Rejected from prospective dorm. What to do?

Parents Forum
41

<p>

</p>

<p>You’re not my pastor, my mom, or my psychiatrist. I’ve said it before that if people don’t like my posts, they can choose not to read and respond to them. On the other hand, I don’t want posts that refuse to consider my personal situation, repeat the same disparaging remarks over and over, or outright mock me. I get it, I’m not a starving subharan baby, I’m a spoiled suburban teenage brat. Literally the worst kind of person. But this is a message board. If you don’t want to listen to me ever, you can add me to your block list. I was hoping to come here for some empathy and to receive some constructive advice, some of which has been very helpful. But judging me for not being able to “get over things” fast enough and making assumptions about my life isn’t.</p>

<p>You know, not getting into this dorm isn’t the greatest deal in the whole span of things, but it was one of the reasons I was finally coming to terms with going to school. So why shouldn’t I have the right to be upset with this? Unless I don’t have the right to be upset at all?</p>

<p>I 100% realize my feelings about the situation aren’t the most logical at all. But feelings have nothing to do with rationality, and telling me repeatedly to “just get over it” over the internet aren’t going to change them.</p>

42

<p>Since it doesn’t seem to be clear to anyone, there are a lot of things I have to consider in addition to getting over things in regards to my rejection:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Should I contact the dorm director to talk about the factors that led to my rejection? What about for info about other housing issues?</p></li>
<li><p>Should I sign up for interview guidance?</p></li>
<li><p>Should I bother to sign up for a different specialized dorm? What about signing up for this dorm for a later year?</p></li>
<li><p>What sort of factors do I need to consider in order to make my interviews go better in the future? </p></li>
</ol>

<p>But talking about these things clearly should be ignored in favor of repeating “JUST GET OVER IT!!!” again and again, right?</p>

43

<p>Chaosakita-I know you posted this looking for advice. You got some but yet also seem to have in mind what you are going to do anyway. I understand that-I do the same thing.</p>

<p>At this point-it seems like all this thread is doing is causing you stress and making you lash out at those who are offering some insight.</p>

<p>I would suggest, stop looking at this thread or at least replying to it. Do what you have in mind to get the answers you need from the people you need them from, and have a plan B for your living arrangement. Even if you live somewhere other than your first choice-it will be what YOU make it to be. It could be a great experience. And in the grand scheme of things, it is such a small timeframe in your life. Make the most of what you are given.</p>

<p>Good luck to you and hoping your days have as little stress as possible.</p>

44

<p>

</p>

<p>Thanks for the response! It’s true I already have my mind decided already, but I was still looking for additional feedback about my next course of action. However, it seems that people would rather berate me for being disappointed and upset about something. </p>

<p>Again, here is my course of action:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>I am going to try to talk with the dorm director about my rejection, other dorm options, and whether I should bother applying again in a later year. I will also ask to see if it would be possible for me to stay in the dorm if anyone is unable to occupy it.</p></li>
<li><p>I will try to see if I can’t apply to a similar dorm.</p></li>
<li><p>I will eventually in the near future talk with the interview specialist.</p></li>
</ol>

45

<p>Chaosakita, if the way you lashed out at GA2012 is indicative of how you interact with people, then it is no wonder that you will continue to have interpersonal issues. You’ve already talked about how you have a larger than life personality. You ask people for help, they offer perspective, and you lash out. I’ve seen it in several threads now. It seems like you often feel misunderstood and angry. I really think you should talk to a therapist or counselor of some sort to process your feelings. Good luck.</p>

46

<p>New word of the day: perseverating. Look it up.</p>

<p>Chaos, I did not intend my comments to offend you. But you have decided that anyone who does not agree with your “course of action” is clearly trying to diss you, or somehow has a malevolent intent. I am trying to point out that you have already spent time getting aggravated over a situation which doesn’t warrant it; moreover, since you’ve posted that your other options for housing next year are limited due to lack of an obvious roommate candidate, it strikes me that investing yet MORE time (meeting with the dorm director) in an avenue that won’t pay off for you is not a wise investment.</p>

<p>While you are getting mad at me, and arranging meetings with the dorm director, and getting snippy with posters on this board, there are nice and fun kids with whom you probably have lots in common, who are going about their daily life on campus. You aren’t meeting them. You aren’t having coffee with them. You aren’t inviting them to see a cool or weird movie that the film society is showing tonight, or seeing if they want to go to a poetry slam (or whatever you are interested in trying) this weekend.</p>

<p>So look up the word of the day. While you are endlessly lashing out trying to find a reason for your rejection, the rest of your life is passing by your window. You strike me as a fun and interesting person-- I’m sure with some time invested in your social life, you will soon be too busy to take the normal slights and annoyances of life so seriously.</p>

<p>I know lots of adults- some of whom have grave disappointments about their college years- and none of them cite living in the wrong dorm as one of them. So get yourself squared away with housing and then go experience college life.</p>

<p>And no, making a comment (whether a joke, unintentional, etc.) which is perceived as disparaging is never a good way to kick off a relationship/interview. So now you’ve learned that lesson.</p>

