please :)</p>

5

<p>is this your activity essay?</p>

6

<p>no, it's my personal statement.</p>

7

<p>ill read it</p>

8

<p>sure I'll read it too</p>

9

<p>I'll read it.</p>

10

<p>i'll read it ... PM me ... the intro diction seems a little too "cookie-cutter", like i've read loads of essays that start with that kinda stuff... some narrative description of an exciting event, i've done it way too many times myself... i think you should try something more creative.</p>

11

<p>Haha I was like, "what kind of activity is THAT?" Then you said it was your personal statement. Sure, I'll read it.</p>

12

<p>i'll read it ... PM me ... the intro diction seems a little too "cookie-cutter", like i've read loads of essays that start with that kinda stuff... some narrative description of an exciting event, i've done it way too many times myself... i think you should try something more creative.</p>

<p>like what?</p>

13

<p>Wait....personal statement? I can't find that on the app.......do you mean the roommate essay?</p>

14

<p>i'll read it! yayayay</p>

15

<p>ill read ur essay</p>

16

<p>same! I'll take a look! Intriguing...</p>

17

<p>you can PM me</p>

18

<p>You can PM me! That intro is very interesting...</p>

19

<p>It's alright, but ease up on the SAT words... use your own voice. This sounds, as much as I've read, formulaic. Just write as if your conversing almost.</p>

20

<p>ill give it a read</p>