<p>It seems to me that this student needs a lower stress environment. Probably not Pomona, not a school like Pomona, and not a competitive program like the CIA program. I agree with those who think what he ought to do is move to the U.S. and work for a period of time before thinking about returning to college, and then go to school somewhere that isn’t going to be a high-stress environment.</p>
<p>Power cropper,</p>
<p>I think you’ve summarized the reality of the situation perfectly. We’re now discussing moving to Claremont at the end of the Spring and him enrolling in whatever community college is closest while easing back into Pomona. </p>
<p>I agree with Hunt. This is a 24 year old almost. He is independent for all college purposes…residency and financial aid. </p>
<p>Find a place near the grandparent in Florida…or see if living with grandparent is an option. Help him set us his place. Help him look for jobs, set up a bank account, and help him research colleges to apply to a year from now.</p>
<p>He NEEDS to find out about those last term grades. If they are all F marks because he stopped attending classes…that will affect his GPA when transferring to another school. It could also affect Satisfactory Academic Progress. If he didn’t meet SAP, he won’t be eligible for any federally funded need based aid at all…until he satisfies the SAP requirement or appeals it and demonstrates that he has a good plan to remediate his weaknesses.</p>
<p>Another thing I would strongly suggest…spend some money on a career counselor here in the states. This could save you and him tons of time and money. A good career counselor can hone in on student strengths, and areas of interest and come up with a variety of career options. If you ask, these folks can also give you a range of possibilities from needing professional school to needing no college at all.</p>
<p>Hunt,</p>
<p>I think that’s what we’ve been doing. He has taken a 3 year break, worked and is ready to move forward. I sincerely believe if he continues in this low output environment, he’ll eventually age out of an ability to move past it. </p>
<p>We never focused on grades in our house either, but it is a little strange not to know why he was academically suspended. The point isn’t whether he got F’s. The point is whether he got them because he left school without formally withdrawing, or left school after the point when withdrawing was possible, so that the F’s or whatever (I don’t care if they were D’s or C’s or F’s, but clearly they were low enough to warrant academic suspension) can be somehow rescinded after the fact because he was having a mental health issue. Or at least that situation can be taken into account at Pomona, or explained by Pomona for other schools during the application process.</p>
<p>Did anyone, your son or you , talk to administration at the time?</p>
<p>The transcript will follow him wherever he goes. Cleaning it up might be possible or he could at least talk with Pomona about how to approach his future. This is really no different from a kid who has to leave for any other medical problem. Depression is a medical problem. Think how this should be approached if his suspension was due to cancer treatment, for instance.</p>
<p>There seems to be a lack of advocacy going on, at least in the past, that is having ramifications now.</p>
<p>I can definitely understand where your son was struggling with at Pomona. Many times, I questioned my own worth in being here. I got bad grades- the lowest in my life- and it really struck me and made me feel inadequate. But there were always people looking out for me. My peer students who excelled taught me their approaches to the problems. My professors were always available for office hours and helped me figure out what it was I was doing wrong and what I could do. And as a result, I went from a 47 on my first test in linear algebra, the hardest class I’ve taken, to an A- overall in the class. This happened for other classes as well. In another challenging class, I felt woefully inadequate, and taking to my professor revealed something deeper within- just a deeply manifested insecurity in general. She revealed that she very much felt the same way in her undergraduate years and sought therapy to help be more positive with herself- and it changed her life. Professors here are in my experience so caring and willing to find solutions for their students. Now, I’m going to therapy- which is just an opportunity for me to talk about my feelings and for the therapist to remind me of my accomplishments- and it really, really helps.</p>
<p>Please let your son know that feelings of insecurity are common at any prestigious institution, but more importantly- there is help available, and especially now. And especially now- now that so many students have criticized the administration for not supporting mental health and well-being as much as they should- asking for help is not something to be ashamed of. Please let him know that Pomona wants him back and that just because he got a few bad grades doesn’t mean they consider his application in regret. Academic suspensions exist to help students take a break from academics, and return to rise back on their feet and get good grades, and if your son was admitted, he definitely has the capacity to thrive. It’s just a matter of coming in terms with that it won’t be easy, that you will have to work hard, and that you probably will have to seek help from your professors, but it’ll be alright. </p>
<p>These are just some thoughts, but in deciding what you and your son wants, considering all of your options is important. </p>
<p>Like many have suggested I really encourage getting deep into the heart of what it is that scares him from returning to Pomona. Some things can be easily fixed upon arriving…other things, like encountering tenured professors that may have traumatized him…not so much. It seems to be a combination of dealing with academic difficulty and homesickness, both of which can be taken care of, but if there’s something else and more permanent, Pomona may not be the best option.</p>
<p>The CIA scholarship sounds really amazing. His attitude now - just came from long heart to heart - is that he feels he’s messed up, he’s a failure and doesn’t understand what’s so special about him that he’s being given a second chance. At the same time, he says he doesn’t feel like an imposter and that he earned Pomona and QB. He’s working up the courage to call Questbridge and ask for help. He’s really afraid he’s going to mess things up again.</p>
<p>I have a friend here in Mex that counsels CEOs, generals, etc. - essentially leadership counseling for people who end up in roles where they might feel over their head’s (among other issues, of course). Maybe she’ll see him in exchange for some dog walking and they can work on some of the above issues along with vocational questions. I trust her and we’ve never discussed him so she would be going in with no pre-conceived impressions, other than knowing he’s a bright, funny and polite young man.</p>
