<p>This might sound like a stupid question, but if you could help me out it would really mean a lot. For those of you who have had relationships with people at Duke or State while at UNC, how difficult was it? How often could you see each other?</p>
<p>I'm going to UNC and my boyfriend is most likely going to Duke as an engineering major. We've been together for several years and we're trying to figure out what to do. I think there's absolutely no reason to not try at least, especially since the schools are so close. He thinks that it would be really hard and that we would see each other even less than we do now (normally about 2 days a week on the weekend, sometimes for a few hours one day after school because we've been at different schools throughout high school). I know lots of people date at other schools and I can't imagine it's as hard as he thinks it is.</p>
<p>Thanks for any help you can give me. Please don't be negative because I've already thought of anything you can think of and I'm just asking for your experiences.</p>
<p>You can make it work if you want it to. If he’s saying it’s too hard, then he probably just wants to break up with you but doesn’t have the guts to say it in a more direct way. My roommate’s boyfriend goes to Wake Tech, and they see each other 1-2 a week and he stays overnight 1-2 a month. They’ve definitely made it work. </p>
<p>Duke/UNC would be even easier, IMO, because you have the Robertson bus that goes back and forth. It’s, what, 20-30 minutes away via bus? You could totally see each other as often as you have time. You can even take classes at Duke, so you could easily take a class or two and be able to eat lunch with him M/W/F or something. :)</p>
<p>Duke is very easy. The bus is free, and goes every half hour up until about 9pm. You could probably see him more then than you do now. You could join a club together at Duke (or UNC) and spend time together that way, too.</p>
<p>I know this isn’t what you want to hear but…I kind of agree with ArtemisDea…it sounds to me like “guy speak” for him not wanting to be in a relationship when he heads off to Duke.</p>
<p>That said, starting freshman year in an existing relationship can really hamper your freshman experience…all too often people in existing relationships (even on the same campus but especially when at different schools) spend too much time with each other and don’t get involved on campus and really don’t build friendships and relationships at their own schools. </p>
<p>If and when the relationship ends (and they often/usually do) they find themselves somewhat lost and isolated and without a strong support system in place. I’ve seen it happen first hand and also with friends of both of my children.</p>
<p>If he’s sending that strong of a message, I’d be getting prepared to see things end. You can start fresh at UNC…on your own terms and on your own timetable. If it is really is meant to be in the long run, the absence and distance will actually cement things, not tear them apart. A little shared wisdom from someone who has been there, and done that. ;)</p>
<p>He isn’t insisting on anything actually. When I talked to him, he hadn’t really thought about it and this was just the first thing he thought. He said he would consider staying together when he actually figured out what he wants. And I know that it is much more practical for us to break up but I don’t really want to give up on us yet. And neither of us really has strong support systems now outside each other - I was hoping that we could make it long enough into the school year that I would have a better support system in college if/when we break up rather than being miserable all summer.</p>
<p>Oftentimes the fact that you start school in the relationship can inhibit building that support system…just something to consider…as I said from someone who has been there, albeit many years ago, but has been there.</p>
<p>I know what you’re saying, and I have seen a few of my friends do the same thing. However, I’m trying to get as far away from high school as I possibly can and I will work hard to grow a support system because I know that I’ll need one to feel at home and happy at UNC.</p>
<p>IMO, with my roommate, I think she’d be better off without the boyfriend. They do have issues because it’s semi-long distance which has put added pressure on her. Plus, I think she hasn’t really dealt with the whole freshman transition (i.e. UNC is big, it can be hard to find your niche, sometimes it feels very isolating) because she’s so wrapped up with her BF. It’s like he’s her proxy.</p>
<p>Again, I’m aware that happens to a lot of people and I’m really going to try to avoid that. My roommate’s boyfriend is going to State so we’ll be in similar situations and can help each other out. I know it will be difficult, especially at first, but once we get used to college (and believe me, I’m going to make the transition because I really can’t wait to get involved in everything) I’m hoping it will be easier. I’m not really asking whether or not we should be together because I know all the pros and cons from my experience and from my friends’ experiences. I just want to know whether or not it would be too difficult to maintain a high school relationship between UNC and Duke.</p>
<p>I’m finishing up my first year at UNC and I’ve had a boyfriend at home all year (a year behind in school, an hour away from UNC). It is great to have him in my life because he pushes me to succeed and knows my abilities. But it really was NOT good for my social life. I missed him all the time, spent my weekends with him, didn’t make many friends because he was my best friend and I wanted him instead. It felt like UNC took him away from me, so I was pretty miserable my first semester (he really tried to get me to get more involved on campus this semester so it’s not a problem anymore). If you have any doubts about your relationship, I would suggest ending it. You are supposed to start a new life, and you can’t do that if you’re stuck wishing for/recreating your old one.</p>
<p>I have a question of my own for current students: is there a triangle transit bus that goes between UNC and State? If so, is it free with a unc/ncsu ID? If my boyfriend doesn’t get off UNC’s WL, nc state is the plan, and I really don’t wanna deal with the parking!</p>
<p>This brings back a lot of memories. I had a girlfriend still in high school when I was at ECU. I didn’t have a car, but managed to get home every weekend even though I was 2.5hours away. I also had a big phone bill. Having a girlfirend probably helped me with grades, since I wasn’t out partying, but it did limit me from getting involved socially. We broke up the summer after my freshman year. To get her off my mind I joined a frat my sophomore year. I made a ton of friends and had a lot of good times. If your boyfriend truly wants to continue your relationship, why not? From what I have read on this forum, there aren’t a lot of guys to date at UNC anyway. If he is wavering, end it being friends. Remember George on Seinfeld, when he felt his girlfriend was about to end it with him, and broke up with her first. That made his girlfriend really want him.</p>
<p>My roommates boyfriend goes to State and it is really easy for them. There is a Triangle Transit bus that goes directly to State and it’s not free but I think it is like 2 dollars. They see each other every weekend.</p>
<p>Honestly, if you both want to stay together, it will be fairly easy (and probably a lot better socially than if you were going to the same school). My bf just finished his freshman year at Chapel Hill, and we were two hours away this year. With everything we both had on our plates, we probably averaged 4-6 weeks between visits. Being 20-30 minutes away means you can see each other at least on the weekends and probably a couple of times a week. </p>
<p>But it does sound like your BF is wavering, and if he feels forced into staying together, the medium-distance thing is likely to fail just out of resentment. Long-distance is possible, but it takes both people being fully committed (and willing to let the other one branch out and change). Perhaps it’d be wiser for you two to take some time off when the year starts–it’s possible you’ll stay close even as you’re both changing, but if you do stay apart, that would be for the best too.</p>