<p>If he is working as a prof in Mexico, does he get himself up for that?
Seems he should have basic skills down before he attempts larger ones.
( although how much is he working in Mexico if he is considered a resident of Florida? So he pays income tax ?)
If he graduated high school in 2009, but he’s 24, did he already take a year off in k-12?</p>
<p>So it may not be a surprise that he has maturity issues?</p>
<p>She said he turns 24 in a few months.</p>
<p>Class of 2009 kids have been turning 24 generally since June around where I live.</p>
<p>My 24 yr old d graduated in 08 and she didn’t turn 18 till the end of senior yr.
I just thought kids started kindergarten everywhere at 5, although I know that isn’t always a requirement.</p>
<p>Right, Madison. The class of 2008 had kids turn 24 through the summer. Class of 09 have been turning 24 since fall.</p>
<p>Yes, the posts were talking about him as if he was * already* 24.
So confusing if you miss a post!</p>
<p>He will be 24 for this round of college enrollment. So he will be independent for residency and financial aid.</p>
<p>Has anyone ever suggested Asperger’s Syndrome? There are some mighty high functioning folks with this disability who have increasing difficulty with daily functioning as they get older. And there is a range from very mild to more significant.</p>
<p>Regardless…a full, comprehensive evaluation could be helpful. If he has a current one, and a disability of any kind is found, he could access help, and perhaps accommodations through the disabilities office at the school. If needed, this could include no early morning classes, and perhaps a single room.</p>
<p>I do think you need to make sure his Questbridge eligibility remains, and in what amount, and for how long. </p>
<p>Yes, he has been getting himself up for work, but this isn’t a great measure as work starts at 11. We do sit down for breakfast before he leaves so he has fruit, veggie tacos/eggs/chilaquiles, etc., along with some jugo verde and coffee inside him before he leaves. I’m certain he wasn’t eating breakfast before class at Pomona.</p>
<p>Interesting. No one has ever suggested Asperger’s. He’s extroverted, not hypersensitive to sounds/lights, etc., communication is smooth, and he is in the moment. He also collects friends. If he does have it, he does a masterful job of masking it, at least in my layman’s understanding of how it manifests.</p>
<p>Most, if not all rooms at Pomona are singles for upperclassmen, although I just read in another thread that their class size has increased significantly, so this may no longer be true. He always got along with roommates in any respect.</p>
<p>I’m going to have him meet with the therapist at least a few times before he starts making calls. Since he’ll be walking her dogs in exchange for treatment, this should go fairly quickly, beginning today. </p>
<p>Oh, and he didn’t miss a grade in K to 12. He turns 24 at the end of December. He began kindergarten at 5. </p>
<p>Disabilities come in all sizes and shapes. Some are very mild, and a person can easily compensate in most situations. Some are more complicated. </p>
<p>But that isn’t the point…if there is an underlying disability contributing to this young man’s issue, it would be good to understand those better as well. And it could help him and you as he moves forward.</p>
<p>I’m not discounting anything and will leave it up to the professionals, but I think this is an old fashioned case of depression that first reared its head while he was at school. </p>
<p>There have been some theories that ADHD is on the Autism spectrum (which would include aspergers). I have noted that my H may have some aspects…even tho he doesn’t have most of the symptoms…he’s very funny, understands jokes, etc…but doesn’t “get” some social cues, black&white thinking, and sometimes has no filter (too honest…don’t ask him if he likes your dress, he’ll tell you if he doesn’t). I wouldn’t be surprised if at some point, some links are shown. </p>
<p>Agreed…a competent individual who can assess comprehensively…in person. </p>
<p>Believe me, I am NOT trying to diagnose over the Internet…but every possibility needs to be ruled out…or in.</p>
<p>The main reasons for a diagnosis are:</p>
<p>1) To better access information. By providing the filter of a diagnosis, you can hone your research in on how to ameliorate the specific diagnosis,</p>
<p>2) It allows you son to feel like part of a defined group and gives legitimacy for his behaviors and hope for his success, and</p>
<p>3) It provides a handle for accessing and talking about disability services and getting accommodations (as mentioned up-thread) such as only late-start classes, testing in non-distracting settings, single room, etc.</p>
<p>In some ways it is a distraction from what you are doing, since sorting his Pomona status and setting his strategy for moving forward are of primary importance. Any diagnosis will only support what you are doing- mostly by legitimizing it.</p>
