<p>I speak as someone with two close family members who experienced serious psychiatric illness in college and withdrew in order to deal with those issues. One eventually returned to the original school and completed the degree there. The other chose a new school and major and completed the degree there. Both eventually went on to get masters and are successful in their fields and living relatively healthy happy lives (aren’t we all).</p>
<p>Before either of them could make the transition to going back to school they had to deal with their mental health. It sounds like after 3 years your son is still grappling with some of the issues that led to his breakdown. You have said he is on anti-depression meds but not currently in therapy. I think I would focus on getting him into therapy and figuring out what tools he needs to deal with what may be life long mental health issues. </p>
<p>It sounds like you have been able to structure your life in a way that suits your particular wiring. It is a luxury that I expect you truly appreciate. Right now while living with you and not going to school, your son is also able to do that. Generally, in order to succeed in a college setting, we have to work around our wiring and adapt. If we’re really lucky, after college, we can build a life that plays to our strengths and lets us skate over our weak spots (and doesn’t bore us). But even in college with self-awareness and planning, he can structure things to be more accommodating to who he is now. How do you see your son being successful in college? Only taking classes that start in the afternoon? (It’s been done!) Doing an internship for credit? Personally, I would suggest not making a plan that has him dependent on you and your husband for getting up and getting to class. It will mean a lot if he can start to experience success on his own. And he can learn about what works and doesn’t work for him. All of that will help him as he takes his next steps.</p>
<p>We live in the same household. Why wouldn’t I know about his sleep habits? Especially when I’m up at 2am too! Look, I’ve just sent thumper1 my FB profile. Anyone else want to verify I’m who I say I am, please speak up. </p>
<p>His waking up for Korean online tournament games is relatively recent. He doesn’t play the game. He watches it, like he watches football. </p>
<p>This thread is not about your FB profile or your VRBO rental. Honestly not relevant at all to your original question.</p>
<p>Your son needs to get the right help in terms of righting his ship. After three years, it doesn’t sound like he is ready to return to college full time, but perhaps part time would work. </p>
<p>In terms of getting him help…Has he ever had a complet neuro psychological exam? That might be worst pursuing in terms of teasing out his difficulties, and formulating a plan to correct them.</p>
<p>As others have noted above, until that takes place…really returning full time to any college sounds like it will be a challenge.</p>
<p>Right, Thumper, it’s not about me, but how can you or anyone else question my story without my responding by trying to remove any question of this being a legitimate inquiry aside?</p>
<p>Thank you LeftofPisa. I got through college by not having any classes before 11. In jobs, I always tried to work 10 to 6. When I tried to quit my job at the State Attorney’s Office to be a stay at home mom, the state attorney responded by allowing me to telecommute on my own schedule. That lasted 7 years. Obviously it wouldn’t have lasted that long if I wasn’t able to make it work. My son will figure out work arounds as well. </p>
<p>I want to say something about the waking up thing that many people seem to doubt.
I have always struggled with waking up. In high school my parents woke me up. When I came home and worked summers and weekends at home during college my parents woke me up. At college I would either schedule classes later in the day or ask someone in advance to call me to wake me up. I graduated with my Master’s degree with a 3.8 GPA. I then went on to work and found a job that let me have a flexible schedule to account for the fact that I just can’t wake up in the morning. Then, I got married and got a job in the last few years that requires me to be to work early. My husband wakes me up! My whole point is that it is possible to live a productive life and suck at waking up. I have a professional job with a good salary and I am the bread winner. My husband entered marriage knowing full well that I am horrible at waking up early! I just am! I have trouble falling asleep at night and can’t/won’t take a sleep aid for several reasons not relevant. He wakes me up and verifies I actually get out of bed (otherwise I doze back off). And then I can move on with my day and go to work and do a good job and bring home a nice pay check.</p>
<p>My only reason for posting this is to say that it IS possible to be successful and have trouble waking up. I’ve had to rely on other people. Maybe I’ve been blessed by family and friends who have helped me out. I try to rotate my “wake me up” requests among various people when I needed to use friends. Even now there are times I occassionally have to start work super early and I’ll ask a coworker to call me to make sure I am awake. I know my weaknesses and have been able to compensate. </p>
<p>No one hunts me to down (well other than my husband) to make sure I get up on time. I’ve had to advocate for myself to get this help. I see nothing wrong with helping your son get up and go to class. Maybe just make the caveat that he has to ask you. </p>
<p>Good luck though. I love how you are advocating for your son!</p>
<p>I agree with a poster up thread. I would be concerned about the potential pressure that your son will be under if you move from mexico to be near him in college. It would be different if say you got a job and were moving and he followed. While I understand you want to be close by to help him. I’m concerned that it also could really back fire if he doesn’t do as well as he thinks you expect. I would talk to the therapist about that plan.</p>
<p>As far as Obamacare, if you move back to the US will you need to sign up for it or will your International insurance work? </p>
<p>I don’t find it odd that you know his sleep habits given that he lives with you. My son left for college in August but when he was here I always knew his general sleep habits because he was here. He’s clomps around the house, I can’t help but hear it. And he was also terrible at waking up–we all heard his alarm go off forever before he got up every morning in high school.</p>
