Please leave some constructive criticism on my appeal letter. This is still a pretty rough draft but it has all of my main ideas in it, I just plan on editing out some repetitive segments and any grammar errors. Also does any one know my chances of this appeal actually working? To give a scope of where I’m at: 1400 SAT, 4.12 GPA weighted, pretty average EC’s, poor UC essays. Anyways, here it is.
I find myself disappointed not because of my denial from UC Berkeley, but my failure to show personal merit.I can’t be content with my admission decision without fighting for it. I write this letter despite high probability of rejection, in hopes that the following new information I give will lead to a reevaluation of my application. I write as an opportunity to show why I believe I am a qualified candidate for admission.
My initial UC application has a defining flaw that I wish to address. UC Berkeley is a school in search of people that can change lives, and people not afraid to deviate from social normalcy. I took the opportunity to show my aspirations for granted. Instead of portraying why I think I belong at UC Berkeley or how I would utilize an opportunity of admission, I gave shallow recaps of my academic achievements that did nothing but categorize me in a group with thousands of others.
What sets me apart from this mass of applicants is my hunger to innovate society in places currently neglected. My original application introduced my passion for chemistry as well as the impact addiction has on the lives of people close to me, but failed to show my goal in combining the two aspects to bring forth change. Addiction has taken the futures and lives of thousands of promising teenagers.It is a plague almost entirely suffered by low income households, resulting in many being unable to find assistance through the current expensive treatment options. Seeing this first hand, I wish to use my knowledge and passion in chemistry to provide alternative treatments and coping methods that would be available for all struggling in their fights. I am unsatisfied with the current world’s action toward addiction. People struggling to fight addiction have become a neglected and forgotten community. With future research opportunities, I hope to create and incite medical advancements to help give voice for a group in silence. I will continue to strive for this change regardless of admission. However, UC Berkeley can provide me with unmatched research opportunities that no other college can give, while also offering students freedom and support to make a change.
I have begun my goals in making such changes already. As secretary of my high school club PACKS, I assisted in setting up fundraisers that allowed close to one-thousand dollars worth of essentials to be provided to a homeless shelter. Playing an essential part in the fundraising, I was able to see the lack of care and attention given to the homeless, of whom several were in a battle with addiction. This event only reinforced my ideals that it is a moral responsibility we have to recognize and change the inequities of the world.
I believe I qualify for admission because I yearn for change. UC Berkeley can provide support for my dreams unlike any other school, and it would be greatly appreciated if my application can be re-examined. Thank you for your additional time and effort for reconsideration of my application to UCB.
This is still a very rough draft so I know there are some unnecessary words and repetition. But does the main idea of it work well enough for an appeal?
Although I have no data to back this up, my sense is that the odds that appealing an admission decision will work are extremely low. That said, if I were writing an appeal, I would focus on how the school would benefit from admitting me, rather than how I would benefit from being admitted.
Berkeley has a 15% acceptance rate, so you’re right…chances are going to be low to nonexistent. They turn down applicants with perfect stats all the time. If I were you, I wouldn’t wast my time on that. Just go to a school that accepts you.
@IanIlikepie:
First of all, you should not be posting any essays on the internet due to plagiarism. If you want an opinion about an essay, ask CC poster to PM you.
Secondly, I agree with @TigerInWinter that you should focus on what you can contribute to UCB as an admitted student.
You need to SIR to another university since you will most likely not hear about your appeal until after May 1.
2019 Appeal Stats:
Appeals received: 925
Appeal admits: 24
wow, 24 is quite a bit, usually decisions only get reversed if there was a mistake in the information the college had at the time.
“I gave shallow recaps of my academic achievements that did nothing but categorize me in a group with thousands of others.”
That’s what people that don’t get in do, it’s a reason for rejection, and by this logic, thousands of others should also get a chance to appeal. I don’t want to be too discouraging, but if you still want to do it, I’d make it much shorter, like a paragraph or two at most, get rid of most sentences with the word Berkeley in it. This sounds like your need UCB a lot more than it needs you, as another poster said. good luck, I’m actually a little surprised about the 24, I thought it would be 1 or 2.
To me it sounds like a very compelling story. However, the appeal stories I have seen online talk about major accomplishments and awards. I don’t know if you talked about PACKs in your original application, but if you didn’t I don’t know how it will seem to the readers. Since Cal is very competitive, having the scores is necessary, but just talking about this doesn’t sound like it would be a good enough reason. I’m sorry to say, but if you were already rejected, Cal wasn’t willing to put you on the waitlist. I think that only some major feats that you accomplished senior year or a mistake on the application will give you a good chance. Considering that 24 appeals worked last year, I would give it a shot, but I would also have to plan on attending another college. In Supertutor’s “5 College Essays that suck”, she talks about the generic “mission trip essay” that changes the whole perspective of some people. Change is usually gradual, and to me change is seen by someone who rather talks about their accomplishments over a significant period of time in which they try to relate everything to their major they are applying to. My friend was admitted to the College of Chemistry and he deserves it. He showed interest in Chemistry by getting a 5 on the AP Exam and a 800 on the subject test sophomore year and he got 1st place in Chem Lab in Science Olympiad 3 years in a row. He also was an intern at Cal during the summer after junior year. You have to let the accomplishments speak for themselves most of the time, rather than explaining that moment where your perspective changes entirely. If you don’t have the stats to reinforce your appeal, I don’t think it will be enough. I really hope I’m not discouraging you from appealing, I’m just trying to tell you what I think after reading your essay and stuff.
Here are my thoughts: I love your enthusiasm. I know that you really want to go to Cal, or else you wouldn’t even consider writing a letter. That’s awesome.
That being said, it’s an extreme long shot.
I would recommend crafting a 2-3 paragraph letter that wastes no time getting right to the point. And you’re going to have to do some research and work.
Your first 2 paragraphs read like 80% of the other appeal letters. Get rid of them. They know you want to go to Cal. Also, get rid of all the school PACKs stuff. Go right into the addiction part. “Addiction has taken the futures and lives of thousands…” That would be my first line.
Next, you’re going to have to spell out a very specific action plan about how you are going to address this problem. Don’t just say that you want to provide alternate treatments. Make the point of the letter about your specific treatment ideas. Do it on a very local level. Give stats, and how you, personally, can reverse this problem. You’ll need to spend some time learning more about treatment and solutions, but the point is that you want to show them that you are smart, innovative and that you really give a sh**. Treat it almost like you are writing an abstract for a research paper.
Then with the last sentence you can say something to the effect of “please reconsider my application.” You have to be incredibly efficient, as if someone was screaming in your ear the whole time to make it shorter.
If you have the energy to do something like this, then DM me with an updated draft. Good luck.
Contact ask ms.sun and ask her to help you. Your chance will be higher if you ask expert advice. Good Luck.
best of luck on your appeal!