<p>May I gently suggest that you consider therapy around re-centering your life around your own, non-child-centric, goals? Children model our behaviors more than they listen to us. It may be time to set an excellent model; and to define goals for yourself that take the focus (and maybe some pressure to succeed) off of your son. I totally get it that this detour was necessary (I mean I TOTALLY GET IT!). But at some point the detour needs to come to an end.</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>It’s possible that this is merely garden-variety depression, but it begs the question why hasn’t there been consistent therapy since his departure, and it also begs the question as to why it would be thought to be a good idea to make him “confront the demons” at a school where the mention of it makes him tear up. It begs the question as to who has the goal of a Pomona degree. </p>
<p>Thanks, itsjustschool! Yes, I appreciate all of that. Had success with daughter due to her labeling so not fighting the idea at all. </p>
<p>Yes, I definitely am child-centric. My husband is as well - he even began teaching because it was the best thing for them (tuition waived at the top notch private school where he worked). Therapy is probably in order for at least me again. Since moving to Mexico I haven’t had any because I’m super content, but yeah, goals unrelated to the family haven’t been my thing since I became a mom. And, it’s high time for me to be easing out of that role and figuring out what I want to do in the last third of my life. Thanks for reminding me of something that should be as obvious to me as the sun. </p>
<p>
No,I do not believe this to be true. Perhaps there is a misunderstanding. Until the release of the new DSM5 a year or so ago, the diagnoses were mutually exclusive, not co-morbid. Now, with the DSM5 a dual diagnosis is permitted, as there is understanding that as many as 1/3 of individuals diagnosed with spectrum disorders have symptoms consistent with ADHD. However, it is NOT the other way around. Individuals diagnosed with ADHD do NOT typically have symptoms consistent with an autism spectrum diagnosis.</p>
<p>None of this has anything to do with the OP’s son, but it can be bothersome and misleading when misinformation is presented.</p>
<p>Pizza girl, he had therapy until he began life here in a pretty large way and he just got too busy for it. Plus, with the ssri’s, he’s been doing well. </p>
<p>I have nothing invested in a Pomona degree. If I cared about that kind of crap, I would have encouraged him to apply to Yale, where his uncle is a professor and where one of his cousins attended. Pomona was his FIRST choice on his QB match, followed by schools like Haverford. He doesn’t need to go back to college at all as far as I’m concerned. This is his idea - to get a degree in anything. I was/am just trying to find a place, any place where that would be doable and affordable. </p>
<p>He may ultimately choose not to attend Pomona at all. I do want him to examine this option rather than let the decision be made by the default of just letting time go by. If he didn’t think he might not ever want to return, he surely wouldn’t have dragged himself out of his dorm room at his lowest point that last semester in order to someday maybe have the option. </p>
<p>He doesn’t sound like he is doing badly at all right now, and this thread seems to be more about repairing damage done in the past when he was depressed but untreated. Would you say that is right?</p>
<p>I don’t see why he cannot just plug along with an online or low residency degree completion program. He will have plenty of company. He can live and work where he is happiest (does he like his job now?) and take one or two classes at a time. His GPA starts fresh at a new school (though the Pomona transcript will always be part of his record).</p>
<p>You, or he, can look into converting the leave of absence to a medical withdrawal and try to fix the record, but if that is not possible, so be it, he can just move forward and establish a good record in a new place.</p>
<p>The majority of college students are non-traditional. Sorry to repeat myself. But there may not be a big problem here now that his depression is treated.</p>
<p>Nothing wrong with your focus on family either, at least for these years of “detour.”</p>
<p>Correct, he’s not doing badly at all, and I’m super interested in looking into online programs if that’s what he decides, and he may very well. Of course, the Fs might preclude that, but we won’t know what can be done till we have more information. The past has to be confronted, if even just that bit, and like you say, maybe I can be of some help in the maneuvering of things. </p>
<p>And, like he expresses, he’s got this particular neurosis down to the size of a tumor where it can perhaps be excised.</p>