Really unhappy at my school.

Parents Forum
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<p>Hi all. I don't come around here very often, but for some reason I really needed to vent. Not sure if this is the right place, so I apologize if this is taking up space on this forum.</p>

<p>I ended up going to my safety school, an in-state public with an affordable tuition, and have been here since this past fall. The education is fine, I am able to pay almost the entire tuition on my own with support from my parents, and I can commute pretty easily so I live off-campus to save more money. </p>

<p>The only thing is that, for some reason, I really hate being here. I don't know if I'm tired of school in general or if it's this particular one, but every time the week starts I find myself counting down the days until I can be done and have a break. It's exhausting on an almost emotional level. It wasn't anywhere near my first choice school, but I also made an effort not to go into the experience negatively, so I'm not trying to make myself hate it – in fact, I used to really like this school for a number of years before I came here. I'm trying to like it and give it time, but I don't feel like my opinion is going to improve.</p>

<p>I just don't like the people, or the atmosphere, and I feel so disconnected from my teachers and even the courses, whether I'm interested in the subject or not. The campus is beautiful, so that isn't the issue. It's driving me crazy because I have been excited about and worked towards college for a long time, like everyone, and having it fall so flat once I'm here is crushing. My priorities have changed a bit since then, and since the days of elite colleges and thinking I could go anywhere, but I still want to enjoy being at school. I know I should be grateful, though. I know. I am. There's only so much you can do before you realize that it just doesn't work for every person, though, right?</p>

<p>Really I just want to get out of here and go to any school that isn't in-state, even if it isn't top-tier. I feel like I need a breath of fresh air and just to be away from home, because it's stifling, honestly. I know that that isn't the point of college, and that you shouldn't pick a school because you're tired of being under mommy and daddy's rules. I'm not trying to rebel. I would just like the space and room to find my own, and maybe a school that I can actually appreciate, too. </p>

<p>Problem with that being that I can't afford to leave, at least if I wanted to go to a semi-decent school. Our income falls probably in the middle of middle-class, and being a transfer out-of-state just kills any chance of getting help financially. I was afraid of this happening when I accepted a place at this current school, becoming a transfer student. I would leave anyway, but I'm not sure if the debt is worth it.</p>

<p>Sorry, I don't really know what the point of this was. I just needed to get some of this out there. I think most of you who have seen me before probably saw this coming, but I didn't go about any of it the right way and left myself feeling trapped as a result. </p>

<p>Advice? Is any of this normal?</p>

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<p>Don’t apologize, this is exactly the right place. And no, there’s nothing wrong with you. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. </p>

<p>Based on your comments about emotional exhaustion and possibly being tired of school, I’m thinking you need a break. If you were to take a year’s leave, that would give you some time and perspective to do some thinking about your future, without making an irrevocable decision at this point. </p>

<p>In the meantime, are you doing anything to engage with other students? If not, you might look into joining a club or activity for the rest of this semester. It might make you feel more a part of the community, which might make you feel a little more positively about it.</p>

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<p>Is there anyway you can live on campus? The commute has to be part of the problem.</p>

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<p>You got some excellent advices on this thread:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1213652-my-parents-tuition-contribution-0-a.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1213652-my-parents-tuition-contribution-0-a.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>I wonder why you ended up at this school (don’t know what school)? With your parents’ income you could have received a lot of FA at some schools. You also had good stats. There was no reason why you couldn’t have gone to an OSS private. Even though you are in state, I would think you are eligible for more FA if you chose to live on campus. If you are not going to transfer, I think the first thing I would do is to look into living on campus for next year. Without knowing more about the school, it is hard to advise you if you should transfer. Hope you are keeping up with your grades so you could have more options. I would also focus on getting a marketable degree so you could get a job after college.</p>

<p>You maybe middle of middle class (whatever that means), but for college FA purpose, you could have received a lot of FA at many schools suggested by posters in the thread you started. I think if you would have stayed with the thread and came back for more help as you were getting your list together, you could have received a lot of helpful advice from posters here.</p>

