<p>I said a few pages back that his defenses range from denial to avoidance. No doubt. His first therapist was at Pomona, and even before the semester of Fs (which he confirmed only yesterday) he took a semester off for therapy (therapist #2). He only started on the SSRIs since he has been in Mexico (therapist #3). He’s doing a LOT better on medication. He wakes up, he goes to work, he has a social life, he gets up at all hours to catch online Korean videogame championships (actually sets an alarm and gets up). He is cheerful, talkative and willing to pitch in should anyone need help. In short, anyone meeting him now would never guess his college years went the way they did. All of this without continuing therapy. </p>
<p>When I started this thread (only the day before yesterday - I’ve learned so much since then, including from him!), I was looking for a quick fix. A way he didn’t have to return and he could get a degree, any degree, (and an online degree sounds certainly like a potential - least upheaval for everyone). I do think now that some closure is in order - with Pomona, with QB and most importantly, himself. I think Therapist #4 will be hugely helpful in order to help him decide his next step, or even whether there will be one. </p>
<p>Never any doubt in my mind that depression was at the source his issues. For a kid who never stressed in high school and graduated 3rd in his class, to suddenly be dealing with anxiety over minutiae was all it took for me to see he had lost the genetic lottery in that department. I’m grateful meds help. And, the first med he tried helped. So no challenges in that department, yay. He’s never tried college on meds. Yes, he tears up at the mention of Pomona - the ONLY hangup he has, and “the letting everyone down who believed in him” narrative is enough of an explanation for me. It just took <em>me</em> years to accept it due to some heavy projection. Now, that we’re communicating about the whole thing in this healthy state I’m convinced I was wrong. It could be Blossom that now looking back at those years, and not through a cloud of depression, it could look as simple to him as not getting up for class. He’s attempting to rationalize an irrational situation. And, I don’t think he doesn’t see that. Looking back, there was a concrete real world challenge that makes sense to him now. </p>
I’m not actually sure it is. I watched my now-sister-in-law sabatoge herself freshman year. She’s bright but she missed her boyfriend, and she’d gone to a terrible high school so she really had never written a research paper before, and she had an undiagnosed issue with foreign languages.</p>
<p>Her problems started by getting more and more behind in German. I remember trying to get her to learn enough to pass her German midterm. And she just got the deer in the headlights look. She was making a dress the night before a 6-8 page paper was due in a poli sci class because she didn’t know the first thing about how to write the paper. She ended up dropping out and spent a couple of years taking classes at U of Florida, then thought, why am I tossing away my opportunity for a Harvard degree? She went back, and by then U of F, at least had taught her how to write a paper, she got tested for the language thing after trying French and flunking it too. Colleges these days seem to frown on taking classes elsewhere, but it was really what she needed. Maybe academic supports are better these days for the unprepared, or maybe she just didn’t have the sense to use them. She thinks she would have been better off at a smaller LAC and encouraged her kids to attend them. (3 did, and the 4th did just fine at a big school studying engineering.)</p>
<p>I agree, that living at home to get cure the oversleeping problem is not the answer I’d look for. I feel like if you can’t get up for classes on your own, you probably aren’t ready or enough invested in the program.</p>
<p>First…I think you might want to get your U.S. tax filings in honest order. It sounds like you have been filing as residents when you are not residents. And it also sounds like you are not declaring this rental income on those taxes because you are pretending that the Florida residence is yours. I only say this needs to be straightened out because until it is, there is a huge chance your taxes will be flagged for verification in terms of need based aid. Sure, you have a Texas mailing address, and a Florida home. But you don’t LIVE in either place. I’m sorry but I find this tax filing you are doing to be dishonest. You are not current,y a resident of Florida…or Texas. Sorry, you live in Mexico.</p>
<p>Re: your son…he doesn’t need to choose a career, he needs to get his bachelors degree. Many students major in a field that is of interest to them. They don’t necessarily choose a major based on career aspirations. And many college grads never work in the field in which they got a degree. So…what is of interest to him? He is an upperclassman. Presumably, he would be taking courses mostly in his major…which should be a field in which he has interest…what would that be? It doesn’t really matter…but ask him…“what courses did you really like? What subjects did you really like?” Then go from there.</p>
<p>He should be able to get his bachelors degree someplace…and he can then move on from there. </p>
<p>If he likes a certain subject matter, he can always discuss his with the career office wherever he ends up. They might be able to help him with career options that match his likes.</p>
<p>Don’t try to pick a career…and hope he likes the courses…in this case, I think it would be better to let the cpurses be the driving force.</p>
<p>But first…drop the demons, get s great counselor, and have him feel good about moving forward independently. At age 24, he should be moving in that direction.</p>
<p>“He only started on the SSRIs since he has been in Mexico (therapist #3). He’s doing a LOT better on medication. He wakes up, he goes to work, he has a social life, he gets up at all hours to catch online Korean videogame championships (actually sets an alarm and gets up). He is cheerful, talkative and willing to pitch in should anyone need help. In short, anyone meeting him now would never guess his college years went the way they did. All of this without continuing therapy.”|</p>
<p>What’s wrong with a combination of the SSRI’s AND talk therapy? It doesn’t have to be one or the other.</p>
