READ THIS >>>>PLEASE<<<<, and TRY to help me!!!!!

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>I would highly appreciate if you would help me with my problem. I Am still in High School and I fell in love with this girl. She just broke up with her bf (two weeks ago). However, my problem is - I dont know her personally very well. And I cant make friends with her because she isn't in any of my classes, but she is on my bus sometimes. I had an observation of her FB profile(its available for viewing) for the past month, and I got a chance to find out her personality a bit. Thats why I fell so attracted to her. I can't stop thinking about her. Every day in class, at home. My GPA Went down A LOT. All I do is think about her, cant study :(. I became a different person. Finally, I got a chance to add her on Facebook. My massege was: Hi I saw you on student involment day at school and thought that you were nice, so just added you on facebook. She replied, and thanked for a lovely msg. We had a small talk and then her status changed to Grounded for two weeks. So I stopped seeing her online. Therefore, I tried to talk with her in school, we have the same gym period, but a different teacher, but Couldnt find her. So I posted on her wall: Hi, I tried to speak with you in gym but couldnt find you. etc etc.....
HENCE, The next day (today, may 21st) She deleted my post from her wall and removed me from her friends. I absolutely have no idea what I did wrong. I really dont know what else to do, I feel akward speaking to her on the bus, because she looks intrested speaking with her girlfriends, rather then me. ( I THINK...) Please help me. She is Sophmore and I am junior. all year i tried extremely hard not to fail my classes, and now, when SAT's coming up, Finals and Marking Period 4 ends I AM FAILING EVERYTHING. It has to stop, but I know a lot of girls that are much more beautiful then her, but she has something special, something that makes me a different person.</p>

<p>I thank you for any replies.</p>

2

<p>Wow…</p>

<p>Why won’t the releationship questions on CC end? THis is getting more and more annoying.</p>

3

<p>what do you mean?</p>

4

<p>It appears that she is not interested in you. Any attempt you make will be seen as annoying. Your best course of action is to try to end your infatuation; your grades are more important. Go hang out with friends, meet other people, etc.</p>

<p>And yeah the plethora of relationship advice posts are starting to become a nuisance.</p>

5

<p>^Musicallylatin is saying this isn’t a relationship issues forum and there are a lot of people with questions about dating that seem, honestly, elementary. But here’s what I would say for your situation… Based on the information you’ve provided, you’re obsessed/infatuated with her - you aren’t in love. “Love” is used way too loosely with high school kids, especially when you haven’t even talked to the girl that much. There’s nothing wrong with relationships in high school, but you need to be able to handle it. Look at what’s happened since she entered your life - your grades have gone down, you can’t concentrate, and you aren’t even with her, so IMHO, and I don’t mean this to be insulting or condescending, you can’t handle a relationship right now. You need to focus on grades, SATs, etc. and not worry about girls for a while. If you realize this but can’t get her out of your mind and it’s having that much of a detrimental effect on your life, then you need to talk to somebody for help, maybe a professional, and not from a high school subforum on a college admissions website. As for the girl herself, remember that relationships go both ways. She needs to like you as much as you like her for things to work. If that isn’t the case, then you need to move on, no matter how difficult. Focus on grades, ECs, SATs, and just be yourself, and somebody will come along who will show you what being in love truly is</p>

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<p>^Agreed whole-heartedly. You have to be committed, and communication has to be open. Your situation doesn’t seem to be that good, so just move on, it’s a simple “crush” I suppose. Just focus on school right now, the rest will follow, and you’ll be fine. =]</p>

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<p>sorry guys, i know its not the forum for a relationship, but its the place where a lot of people hang out, hence its the best place to get the answer. </p>

<p>Studying is important, and i know it, because I am smart and I’ve been told million times that I am. I came to America 1.5 yrs ago, Started to speak english every single day of my life, and as you see I am not that bad. I learn fast, etc… but thats not my point…</p>

<p>My point is - IT’S IMPOSSIBLE to get HER out of MY LIFE. I know that i am obsessed with her. But If i would be with her you agree that my life would change…Its too late right now to speak of studying, because its the end of the school year, and since I have had good grades all year I should have no problem at all on finals…</p>

