<p>My son is a prep. school senior boarding student, he has submitted EA applications to five colleges and is a recruited athlete at these schools. He was caught and suspended for the rest of the quarter (not expelled) from school for leaving his dorm after curfew and being present at an on campus party where he and a number of students were drinking. It is his first offense at his school. We have been notified that he and the school are required to submit letters to notify the schools where he has applied and is being recruited. He has taken the initiative to call the each coach and notify them of his poor judgment to try to minimize the potential effects and be honest and upfront. Naturally as parents we are concerned that he has jepardized his opportunities. Any Advice and feedback from parents who have had similar issues on the fallout would be appreciated.</p>
<p>As someone who works in a hs college counseling office, I have seen this scenario before. The key is the letter your son writes. He needs to accept responsibility and ownership for what happened. Blaming the school’s rules or various friends will not help. Frame it as a learning experience and that he will faithfully follow rules in college because of this experience. If he can share this experience with younger students - he should do that and write about it in the letter. For example, does his school sponsor an alcohol awareness night for 10th graders, or something similiar? He could speak at that, share his experience, and then write about it. The letter needs to convey humility and apology. Good luck.</p>
<p>I have some expertise on this subject. Agree with the above poster. Your son’s letter AND how the school reports will be key. It is unfortunate that this happened senior year-it helps if there is some time to show “growth” and lessons learned, etc. That said, I know of a senior boarder who was expelled in December from one of the very top boarding schools in the country. He was taken in by another boarding school who believed this was a one-time stupid move. The kid was also an athletic recruit. He was a model citizen and student (before and after the incident) and was still recruited strongly for his sport and is at Columbia. Colleges (and coaches) recognize the pitfalls- especially for boarding students. Feel free to PM me.</p>
<p>kids make mistakes, is also called being human. do all the right responses as the above posts mention. taking real responsibility is key. and recognizing safety concerns that were associated with the bad behavior. </p>
<p>We’re over the top concerned about bad behavior these days but for good reasons, occasionally kids get seriously hurt or killed, which of course is not acceptable. it’s a tough issue.</p>
<p>but everyone makes mistakes, including college coaches and admissions personnel.</p>
<p>I like the idea of moving him to another school so that he doesn’t get F’s for everything he misses between now and the end of the quarter. That could REALLY screw up his GPA. Has the school said whether or not he’ll be given F’s for each day and test?</p>
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<p>This I find odd. Where is this requirement? </p>
<p>Typically, you or your son have to give permission to your son’s high school in order for them to release info to any 3rd party. So, how can they demand that your son (and they) contact his schools again (I’m assuming from the way you phrased this that this school has already sent transcripts and such out to your son’s schools before this infraction.) </p>
<p>Each time we wanted our kids’ high school to provide info to colleges - for transcripts for admission, for mid-year reports, for year-end reports, we had to sign permission for that.</p>
<p>The school is required to update the colleges regarding disciplinary issues- at least with the final transcript. I agree with the school that sooner is better than later.</p>
<p>Thanks for everyone’s response. My son is required by the boarding school to submit a letter explaining the disciplinary action and his plan for renewal, this is required based on the question asked on all college applications “have you ever been suspended or expelled, or had a discipilary action in any school you have attended”. My son is naturally full of remorse and embarassement based on his poor decisions. It is his first DC at school and has never been a problem to us at home. He has written letters of heartfelt apology and plan of renewal to his fellow student leaders, faculty members, and headmasters. He has also called the coaches at the colleges he is being recruited by and has applied EA, all of them confirmed that he showed alot of character by taking action and being honest and upfront with them. He was really relieved when they confirmed the incident would not jeopordize his recruiting status or addmissions chances. This was my sons first DC at the school in which he has attended for three years, he was suspended for five weeks, stripped of his leadership position, sports captaincies, senior priviliges, has to perform 40 hours of community service, and earn his trust back by returning as a day student upon his return in Jan/Feb, he will be allowed back to full boarding school status for the last quarter for graduation. He will also be studying remotley with help from tutors and his teachers, he is working very hard to keep up with his studies. Although a very harsh punishment as parents we feel fortunate that his peers and school faculty felt highly enough of my son and did not expell him from the school (very unusual based on the schools history). As parents we feel that we have to turn this situation into a learning experience and life lesson. He has commited to the process of renewal and from his actions thus far feel that he will come out of this as a better person and hopefully make better decisions in college. where he will truly be on his own without our presence while exposed to many more temptations.</p>
<p>MJP, I commend you and your son for taking the high road.</p>
<p>On so many threads similar to this one, the parents rush in to the school, saying “no fair, unduly harsh, not appropriate for my precious darling…”</p>
<p>On so many threads similar to this one, the suspended student is more concerned that s/he got caught, than he is about what he actually did to incur the punishment.</p>
<p>There is rarely any introspection or remorse. However, it appears your son has displayed both. Your son was also upfront and truthful about it. Because of this, not only will he land on his feet, he will actually be elevated by the experience. His potential coaches have already recognized this.</p>
<p>I’m really impressed with how your son has handled this, and I suspect colleges will be as well. (It is extraordinarily harsh punishment.)</p>
<p>I think the absolutely most important thing you can do right now is assure your son that everything will be fine no matter what the colleges choose to do. You have a lot of good advice here to follow and hopefully the outcome is good. There was a very sad story at Andover a few years ago when Princeton rescinded admission over a similar incident and the boy took his life.</p>
<p>heyalb - the reason this thread sounds so much better is because the parent is writing this, and most likely it’s how she feels and believes, there is no adult that would contradict that. If it was the son that was writing this, no matter how apologetic he is or how sincere he is, I would bet 10 to 1 there would be parents on this board who would not believe him and would accuse him of just worrying about getting into a school.</p>
<p>OP, best of luck to your son. I hope it turns out well for him. You are great for supporting him.</p>