<p>No, Thumper, I am declaring the income!! Yikes. We wouldn’t even have income if I didn’t report it! I have no tax issues to clear up. You’re just going to have to take my word on that. You really have a suspicious mind. I promise, I’m not hiding anything! We have a Texas mailing address because it’s the only way to receive mail in this tiny town in the middle of nowhere. Since my son has the QB scholarship, it’s not even necessary for me to fill out forms dishonestly. </p>
<p>The rest of what you say, I heartily agree with.</p>
<p>Oh, and another point. I have a motivation for the US to believe I’m a full time resident in Mexico, and that’s Obamacare. We don’t have it. We have international health insurance.</p>
<p>Honestly, I got really sad and fearful when I read that. The young man sounds honestly traumatized at the thought of returning to Pomona and I am not sure that it makes sense to chalk that up to merely being unable to handle the pressure of the coursework and high expectations. I wonder why no one else was troubled by the fact that the student actually cries when the college’s name is mentioned in conversation.</p>
<p>I am very glad that his mother/the OP is making all the right moves here in terms of getting him counseling and working past this. I was also impressed that the son managed to find the strength/steel to withdraw properly from Pomona while he was going through the problems he had at first. Many students in similar circumstances are too overwhelmed to do that and they end up having a hard time because from the college’s perspective it is as if they simply disappeared rather than formally leaving.</p>
<p>SMA…but really…you are not a U.S. resident…you are not. </p>
<p>All that aside, I’ll say this again. Because your son will be 24, HIS residency is what matters if you are anticipating gaining instate residency status anywhere in the U.S. He will need to demonstrate that he has resided IN the state of residence for at least one year prior to classes starting. He does NOT live in the states anywhere now. Your tax filing status will have no bearing on HIM gaining instate residency status…anywhere.</p>
<p>Of course, if he attends a private university, none of this will matter at all.</p>
<p>Honestly, I can totally understand why a 24 year old would not want to return to a campus where the vast majority of students are 18-22 year olds.</p>
<p>Perhaps it would be better for him to start looking at options where more non-traditional students are completing their degrees. Many schools have evening programs for “adult” students who are returning to college, or are starting college. These classes tend to attract an older crowd. </p>
<p>No, I am not a US resident. I am a documented temporary resident of Mexico. </p>
<p>We don’t need instate residency. Another plus for returning to Pomona. As I said a few posts up, his friends in Mexico are no older than 22. Claremont is a big campus. I think it’s a plus that he’ll be less likely to lose himself in the party atmosphere. As for appearance, he still looks 16. :</p>
<p>My son is a resident of Florida. He is here on a tourist visa and he returns every six months to Florida, sometimes spending a few months with his grandmother, and then returning. </p>
<p>Thumper, there are different tax rules for expatriates, that is, U.S. citizens who live in other countries. Yes, they have a home state and a home address in the U.S. but they are not U.S. residents at the moment… There’s nothing illegal about that.</p>
<p>But I think you are correct that the son at age 24 doesn’t have a state residency for state u. admissions purposes right now.</p>
<p>It’s the same taxes. My temporary residence began in 2014. Before then, we were here on a tourist visa. Now we have a temporary residence visa. This also happens to be the year fines begin for residents who don’t purchase an Obamacare policy. </p>
<p>Having been an investigative accountant, I’m not getting professional auditor vibes from you. Where is this fixation on taxes coming from?</p>
<p>If you are a documented temporary Mexican resident with international health insurance, then why are you filing taxes as a resident of Florida (which you said you were doing upstream)? One would think you would be filing as a U.S. Resident living abroad. Maybe that is what you plan to do for 2014.</p>
<p>Whatever.</p>
<p>Good that your son has that instate residency in Florida. I would suggest that he look into a public university within commuting distance of his residence with his grandparents. </p>
<p>Because the last time we filed taxes I was a resident of Florida. Son still is. Again, he’s here on a tourist visa and returns to Florida every 6 months. </p>
<p>Public university within commuting distance of his grandmother would be his decision. Not yours or mine. He certainly is considering this as a possibility. </p>
<p>Then your son is in a good place residency wise in Florida for instate tuition purposes. Has he even considered a public university within commenting distance of his grandparents? That might be his best option. </p>
<p>Many public universities allow students to take up to a certain number of credits before they apply to matriculate…even as transfers. If he could take that amount of courses, and do well, he should be able to transfer in to that school to complete his degree…even with his withdrawal, and some poorer grades at Pomona.</p>
<p><<<<
First…I think you might want to get your U.S. tax filings in honest order. It sounds like you have been filing as residents when you are not residents. And it also sounds like you are not declaring this rental income on those taxes because you are pretending that the Florida residence is yours. I only say this needs to be straightened out because until it is, there is a huge chance your taxes will be flagged for verification in terms of need based aid. Sure, you have a Texas mailing address, and a Florida home. But you don’t LIVE in either place. I’m sorry but I find this tax filing you are doing to be dishonest. You are not current,y a resident of Florida…or Texas. Sorry, you live in Mexico.
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<p>the whole tax thing does appear to be a red flag. I don’t know how you can present yourselves as living at that Florida address while also claiming it’s a rental. The only way I know that could be done is if you are claiming that you live in Florida most of the time, travel elsewhere and live, and rent out your Florida home during the “few months” that you’re gone. but, in truth, you’re renting it out 12 months a year.</p>