My son is doctor diagnosed as 2 years delayed in puberty onset. This relates not just to height, but…everything. I just learned today some parents have child go to regular local HS freshmen year, then repeat freshman year at BS. Son is very smart, great with friendships, but has been bullied, badly sometimes, not just for height, but for “young” looks. He also is not at all into dating, crushes yet (I think also related to delayed puberty). People usually do not at all believe the grade he is in - most adults when meeting him think he is 2 or 3 grade levels younger than the truth.
FYI: he is delayed enough with height & puberty to have problems, but not quite delayed enough for doctors to do anything about it! So there is no medical fix we can access… just time & patience.
Do you think repeating freshmen year would be a good idea for my child in this situation? This would put him as starting BS as a 15 year old (turning 16 in early winter) as a freshman/1st year (but trust me, he will look 13 or 14! Right now he is 13 1/2 and looks 11 1/2.
We would NOT be doing this for sports. He is not a kid that we project playing varsity (though idk, at a small mid level school…maybe senior year in an unpopular sport if he begins working at it as a freshman?). He will not be an athletic recruit for BS nor for college, but maybe it would allow him to participate a bit more in sports when at BS? He will have an extra year to gain height, plus doc says when puberty finally starts, the height will gain a bit more accelerated for a year or so.
I’ve also thought it may prevent teasing as living in close quarters with other boys…and mine is so delayed, it will be visible to other boys in locker rooms, showers etc if there is not tons of privacy that he is delayed in puberty. That’s one thing about BS that worries me.
We are for sure doing 4 years of BS (God willing on the acceptances).
I think doing a repeat would be great for your son based on what you have described. I think doing a repeat can be great for a lot of kids for all sorts of reasons. To repeat 9 is nice so the student can have a full 4 yr experience. You should have zero concern about any stigma related to repeating.
OP wrote that his son “has been bullied, badly sometimes”.
Maybe a year of homeschooling if you think that he may be physically harmed or mentally scarred. Is there a small private day school in your local area ?
Boarding school is not immune to bullying practices.
I know parents that had accelerated their kid a grade or two in elementary school and then functionally faced the same issue you are facing when kid approached high school. The family sent the kid to a sport focused boarding school, where the kid “ran a lap” and learned to golf for a year. Ended up on the high school team when kid came back. Overall it was a good way to spend the year. I feel like you have to go with your gut. Life is not race. I’d do what you feel will serve him best.
I floated the idea to him today when I picked him up from school. He seemed not opposed, not all in either. Pretty neautral. I think he’s just going sit with this new possibility a while and see what he feels.
I think repeating is a good idea and wouldn’t seem unusual even if not for sports reasons. CTKid1 is a “true” sophomore at BS. He attended a small private school since preschool and had no academic reason to repeat 9th. He’s normal to average size for his age but as an athlete is on the small side, as most of his athletic peers are repeats. But he holds his own. CTKid2 (2 years younger) is very undersized. A preemie and just genetically smaller. Just starting to have a growth spurt at age 14. He’ll be attending a day school for high school and although we had various other reasons for not seriously considering BS, one is that he just looks and seems very young. He’s been fine at his current school with lifelong friends, but the BS environment seemed like too much. CTKid1 has handled social issues and other BS issues very well, but I feel that Kid2 is too young, though very mature in certain respects. Best wishes to you and your son!
He hasn’t been physically harmed. We have been in some talks with school personnel to make sure bullying is … (sigh) …idk. It’s hard for them to prevent or deal with it. So we just keep them aware
school at one point wanted hito help.them do a sting operation to catch a few of the kids! My son would’ve had a nervous breakdown!
But at least so it is not out of control. And he does have some friends. He does. Of course, we constantly boost him up and also find things he can do well and thrive in to build his self-esteem, to try and counteract the negative. So all is not terrible or bleak.
It’s just, he looks so young. And body-wise, health-wise, if you drew his blood & tested his hormones, he’s a full 2 chronological years behind the majority of the other boys. So idk, it just seems like, why make this poor kid keep getting thrown in with these groups of kids who are bigger & at a different stage in their lives than him? He’s basically an 11 year old physically, but because his birthday says he’s 13, he is thrown in with 13 year olds all day. Which intellectually is fine, he’s smart, can do 13 or even 14 year old+ academics. But it’s the physical. And the coming hormonal.changes his friends will be (or are) going through. It’s going to make it hard for him to relate to them.
He’s hanging in there and has friends & loves a lot of his teachers, but when I saw this other option…?
I’m an overprotective parent, so I don’t know if this is the correct advice or not, but I’d be concerned about my bullied kid living away from home. What about a day school near you, and having him repeat 9th grade there?
One idea you may not have considered is sending him to a junior boarding school (which ends in 9th grade) for a year. My son attended one as a day student for a year, then repeated 9th grade in his boarding school. The junior boarding schools lose a bunch of kids in 8th grade, and a bunch come in just for a year in 9th so your son would not be the only new 9th grader.
My opinion is that surviving and thriving are two very different things. I would pull my kid from school altogether, or repeat a year, or do whatever interesting arrangement would work to ensure that he could have a highschool experience that he remembered with joy instead of sadness.
We had friends face a similar situation but without the boarding school consideration. They had their son repeat 8th grade instead of 9th. Academically completely unnecessary, but he looked and acted a couple years younger than chronological age. To avoid some stigma he transferred to a different public school for the repeat 8th grade year. When he started 9th he transferred back to his old district.
He is just finishing up 9th grade year now, and I think both parents and kids are pretty happy with the decision. Both to preserve athletic eligibility and to just have a cleaner HS transcript they decided to do 8th instead of 9th.
Do you have a middle school near you with multi/mixed age classrooms? A Montessori middle school would be ideal, but it’s hard to find. There would be kids of varying maturity and ability. They’d be able to challenge him while building his confidence and no one would blink an eye at his size. He’d be repeating 8th rather than 9th, but it would be a real “finishing” year and they can accelerate academics if he needs it.
My son was about a year younger than anyone in his public school classes (made the age cut off by one day). Any later, then he would’ve been in the next year’s HS class. We were elated to get him out of daycare and into schools. As time grew on, we faced the same issues as you – he was on the smaller side. Many of his classmates were a year older, some were even 1.5 years older.
This difference was even more noticeable in 9th grade when he entered boarding school and found repeaters. There were some kids in his class who were 2+ years older than him. Intellectually son was fine, but it was a bit strange to meet his older classmates. He sprouted like a tree during the summer between 10th and 11th grade.
But if I had to do it all over again, I agree that repeating 9th grade might be a wise choice in your situation.
Homeschooling for a year through Stanford University might be worth considering if feasible.
Another thought is that the Groton School (an elite boarding school with some day students) starts in 8th grade. But need to investigate housing since 8th & 9th graders are, or at least were, housed together in an open dorm with separation walls which did not reach to the ceiling.
Junior boarding school might be an interesting option. They go up to 9th grade and many of the kids then repeat 9th at another boarding school. Or he could repeat 8th there, apply for sophomore BS spots after graduating.
Cardigan Mountain, Fay, Bement, Indian Mountain School, Eaglebrook, Fessenden…