<p>I'm sorry if this has been discussed previously, but I did a search and couldn't find anything.</p>
<p>What is the proper etiquette when it comes to teacher/counselor/principal recommendations? Specifically, is it OK to request copies of the recommendations, or is that taboo?</p>
<p>Taboo. The applications generally have a space where you sign a waiver of right to see the recs. Some teachers do offer a chance to see the recs, but I have never heard of proacively asking to see them. Transcripts are different--there the student has something of an obligation to self to make sure information is correct.</p>
<p>OK. That makes sense, but just thought I would ask.</p>
<p>If you are concerned about what the teacher may write, your student's best bet is to ask the teacher up-front,"I would like you to write......etc., and was wondering if you would be able to give me a strong recommendation, or if I should ask someone else." And the teacher should respect the question and concern, and respond honestly.
I believe that colleges know whether you have asked to see the actual recommendations......perhaps via the waiver mentioned by Mattmom...and it is not viewed positively.</p>
<p>Usually taboo...However, all of my D's recommendations were copied for her to read by the writer. Just depends who is writing them; but, I wouldn't ask if not offered.</p>
<p>I agree with what Chocoholic said. I would approach the teacher by asking if they would feel comfortable writing a rec for you. I am an educator and the child of two educators and you'd be amazed how many kids ask for recs that make poor choices. My father had a student who skipped his class frequently ask for a rec. My mother had a student who fell asleep in her class ask for a job rec. (They are both at the college level). If the teacher agrees to it, then I would assume it is positive and not worry about the exact wording. I typically give my students a copy of ones I write so they can read it and put it in their portfolio if they are keeping one. However, not all teachers choose to do this.</p>
<p>It's considered bad form to ask teachers to see a copy, like you don't trust them, and if you don't, they're not the ones to ask anyway. Most kids know who which of their teachers are most likely to write them a good rec.</p>
<p>Thanks for all of your great feedback.</p>
<p>I asked this question in reference to a rec the principal wrote about DS for his TASP application.</p>
<p>What I'm concerned about, and the lesson I've learned, is that the rec address the strengths of the applicant relative to what the college/program values (or at least is perceived to value). </p>
<p>My son's first choice was a program dealing with Islam and, had we been thinking, we would have requested that the prinicipal verify and support that DS is very interested in comparative religion and has demonstrated this in certain activities; not that the interest was new and self-serving so as to gain admission to the program. I'm not sure that was made clear to the principal and was just curious as to whether she addressed it.</p>
<p>Lesson learned for the future.</p>
<p>That is why when your son asks for recommendations in the future he can include a list of activities he has participated in and a list of his interests and why he is applying to this school etc. It helps teachers write references.</p>
<p>I think it is also bad form for a teacher to agree to write a rec if she doesn't think it will be helpful. Otherwise she might suggest that you ask someone who knows you better or come up with some other polite excuse.</p>
<p>A separate question: ls it OK to make a small gift to a teacher, counsellor, or principal who was helpful with a successful application process? If so, should it wait until the end of the school year to avoid any impropriety?</p>
<p>Do you define "successful application process" as an acceptance letter?</p>
<p>IMHO, if you're giving a gift it should occur regardless of the outcome.</p>
<p>My D gave small personalized gifts to the teachers who wrote her recs. before the December break. They were done writing the recs, but we had not yet received acceptances :)
I prefer to show gratitude right away, but obviously not while asking for the recs.</p>
<p>Sorry. Meant to say smooth, efficient, pleasant application process.</p>
<p>My S had the same two teachers write recommendations for all six applications. The last one was a last minute, let's do an in-state college just in case application. When he asked for the last, rush recommendation he brought with him a small (very small) box of chocolates. he knew they would be sending copies of letters they had already written and he knows both teachers really well, and they approached him about writing his recs for him...he's kind of shy...we know they were both excellent...if you don't know the teachers as well a small something once decisions start coming in might be nice. even a hand written thank you note is more then some teachers get.</p>
<p>Nobody thinks waiting until the end of the year is called for?</p>
<p>What I had my DD do was approach the person who the recommendation was going to be provided by and (1) request a meeting (2) at the meeting she brought her resume and elaborated on those things which she had accomplished over her 3 years of school (3) ask the potential recommender if they thought they would be able to add to the intent of her resume by providing a good recommendation? </p>
<p>I think this does several things:
1- it gives the recommender some insite to your intentions
2- it gives the recommender information which they might not have been privy to prior to the meeting
3- it provides the two individuals a chance to look into each others eyes and read the body language messages (good & bad) to see if they're both serious
4- it give the recommender a chance to provide further input or insight on other people who might be able to better influence the intent of the applicant without looking like a jerk </p>
<p>It works.. it is real world.. and professionalism goes a long way.</p>
<p>At my school, students are not supposed to see recommendations unless the teachers themselves offer to show. However, I kind of, um, peeked on a recommendation letter I was sending, only to find it full of grammatical errors and adressing the wrong thing (admission to college as opposed to receiving as scholar, as I had asked). Unfortunately, I cannot confront the teacher about it, as I went against the policy, but needless to say, I am extremely disappointed. Unfortunately, I also sent it to my top choice school, not knowing about all of the errors.</p>
<p>Does anybody know the legal and practical rules in regard to confidential student information, officially waiving the right to see recommendations, etc.?</p>
<p>My son and daughter's teachers - at 2 different public high schools - both gave them copies of their recs. </p>
<p>I wasn't part of the process so I don't know how the kids went about asking. My son now claims that he told his teachers to be honest and go right ahead and tell the colleges what a pain-in-the-rear he was -- he certainly did come to life in the letters that were written for him -- but my point is that that this practice certainly did NOT result in whitewashed recommendations. </p>
<p>My d's college counselor also emailed her a copy of his rec when she requested it - it was really cool. He'd asked teachers who were not writing d' recs to supply him with a short paragraph describing her, and then included excerpts from their comments. It kind of looked like a movie ad with little quotes from reviewers. </p>
<p>My d's teachers even gave her copies of the forms they filled out for the college, indicating how they ranked her various qualities. Reading the recs, I was able to figure out why it is that one teacher whom she really likes doesn't seem to reciprocate -- the recommendation was very positive, but reading between the lines I now see that the particular teacher thinks my daughter is too pushy. (Her recs are filled with words describing her as "ambitious" and "assertive".) I can see how those qualities didn't mesh too well with the teacher's laid back style -- and at the same time my guess is that the top colleges want kids who are the go-getter types with strong personalities. </p>
<p>There was one big surprise -- a teacher that my daughter had a particularly testy in-class relationship with ended up writing a letter filled with lavish praise - definitely a "dream" letter singing my daughter's praises. It was honest, too -- my daughter was always challenging what the teacher said and was a leader in class debates, and it turns out in the end that the teacher really respected her for that. (Though at the time it just seemed that sparks flew every time my d. opened her mouth in class). </p>
<p>So basically, if there is a "taboo" anywhere, I'm glad that it doesn't apply where we live. </p>
<p>I have a feeling that the situation may be different between public/private schools. Public school teachers probably develop very thick skins early on, and are less likely to be worried about pleasing parents -- so there's no particular reason to hide the letter.</p>
<p>I have some concern that teachers and counsellors at schools that do not generally get students admitted to top schools err in one of two directions. Either they think the top student is uppity (for aiming higher than "state u") or they think she is a sure thing. </p>
<p>A related point -- from anything other than a top feeder school, it may take a "one of the best in my career" rec. to have an real impact. A string of 4's and 5's out of 5 in check boxes could be the kiss of death (some exaggeration here, I hope).</p>