relationship help

I am a freshman in college, while my significant other has another year of High school left. We were together for about 2 years, with a few bumps a long the way. A year ago I decided we should take a break, and to this day I’m not exactly sure the reasoning behind my decision. Weather feelings were lost or the spark wasn’t there anymore, I thought it would be best to just have a break. About a month or so later we got back together. I realized how good I had it, and I realized this girl is one of a kind. Ever sense then, we have been going strong, even as I went off to college about 30 minutes from her. She is one of the most caring, respectful, hard-working, intelligent, and loving women I’ve ever met in my young life. We loved each other very much, and even though we are kind of young, we shared a ton in common and really had a strong connection. We both play sports and are quiet good at it. But that also means we have very busy schedules. We made it work though, seeing each other a lot, weather it be me driving home to see her or her driving to my college. Recently we have been bickering a lot and fighting… Weather it be from a change in our communication (not as much texting/calling) or me having jealousy issues. She decided it would be best if we broke up, take some time apart from eachother, and see what happens. Her reasoning was that we are in different places in our lives. Me being in college, and her still having a year of high school. I somewhat understand that…we go from seeing eachother everyday in high school and now I’m off living a completely different life in college. I’m experiencing a lot of new things, while she is still stuck in living the high school life. The thing I don’t understand about that however is why it matters so much, and why it stresses her out so much. I don’t think I have changed personality wise… I don’t party and hardly drink; we see eachother a lot more than we thought we would. Relationships at our age are about having fun, being supportive of eachother, and loving eachother unconditionally. The fact that I’m off in college shouldn’t change any of that. right? Granted, I’m not in her position, so I cant act like I should know, I just find it hard to understand what the big deal about that is, and she hasn’t really been able to answer that for me at this point. We still both love eachother very much, given that we were so crazy for eachother. She emphasizes that she doesn’t want me to have a hope that we may get back together, because if it doesn’t happen that is unfair. She emphasizes on working on having a strong friendship for now, which is hard for me but I think it’s for the best at this time. She is a firm believer that God has a plan for everyone, and if we are meant to be, we will be together again. I believe that as well. I believe we have so much more left to experience with eachother, so much left in the tank. It’s not like we had an event like cheating or anything that can potentially ruin the love we have. The love has not changed for me, and for her (so she says). So in this time off from eachother, I’ve come to some realizations about myself that has to do with our relationship. First is my jealousy problem. I’ve always been super jealous when she talks to other boys or anything along that line. I even made the comment that when she goes off to college (3 hours away) I would be jealous when she meets all these new guys and maybe hangs out with them. I’ve come to realize that is nonsense. She is the most loyal person I’ve ever met; she hasn’t done anything for me to question that over our 2 years. I’ve realized I just need to get over myself and let her do what she wants, because of her loyalty and the trust I have for her. My second realization has to do with her believing we are holding eachother back from experiences in our life. She thinks she holds me back from getting the full college experience. I disagree big time. As I said before, I don’t party and rarely drink. That would not change even if I were not in a relationship. I haven’t held myself back from meeting new people and hanging out with them. I’ve even possibly made a couple of life-long best friends already! I’m not sure if she believes me when I tell her that though. But then I can’t disagree with the fact I’m holding her back from high school experience. As any college boy, I don’t want anything to do with high school; there fore I chose not to go to prom or anything that had to do with high school. She says I’ve held her back from hanging out with friends, which she never told me, which is unfair to say to me. So I’ve realized that I need to stop being selfish and stop holding her back from these high school experiences. If she wants to do something like prom, I need to do it, for her.

These realizations can only be for good cause if we end up getting back together. I am so confident in myself that I can change for the better of our relationship, but we still have to get back together to prove that.

I’ve been struggling immensely with our break up. I find myself constantly thinking about her, looking at her social media activity, losing sleep, unable to concentrate on school, and constantly wanting to reach out to her. I get out and do fun things with my friends, weather that be playing my sport, working out, hanging with friends, and going out to eat. And while that helps temporarily, I always end up going back to thinking about everything, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I so badly want and wish for us to have one last go around, just because of the love we still have for eachother, knowing how amazing our relationship has been and potentially can be, and because of the realizations I have made that can positively change the way we are together. I hope she realizes what she has, as I did a year before with our break, and decides she wants us. I have so much hope, but I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, because it may end up just being a major let down if it does not work out.

And once again, she hasn’t completely ruled out getting back together. She says if we are meant to be or in gods plan to be together, it will happen, she is confident in that. She just doesn’t want me to have some hope because it may not happen still. All my friends who know our relationship tell me that they think we definitely will get back together just because of how crazy we are for eachother, which gives me some hope, but I’m also so scared of a major let down in the future.

If anyone has any suggestions for me, or any insight to maybe what she is thinking with some things, I would so greatly appreciate that. And thank you very much for taking the time to read this.

Long distance is very hard.
Transitioning a relationship from high school to college is very hard.
Having one person in high school and one person in college is very hard.

You were trying to do all these things at the same time, which is a perfect storm. You’re at the point in your life where you’re both going to be changing, maturing, developing a lot. I was not the same person when I graduated as when I started. Being together in high school is very easy and comfortable. Unfortunately being long distance OR going to college puts a real, enormous test on the relationship. I know it sucks. It’s terrible. I’m sure you were honestly great together. But you’re both going through a huge life change right now. My advice is to go no contact and not hold out hope. Trying to be friends and continuing to talk to each other is going to make it more painful. If you get back together, GREAT! However, for your own sanity, you need to treat this as a breakup and not a break. Take some time to grieve. Then branch out. Go out, meet girls, spend a lot of time with your friends. You got this.