<p>That said, I take issue with your statement that “I’m really glad I never had some of you for parents. He’s almost 24!” You are possibly planning to move with him to the area his is in school in order to make sure he wakes up for class. You have said that even if he has a dorm, it may be best if he stays with you when he has a morning class, so you can be sure he gets up.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, but if you are arranging things in order to make sure he gets up for class, you can’t really say “He’s almost 24. I can’t tell him when he should sleep!” Because you pretty much are putting yourself in the position of being in charge of his sleep. So yes, you can and should offer him suggestions as to how he might be better able to do this without your help eventually. After all, our goal as parents is, as my husband says, to work ourselves out of a job. There isn’t a set timeline for when that happens, and it certainly varies from kid to kid. But that’s the goal. So if you are helping them with something, you should also be offering guidance and working towards not having to do that forever.</p>
<p>Our international insurance doesn’t cover the US if we’re there for more than 45 days consecutively. And, since we’d be in the US for more than the prescribed period they require us to be out of the country, we would need to get Obamacare. </p>
<p>Has he been tested for ADHD? This sounds like a mix of depression, anxiety, ADHD, and maybe some executive management issues. </p>
<p>the bit about staying up, focused on something until he can’t stay awake anymore…and the fact that he can get up when he wants to do something he likes…all sounds like ADHD, depression, anxiety, etc.</p>
<p>The “desire” for something (watching a sport) kicks in the adrenaline and other pleasurable feelings to motivate him to get up.</p>
<p>My H has several family members who are like this. They can get up EARLY for something that they really want…a golf tee time, fishing, etc…but they can’t get up at any decent time for mundane daily stuff or stuff that is important to OTHERS. And they regularly stay up very late doing what they want to do.</p>
<p>1or2musicians, I just thought some of the intolerance was a bit over the top. Sure, I’d make sure he got up. I’m not going to make his sleep habits a point of contention because he’s 24. I will support him by making sure he wakes up. We don’t have a contentious relationship to begin with. I don’t see one beginning now. That was what I was trying to say. </p>
<p>Mom2, he’s never been tested for ADHD because he was never disruptive. He was never tested for ADD because his focus in class was always excellent. His sister however is the poster child for ADD and tested positively for it with flying colors. She never was a fan of taking meds. She never was an academic star because of this, but has become a brilliant biomedical photographer working at Vanderbilt Medical. </p>
<p>"Our international insurance doesn’t cover the US if we’re there for more than 45 days consecutively. "</p>
<p>“he returns every six months to Florida, sometimes spending a few months with his grandmother,” “We have returned over summers and Nov & Dec. That’s 5 months per year” </p>
<p>Then how are you covered by the international insurance? Is your son uninsured? There are many confusing statements in this thread.</p>
<p>We were not insured for 2 years. We’ve only recently purchased the international health insurance. There is universal coverage here for temporary residents, but private care ran about the same as what co-pays and deductibles ran in the States. For example I had a 3 day hospital stay for a kidney stone that needed lithroscopy. The entire cost of care - surgeon, anesthesiologist, hospital stay, surgery, etc. came to $3300. Our international insurance would now cover even that minimal amount. And, this was at the best hospital in the region. </p>
<p>Many with ADHD are NEVER disruptive. That is a misunderstanding about ADHD. Some ADHD folks are very good students, never disruptive. He should be tested. My H has ADHD and he was a perfect student, Val of his class), etc. He had no trouble focusing in class (cuz he loved learning and school), and could super-focus while playing chess (can play 3 games simultaneously while BLIND-FOLDED). However, H is very ADHD…and it runs in his family. </p>
<p>Many with ADHD are able to focus very well on things that they like and interest them. They will often excel in those areas. </p>
<p>Well, the way you describe your husband does sound an awful lot like my son. He’s not a chess fan anymore, but he does have 3 monitors going on his desk at any given time. And, with his sister’s diagnosis, we know it’s in the family. I’ve always suspected strongly that I was (although I’m much more like my daughter in this respect). So, yes, it sounds like he should be tested. Thank you for that. I obviously have some reading to do!</p>
<p>There is no effective test for ADHD. You can google the questionnaire. There are different subgroups of ADHD, including hyperactive and inattentive. The latter group are not usually disruptive and often get missed.</p>
<p>A neuropsychologist can evaluate attention but the results are skewed, because it is a one on one interaction in a small room with few distractions or stimuli.</p>
<p>Honestly, a primary care doc can do the questionnaire used in evaluations, and you can find it online.</p>
<p>This thread is surprisingly long without every helping the important points stick.</p>
<p>-Your son should should have therapy and meds as needed: both psychiatric and neuropsychological evaluations could be helpful.
-Investigate the possibility of converting the failures/leave at Pomona to medical withdrawal with a clean slate.
-Consider non-traditional educational paths such as online programs (a program like BU’s degree completion program has diverse classes without a specialization which might appeal to your son.)
-Consider part time attendance. Most degree completion, continuing ed or extensions programs have this option.
-If he does want to return to Pomona, he needs to find out his status and also what Pomona requires of him in order to return.
-He might want to establish residency for educational savings. Online programs can be done where he is, however, and he could keep his job.
-Family support is wonderful but he needs to own his choices and actions: a tricky balance.</p>
<p>Many kids who flounder at this age can end up with happy and successful lives. Have faith!</p>
<p>I haven’t read the whole thread, but if he is able to get a job at Vandy he might be able to establish residency in TN and get free college money in their “Drive to 55” program. NOTE: This is ONLY for community college and it seems he’s already earned the equivalent of 2 years of education. This needs to be checked. It he hasn’t earned 2 years then this might be a way for him to complete that and get an AA. That said, I agree with everyone who said getting at the underlying issue behind his challenges at Pomona is advisable first to hopefully avoid recitivism/relapse. Sadly, young adulthood is when some mental health issues surface. </p>