47

<p>I would suggest you do the interview training BEFORE you have any further interviews.</p>

<p>For the life of me…I can’t imagine why you would want to live in a dorm where you were not selected by the peers to live.</p>

<p>I agree…it’s a dorm. Many kids don’t get their first choice dorms as sophomores. You are not the only rising sophomore who will not get their first choice dorm or dorm room.</p>

48

<p>Lots of good advice here, whether it is appreciated or not.Its not all that different from being rejected by one’s first choice school. It stings, but there are fortunately other options.</p>

<p>Its fine to meet with the dorm director and ask for constructive feedback as to what you could improve on in your interview skills. And its fine to inquire if there is a waiting list or opportunity to fill in one semester for someone doing a semester abroad. But if you come across as defensive, as you have at times here, it is best not to meet with him and just follow the old Marx Brothers “any club that would accept me I wouldnt want to be a member of” adage. Its a learning experience. No one likes rejection- but its important to learn to manage it so that it doesnt tear you up.</p>

49

<p>Plus, is this issue REALLY worth staying up all night and posting about? In my opinion, no.</p>

50

<p>Just reiterating what has been said in your 100’s of other posts, it would be in your best interest to meet with a counselor on campus to figure out why you don’t fit in…your life will be a lot easier. You come here, ask for advice, then when you don’t like what is said you act like a 2 year old that didn’t get the candy at the store. Like jym626 said, you need to learn how to deal with rejection because for the rest of your life, these situations will happen over and over again.</p>

51

<p>moderator’s note : I have deleted some posts about which complaints have been received.</p>

<p>If OP keeps lashing out at all posters she is not happy with, this thread will be closed.</p>

52

<p>Chaos,</p>

<p>If you have not talked to the director yet, I urge you to think carefully before you do. I’m concerned, that while all of this is still fresh, that it might just make your situation worse. It seems you have already made up your mind to do this. If you actually do, be sure to ask questions, and listen to answers without arguing or defending. Consider it an opportunity to learn about how your presentation may have been received, whether it was your intention or not. My guess is that if you talked to the head of the dorm who first agreed to discuss it with you, and then later declined…SOMEONE told him not to discuss it with you. If that’s true, then there is currently discussion centered around you, and your presentation AT THIS POINT will either reinforce or weaken previous opinions. Make SURE you can hold it together well enough to not reinforce negative opinions.</p>

<p>You had some questions:</p>

<ol>
<li>Should I contact the dorm director to talk about the factors that led to my rejection? What about for info about other housing issues?</li>
</ol>

<p>Asked and answered - I think not about the rejection. I would stick to asking about options moving forward.</p>

<ol>
<li>Should I sign up for interview guidance?</li>
</ol>

<p>ABSOLUTELY - and maybe a therapist too, just to help with hashing out social situations.</p>

<ol>
<li>Should I bother to sign up for a different specialized dorm? What about signing up for this dorm for a later year?</li>
</ol>

<p>Sure you can try! :slight_smile: Talk over options with the housing director and see what he/she recommends. </p>

<ol>
<li>What sort of factors do I need to consider in order to make my interviews go better in the future?</li>
</ol>

<p>ALWAYS put your best foot forward. ALWAYS consider any interview a “real” interview. They’re evaluating you. That means, say nothing derogatory about anyone or anything associated with the organization you’re interviewing with - in fact, don’t say negative things at all. Keep it very positive, very upbeat. Smile, think, connect, etc. And go back to get some interview help. That’s a good idea.</p>

<p>Good luck, Chaos! I hope you get it figured out and come out with a solution that makes you happy in the end.</p>

53

<p>Further update: </p>

<ol>
<li><p>I have received an email from the interview counselor about what time to meet up next week. Apparently, I was mistaken. He is not a general interview counselor, but rather only handles interviews for the dorm. He says he will not be free until next week, but he is getting back as to when I will contact him. However, he said he heard from my interviewer and the interview, but says he will be focusing on the general, so I am interested in seeing what he has to say.</p></li>
<li><p>The housing director for the dorm has not gotten back to me yet about meeting up with her.</p></li>
<li><p>I will start working on my application for the next dorm today. It’s only a 500 word essay, so it shouldn’t be too time consuming.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>And yeah, I guess I’m very heard headed, because I got cut at rush earlier this semester, but I’m still planning on doing COB during the fall and formal rush again during the spring if that doesn’t work out. Oh well.</p>

<p>Also, I currently do have a psychiatrist, but the only real things I’ve accomplished with him are getting ADHD testing (I apparently tested positive a couple of years back unbeknownst to me, but he wanted me retested) and taking anti-anxiety meds. But I stopped because they were giving me crazy insomnia and nausea.</p>

54

<p>Chaos, good - I hope it goes well with the interview counselor. Give the housing director a little time, it’s a busy time right now. Good luck at rush. Have you thought about doing some things that don’t require an acceptance/rejection step? Get involved in some groups or activities that anyone can participate in? The reason I ask is that given recent disappointments have kind of piled up, it might be encouraging to string together some positive successes that you can point to and say, “That was fun…that did not suck, and it was useful, and I did a good job.” Those experiences tend to breed MORE of those experiences and eventually make you happier.</p>