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<p>Sorry your school choice did not turn out to be more satisfying. I agree with Oldfort, reread the various advice you got from the old thread. I saw on one you were interested in Film, which is a field that is flooded with a lot of competition, meaning it may be hard to get employed after you graduate. </p>

<p>However, in addition to the advice above, you could come up with your 4 year plan. Plan which school you would transfer to. You mentioned Calif in one post so truly investigate what would be involved in terms of cost to transfer and what requirements you could complete at your current school to avoid losing credits.</p>

<p>Focus on your 4 year plan so that you feel less disappointed with your current college.</p>

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<p>Problem with that being that I can’t afford to leave, at least if I wanted to go to a semi-decent school. Our income falls probably in the middle of middle-class, and being a transfer out-of-state just kills any chance of getting help financially. I was afraid of this happening when I accepted a place at this current school, becoming a transfer student. I would leave anyway, but I’m not sure if the debt is worth it.</p>

<p>You may need to take some time off of school for a bit since it seems like your morale is low. You won’t be able to borrow enough to go elsewhere because it would require qualified and willing borrowers. your parents earn about $50k and that’s not enough to qualify to co-sign large loans. Besides, paying back those large loans will make your young adult life as miserable as you are now.</p>

<p>I wonder why you ended up at this school (don’t know what school)? With your parents’ income you could have received a lot of FA at some schools</p>

<p>I’m just guessing but it sounds like the parents wouldn’t have paid their EFC and she likely didn’t get accepted to schools that “meet need”. So, even if she was given a good bit of aid, the remaining balance wouldn’t be covered. Her aid would have already included student loans, so she couldn’t have used a Stafford loan to go towards EFC or any gap. </p>

<p>this is a common problem for kids like this. Getting a nice aid pkg isn’t enough when there’s still EFC and/or gap to cover.</p>

<p>You haven’t been able to properly “set aside” your disappointment in regards to going away to school. That’s the underlying factor here. </p>

<p>Even trying to transfer to a lower ranking private in another state won’t work out. Those schools don’t have the aid to give out, especially to transfer students. </p>

<p>What is your major?</p>

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<p>m2c - you seem to be a FA guru. A kid with family income of 50K (on a good day) with 6 kids, how much aid do you think this kid could have gotten at schools like Barnard, Mount Holyoke, Smith, Trinity College, Pittsburg…I think she was top 5-10% with 29 ACT. This is a bit of could have/should have, but she probably could have gotten into Cornell with her stats if she had applied to the right school within Cornell. [Film</a> & Media Production Course Sequence](<a href=“http://pma.cornell.edu/academics/undergraduate/film.cfm]Film”>http://pma.cornell.edu/academics/undergraduate/film.cfm)
If OP’s GPA at her current school is high enough, why not apply for transfer to Cornell. If accepted, she’ll be able to get full FA.</p>

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<p>Another vote here for a leave of absence. Take a break from the academic life, work or pursue an internship in your projected career field, and think about your longer-range future. Many of the gap year activities such as City Year might be options, and could give you a change of scene.</p>

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<p>I think OP may have taken a gap year already. I could be wrong, read her other posts very quickly.</p>

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<p>Only a couple more weeks until spring break. Maybe a little time off will be refreshing?</p>

<p>Have you approached your professors for advice/discussion? It will take some effort on your part to connect with profs at a big school–keep trying.<br>
If you are doing well academically and financially, try to look at those very positive aspects of your experience-- instead of wasting energy being dissatisfied and thinking about other potential opportunities (which wouldn’t be perfect, either).</p>

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<p>Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~ Abraham Lincoln</p>

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<p>My undergraduate school had a large commuter population and a fairly close-minded and seemingly undermotivated student body with little on-campus activity. My major, coupled with my parents’ stipulation that I live at home, limited my school choices. Realizing that there was little that I could change, I focussed on forging closer relations with our professors, which eventually included mentoring, socializing at professors’ homes, referrals to internships, and strong letters of recommendations for grad school. I found that many professors were eager to befriend students, and at my school, many students weren’t that interested in their classes or their professors.</p>

<p>I later went to HYP grad school, and found my professors to be more aloof and far less interested in mentoring and student development than my provincial undergrad university.</p>