<p>but i really wont be able to live without her. There is more that I didnt tell you, because its a bit wierd… But believe me, in my 17 years i had A LOT of girls that i liked, thought that i loved, etc. NO, THIS IS VERY, VERY different. </p>

<p>That is why i am not asking you to tell me to forget about her, i am Simply asking to tell me How else I can at least make friends with her. just friends. </p>

<p>What i was thinking is to msg her on FB and ask her what I did wrong (obiviously I was really nice and I can’t see any mistakes that I’ve made). I was just trying to be her friend, WHY DID I GET REJECTED? I still cant get it. Is she felling bad because I Probably Should have spoken to her on the BUS??? what was wrong? I thought its right to speak with her online, get to know her just from a regular conv…</p>

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<p>I think you guys are all being kind of hard on breddy0514. It sounds to me like he is ready for a relationship which is why he developed this infatuation. The brain chemistry we have surrounding romance is the most powerful brain chemistry that we have, it is consuming and it is hard to resist, hence I find his description pretty normal. Unfortunately, breddy0514 it would appear that your feelings are not reciprocated. Unrequited love is something that happens to everyone at some point. Do what you can to distract yourself by staying busy and wait for either your crush to fade or someone else to come along who is open to a relationship with you.</p>

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<p>thank you, BUT are there any other thoughts on JUST BECOMING FRIENDS… no relationship…</p>

<p>how can I establish a good friendship with her, having no classes with her… By the Way she lives 3 mins walking from my home</p>

10

<p>Okay, we can only give advice based on what you tell us, and you told us that you were “failing” and couldn’t study. Thus, you can’t handle a relationship, especially when things are like that before you’re even in one. Again based on what you told us, you weren’t formally rejected because you never actually asked her out… on one hand, maybe you should do that so that you can get closure one way or the other? Just a thought… And I’m not going to have a semantical debate about “love” but it’s my personal opinion that one can’t be in love without getting to actually know a person. Getting to be “just friends” with her won’t get you anywhere, you’ll always want more. So either forget about her (IMO best option), no matter how tough, actually talk to her about the two of you being together, being friends, what you “did wrong,” etc. or get help from somebody around you. It’s just a high school thing, this shouldn’t be life-altering, and you’re making it one</p>

<p>Pea, we may be being a little tough, but at the same time with the negative effects of this relationship I think some tough advice is what he needs. I think the rest of your post is perfectly put.</p>

<p>Breddy0514 - you’re contradicting yourself. If you’re “in love” with her, then why “just friends?” You’ll never be satisfied. For your own good, move on, and please don’t follow/stalk her online or in the neighborhood, that can’t go anywhere good</p>

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<p>breddy0514, don’t facebook her again. You scared her off, it probably wasn’t anything you said. Remember, a lot of communication is non-verbal. I think she knows you have a crush on her and she doesn’t feel the same way about you and so she is trying to put some distance between the two of you. I know it feels like you can’t live without her, it is the nature of this particular brain chemistry to feel like that. It also feels like your feelings will never change, but the infatuation will fade, it always does. Try to distract yourself, spend time with other people. You’re getting your heart broken but you will get through this, everyone does.</p>

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<p>10scholar - Excellent answer! </p>

<p>So you are suggesting to Actually ask her what I did wrong in trying to be friends with her? In person or facebook will do? I fell akward saying to her: WHAT DID I DO WRONG WITH SAYING I WANT to be ur friend… haha</p>

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<p>if I am in love with her the Why just friends? </p>

<p>Because I want her to be sure that i am that, secure person that she needs.
I know the previous guy, i am a complete opposite.
After being friends you can establish relationship. Relationship cant start just right off the bet. She has to know more about me. I personally think</p>

14

<p>Look at pea’s answer - just friends didn’t work with her before, probably for the reasons pea said, so what I’m saying is that you need to be honest with yourself about what you want from her. If you want a relationship with her, ask her out, have an actual in-person discussion, but be prepared to actually let her go if she says no. period. At least that way you get closure</p>

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<p>Its an absolute rejection if I will come to her, without her knowing me, and say: “Hi … Do you want go go out” or something like that…</p>

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<p>You most likely creeped her out. Any girl who have the nerves to do what she did is extremely rude and disrespectful. You seem nice and you’re probably way better off without her. Go study, do something useful with your life and another girl ten times better will come along.</p>