<p>Good that you’re seeing a psychiatrist, but I would also suggest a therapist/life-coach person. These are two very different things, and they serve different purposes. It can be difficult to find an anti-anxiety med that works for you sans terrible side-effects. ADHD meds might be the ticket. Seriously consider adding the therapist. Ask your psychiatrist what he thinks about it and if he can recommend someone!</p>

55

<p>chaosakita -</p>

<p>It sounds as though your first year of school has had a few let downs. I’m sorry it’s been a rough transition. Going to college is built up as a big, wonderful experience. If your own doesn’t match that it can be a let down. The truth is very few people have that idyllic first year of college. Transition is tough, even if people look like they’ve got it all together from the outside, everyone’s trying to figure it out in varying degrees.</p>

<p>When you meet with the interview counselor I would focus on general and not push for specifics. That’s not going to change or solve anything at this point. What you want out of this is to learn how to present yourself in the best light. Often they offer ‘mock’ interviews. That might be helpful as they could give you direct feedback from what they see, both your strengths and ways to improve.</p>

<p>IMO, I would not pursue following up with the housing director from the first dorm. You’ve gotten some feedback already. If you’re going to enquire about space if someone goes abroad, etc. I would caution against that. In dorm communities such as you are describing they interview for fit. The residents are interviewing who they want to be potential dorm mates. Everyone who applies gets the same application and interview to present themselves, then decisions are made. From this the dorm tends to have an ‘identity’. Even with this within the dorm there can be cliques. If you are allowed to come in after having been turned down initially you very much risk not being accepted very well into the dorm community. You may ‘live’ there, but not feel welcomed by everyone. I’m not saying this will happen, but you have to be prepared that it may…that you’d be known as the student who went over the selection committees head to try and get a spot.</p>

<p>Beginning work on finding another housing option is the right thing to do. You may find completing and submitting the application makes you feel better. I’m not saying it will take away the hurt you feel about missing out on the first dorm, but being proactive about making other plans can be empowering and that positive step is often a good feeling.</p>

<p>Working with a psychiatrist who only prescribes you meds but does not offer therapy only hits one side of treatment. A psychologist, therapist, or counselor who will offer talk therapy and help you with goals and talk through some of the things that are causing you stress is just as important. Does your psychiatrist know your meds caused side effects you couldn’t tolerate and you’re no longer taking them? He may be able to prescribe something else.</p>

<p>I wish you the best of luck and hope that you are able to secure housing quickly for next year.</p>

<p>edit: crossed posts with cromett, GMTA ;)</p>

56

<p>Haven’t read all the posts here, but just wanted to add that D1 was not placed in her preferred dorm freshman year (Honors STEM) and she felt the world had ended and was going to appeal after she moved in the assigned dorm. In addition, on paper, her assigned roommate did not look like a good match because of planned major and HS activities. Fast forward a few weeks, she & roommate are BFFs and remain so. (they did not room together sophomore year, but still see each other regularly). </p>

<p>Morale of story: your life will be fine. make new friends where you are placed.</p>

57

<p>Imo, for this age group, the right psychiatrist will counsel as well as prescribe- and fine tuning the meds is part of the deal. Some meds need time to kick in, some only work at a certain pace initiailly, then need to be reviewed. Some have side effects like sleep interference- which the doc can deal with and should be informed of. But, one other important thing- for this age group, a psychiatrist who specializes in college-age can be perticularly in tune with what the age group goes through. Been there with D2. The difference in her life is a blessing. I don’t wish anyone to go through the ups and downs when they suffer from that. Sometimes, it does take another person to point out the patterns. And, prod about the next step.</p>

<p>ps. imo, when people (here, the dorm guy,) say they can only discuss in general, it’s a flag that they will not get specific or reveal anything intended to be kept confidential.</p>

58

<p>lookingforward, some psychiatrists do a great job with counseling, some actually PREFER to hand in-depth counseling/life-coaching over to someone else. That’s why I suggested that Chaos actually ask the psychiatrist about it, and ask for a referral if appropriate.</p>

59

<p>

</p>

<p>Do all dorms at Vanderbilt require applications? Having to write a 500 word essay is something, especially since Vanderbilt is one of the few colleges that does not require an applicant to write an essay. It sound like it is more work to get into a dorm than to get into Vanderbilt.</p>

60

<p>True, cromette. It can be hard for some kids to have to be the link between two counselors, work fine for others. Or sometimes the two pro’s communicate with each other. Many psychologists and LICSWs will smply refer for the meds aspect. But, what matters most to me is that you have a pro who truly clicks with the specific concerns of this age group (and with this kid.) We learned that the hard way.</p>

<p>The dorm app is usually when there is a theme to some dorms- eg, at one school I know, the 'community service" oriented dorm requires you describe your experiences.</p>