<p>As for issues with myself and his dad - my husband is working at an IB school here in San Miguel and I’m struggling with some of the same issues as my son. We’re genetically twins in temperament, so I’ve never met my own or other"s expectations. I would hate to see him lost to the same demons. </p>
<p>He looked up his grades. He got 4 Fs his last semester and his status currently is “on leave.”. His grades before that semester were much better than he thought they would be. Mostly As and Bs. He said one of the few things he was able to accomplish that semester was filling out the leave of absence form and meeting with staff to discuss the situation.</p>
<p>NW, I think you guys are really similar. He didn’t have the best advisor when he was there and he just threw up his hands. He says he feels shell shocked and not happy about returning to the place of battle for fear of dying again. </p>
<p>Hugs to you SMAmom. Your son has been struggling, and that is hard on everyone. </p>
<p>My son spent 4 semesters out of 3 years at a well-known LAC. In both his second and third years he took a medical leave of absence for the spring; in the last year he did very poorly and, like your boy, was holed up in his room, stopped attending class, etc. We were far away physically and he did not let us in on the situation until it was time to return at the end of January. He actually broke down in tears at the airport and begged us not to make him return. I also think something happened there that he may or may not have shared in subsequent therapy.</p>
<p>Fast forward many months, and he’s enrolled in a state university and succeeding well in his new environment. What has helped: therapy, living at home in order to regain confidence and stability, attending a school that appreciates him and his abilities and is much less stressful while still providing a fine education. We moved to this state primarily for the educational and - we hope - job opportunities and cannot claim residency for one more semester. HIs school is one hour from home; this weekend is the first one he is actually coming home but knowing we’re close by as opposed to across the country has been huge for him!</p>
<p>He was able to transfer the vast majority of his credits (with some juggling), and all his AP’s etc. He recently told me his advisor at StateU is kinder and more helpful than anyone he met at his LAC despite the fact that his U is much, much bigger. It will take him 5 semesters to graduate, but he changed his major in there which added the extra semester.</p>
<p>All of which is to say I support anything you need to do to help your son on his path. Everyone’s path is different.</p>
<p>Feel free to pm. All best.</p>
<p>I wonder if Pomona could be convinced to change the F grades to withdrawal instead (for medical reason?).</p>
<p>In season, out of season…do you have a vacation rental? </p>
<p>Ok…so number of the things that I wondered about are likely true. I still don’t see how someone with what I call a “shaky core” is going to be able to handle foreign service. Usually there is a good bit of travel, changes, etc, involved. Too many changes, which will shake undermine the foundation of someone with a “shaky core.” </p>
<p>I’m not saying that he shouldn’t go to college, he should. He has the smarts. But, I do not think that steering him to a career like foreign service is a good idea. He would have to be able to quickly and calmly adapt to changing circumstances.</p>
<p>What are his strengths?</p>
<p>
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<p>Foreign service officers work through the state department. I haven’t seen anyone in this thread suggest that for this student.</p>
<p>The majority of CIA officers live and work in Washington DC although there are opportunities to work abroad.</p>
<p>@honeybee63 “Foreign service officers work through the state department. I haven’t seen anyone in this thread suggest that for this student.”</p>
<p>The mom wrote:</p>
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<p>Yes, we rent our house out as a vacation rental. We came to Mexico with suitcases. Relocating is as easy as getting on a plane. I love the CiA thing because it gives him the structure and stability he craves, along with the opportunity to use his talents to the max.</p>
<p>Someone asked about his strengths. His strengths are in everything and only suffer if he turns his attention in a different direction. And even then, he remembers everything he worked on previously. He also brings a tremendous gestalt view to the whole kit and caboodle. </p>
<p>Op,
I know that this is putting the cart way before the horse but I wanted to mention something in case he decides to return to Pomona and you all move to CA. Move to Montclair or Ontario which is in San bernadino county with much lower taxes etc. The city of Pomona is in LA county which has higher taxes etc. </p>
<p>I also wonder if, with the therapists’ help, he could meet with Pomona and get a medical withdrawal versus F’s</p>
<p>The initial post mentioned academic suspension for 5 years. Now it is a voluntary leave of absence. I am confused.</p>
<p>Even with one semester of F’s, the fact that other semesters were fine, and the semester with F’s was followed by a leave, he may be fine to return. Get a copy of their policy on returning from a leave. Many schools require things like 6 months full time work, or a doctor’s letter, or meeting with their own staff.</p>
<p>If he really doesn’t want to return, that is one thing, but it sounds like homesickness was part of it. If you lived within driving distance he could come home a lot or even live at home.</p>
<p>He had an academic suspension for a semester. I suspect after it expired, it converted into a leave of absence. We’ll definitely pursue the medical withdrawal option to see if the semester of Fs can be washed. </p>
<p>He definitely doesn’t fight it when I say we would all relocate. It’s a plus to him, not a negative at all. </p>
<p>Transferring could be a problem with a gpa on his transcript of less than 3.0. </p>
<p>It sounds like facing his demons at Pomona may be best for him. It sounds like he needs to go back to the campus and discuss a possible future there with an advisor or counselor. Only someone on staff/faculty there can tell him he can succeed there so he believes it and internalizes it. He may or may not choose to continue at Pomona but unless he faces his fears there he will always have them. Learning things are not as disastrous as he thinks will be a confidence booster. Right now it looms over him. It needs minimalizing by people at Pomona- the fact they are willing to take him back on scholarship speaks volumes. But- he isn’t processing that.</p>