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<p>Hey you sound like a really sweet guy, but unfortunately it’s just hard to communicate that through facebook. Being a girl, I know I get “freaked” out alot. It’s not like you did anything wrong, but even though you feel like you know her pretty well (and love her), she just doesn’t know you well enough. Her reaction isn’t necessarily a rejection, but instead, it’s kinda like a defensive precaution. Think about it. A guy who she doesn’t know that well sends her a friend request (perfectly normal). But then, he posts on her wall that he was trying to find her. I know you are super infatuated with her, but girls get wary and suspicious easily. For now I would recommend asking her something along the lines of, “Hey, I’m super sorry, but could you tell me what’s wrong? If it was something I did, I totally didn’t mean it”
I have a couple of personal anecdotes (from both myself and my friends) where we “dropped” guys from our friends lists. This wasn’t because we got scared or paranoid, it was more like we didn’t know the guy that well and felt a little uncomfortable. But then again, these guys were pretty obnoxious and posted stuff like “you’re hot etc…” or they just messaged incessantly. So I’m sure you’re different and her reaction seems a little overboard to me. I’m sure if you EASE into talking to her, she’ll get to know you better and feel more comfortable. I know it’s hard to get over crushes, but if it’s affecting your life, you might want to just take a deep breath and try to “move on”. It takes time, but you’ll eventually get to the point where your infatuation with her is just a “fond” memory and not an obession.</p>

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<p>Well then you’re really out of options, sorry. I was just trying to give you a way to get some closure… So here’s the bottom line - she rejected you as friends, she would reject you in a relationship (your words), so you have no options!! Let her go! I don’t care how hard it is you can’t just be friends with her if she doesn’t want to be, and you can’t be in a relationship with her if she doesn’t want to be. That’s life. It might suck right now but it will get better… So do yourself, your health, and your grades some good and move on… that’s really all the help I can give you, sorry</p>

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<p>I will do my best, hopefully with some feedback from her. Fairy_dreams thank you for a great advice. I am sure that hearing advice from a girl is sometimes useful. Especially in this case, where it matters a lot to me. My life will change drastically if I will be calm and thinking a lot less about her.</p>

<p>10scholar thanks to you as well, I know that you are speaking the truth, but I dont know why, I totally refuse it. </p>

<p>Please post any IDEAS i will be thankful for them.</p>

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<p>I totally get what fairy_dreams said. As a girl, it honestly spooks me when a random guy requests to befriend me on FB … even if we go to the same school, unless we’ve talked in class, it’s kind of creepy.</p>

<p>I think that’s probably what happened here – she’s thinking, I hardly even know this guy, so why is he already acting like we’re good friends by posting on my wall? And then of course, this thought process (which is pretty normal in girls) will eventually lead her to realize that you have a crush on her.</p>

<p>Girls usually have a pretty good sense of when a guy likes them and in this particular case, it seems obvious. So what I think is that she may not feel the same way towards you and therefore decided to kill this in the bud (or at least what she thinks is a bud as she doesn’t know the extent of your feelings). </p>

<p>And if this is the case (which I’m kind of sure it is), then you may have to let it cool off for a couple of months – as in, let the summer go by. Then, once the new school year comes around look out for common classes/activities that you guys have. If she’s doing a specific extracurricular, look into joining.</p>

<p>And once you join, DO NOT make a beeline for the seat next to hers! Let a few weeks go by and then SLOWLY start talking to her. First, maybe say “hi” and then two weeks later, ask her a question about something. Gradually, she’ll start to get to know you and by letting her see that you don’t have a crush on her, she might start feeling more comfortable with you. </p>

<p>Then, after a few months of this comfortable friendship, it may be possible for you to ask her out (casually). These things take time and any guy who tries to rush it with a girl he doesn’t know well (like you did by randomly befriending her) is definitely going to get rejected fast – unless of course you’re super popular and super good-looking. </p>

<p>And lastly, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not go and ask her what you did. It’ll freak her out even more. By deleting you as a friend, she sent a clear message: stay away from me. And that’s something you should respect for the next few months, till she stops feeling creeped out by you.</p>