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<p>carriewrites --</p>

<p>No need to apologize. We all need to vent our frustrations sometime. I think you should get some good advice here on the parent forum. IMO, it sounds like you’re heart just isn’t in college right now. Perhaps take some time off to reassess things.</p>

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<p>Perhaps you should read this story in another thread to get some perspective.
“In China, Betting It All on a Child in College”
<a href=“In China, Families Bet It All on a Child in College - The New York Times”>In China, Families Bet It All on a Child in College - The New York Times;

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<p>I like the OP’s post more than the NYT article and I don’t see how it would help her.</p>

<p>I think you should not give up and keep a positive attitude. Things will get better.</p>

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<p>I think you need to move out of your parents home… honestly, there comes an age where you really NEED to just have some independence. If there is any way you can find to move on campus or even into your own place off campus, DO IT. I love my parents dearly, but there came a time in my life that living with them just did not work anymore. I think you are there, and it’s keeping you from “connecting” with your university and from having college experiences that are just as vital to your education as going to class.</p>

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<p>I would second the recommendation to move out on your own. It might be the root of your unhappiness. See what happens.</p>

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<p>* A kid with family income of 50K (on a good day) with 6 kids*</p>

<p>I hadn’t seen the family size earlier, but know that I look at past posts, the family has 4 kids, not 6 (just to clarify). But, I agree, that the EFC would be low, but if the student doesn’t get into a “full need school,” the gap might be too much since loans would already be in the FA pkg. </p>

<p>An ACT 29 is a good score. However getting accepted to schools that give full aid with an ACT 29 is not a given. Although I didn’t read all her posts, it looks like she did apply to some and wasn’t accepted.</p>

<p>If homelife is less than ideal (but not abusive) then why not spend as much time away from home? Study in the school library, work a job, be with friends. Use home as just a place to sleep and shower. </p>

<p>It sounds like her loans are covering her tuition/books…so maybe no money for an apt or dorm.</p>

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<p>I don’t think it is helpful to tell the OP that she should have made a different chice based on aother thread way back when. She is where she is for whatever reason and it doesn’t really matter why at this point. The issue is the here and now - do you stay or do you go is really the true issue. My suggestion is to look at transfer options. First, look at your other in state options. Most states have several choices with very different “feels” Perhaps you could find a different option within your own state that would be affordable for you to attend. Then look at out of state options that may offer you an affordable package. Now is the time to be applying to schools. You can always apply and see what your offers end up being then make your decision. Worse thing that happens is you pay a few dollars for application fees and don’t get a package good enough to move and you end up staying where you are. Best thing is you get a good package that allows you to move someplace you enjoy more. Either way, stick with it and before you know it you will be done and will have earned your degree and you can move on with your life. In my opinion that next phase will be much easier if it isn’t laden with too much college debt.</p>

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<p>Thank you for the support, everyone.</p>

<p>@oldfort et al. - The school I’m going to right now is University of Colorado, Boulder. That might help give some context as far as what the school is like… which, right now, seems like it lives up to its reputation pretty well. It’s probably one of the better options available in my state, and it is pretty well ranked as far as education goes, but it is quite large and a lot of people seem to be here just because they ‘have to be’. I guess that and the vibe here kind of factor into my reluctance to move on campus. Off-campus but closer by, maybe?</p>

<p>@mom2collegekids - That’s more or less how the FA packages went. I did get a couple that were excellent, but it still wasn’t enough for a) the total price of the school and b) the gap that was left after the fact. I think it boils down to the fact that I just wasn’t smart when it came to picking schools and understanding which ones could offer me better financial backing than others.</p>

<p>Currently, I’m an English major.</p>

<p>@granipc et al. - Moving out sounds ideal. The only thing I worry about is that I would have to start taking out loans if I did, since so far I have been able to pay my full tuition. Of course loans are going to happen sometime. I just can’t decide if THIS school is worth getting into debt over so early in the year. But I could be wrong.</p>

<p>I’m thinking about looking into some transfer options, at least to get some ideas. I’m just afraid that it will be disappointment all over again.</p>