<p>My daughter has a very bad roommate, her roommate disturbs my daughter's sleep on purpose by turning all the lights on in the night, mess up my daughter's bed, throw her stuff on the floor, even bring boy to have sex in the dorm. My daughter is afraid to be back to the dorm, she is planning to talk to RA. I don't know if RA will be helpful for this since she needs a immediate room change, I think we need to talk to the Director instead of RA, since my daughter doesn't want parents to be involve, I don't know how parents can contact school to help her and don't let my daughter know at the same time. This is kind of urgent, any advice will be very appreciate.</p>
<p>Tell her to call the director or you will. The sooner the better. The RA is not trained for this kind of severe behavior.</p>
<p>Thanks Rhandco! Is there any way that my daughter doesn’t know that I call the director?</p>
<p>Sorry she is having such a difficult start roommate-wise. Have your daughter go to the RA immediately and say that things are out of control, there is no hope of fixing the situation and that she needs this to be taken up with ResLife and a room change needs to be made immediately. If the RA doesn’t act in a day or two she should make an appointment with the Director of ResLife. And if that doesn’t work then I’d say that you have to talk to your D and get involved,. The kids all want to be independent at college and I understand that but for better or worse there are times when college administrators listen to parents (who are footing the bill) more than students. In my S’s four years of undergraduate I had to get involved twice (one situation was so bad that multiple parents called to complain) and in both cases a call (or calls) from parent(s) helped to straighten things out pretty quickly. Both times my S went through all the right channels but nobody acted on his problem and he agreed (with great frustration) with my making the call.</p>
<p>Contact the RA first, he/ she may or may not be able to do anything but if she isn’t, she should go up the chain of command. If she doesn’t, then you can contact the next person yourself.</p>
<p>Don’t just skip her, you undermine her position. </p>
<p>Thanks very much happy1 !. My daughter tried to talk to RA, but the RA was sick for two days, so RA postponed to meet my daughter today, but I really doubt the RA can help her to solve this problem immediately. My daughter almost has no place to stay, I really don’t know the dorm situation in college is in such bad condition. </p>
<p>Thanks very much everyone’s response. </p>
<p>I respectfully disagree. Her roommate is inviting a guy over nightly to have sex in the room when your daughter is present? Her roommate is intimidating her, waking her up in the middle of the night? Throwing your daughter’s clothes around the room?</p>
<p>This is BULLYING/HARASSMENT. You said she is afraid to return to her dorm room! </p>
<p>Fine - have her contact the RA, tell them to contact residence life immediately, while your daughter is present. If the RA balks, she should go directly to residence life/the director herself.</p>
<p>Do you honestly imagine that someone who has been intimidating and harassing your daughter, and having sex with her (hopefully) boyfriend in the room while your daughter is present is going to respond to a talk from the RA “hey, please stop”?</p>
<p>If your daughter does not get this resolved today, you call tomorrow.</p>
<p>This is not a bad grade, this is her life for 156 hours per week she is not in class. Everything you describe falls under harassment laws, RAs are trained to deal with tiffs like “he plays music too loud” not a litany of abuse.</p>
<p>Look up the residence life website at the college, here is a handbook on residence life for Columbia as an example:
<a href=“Page Not Found - Columbia College Chicago”>Page Not Found - Columbia College Chicago;
<p>I am not sure if she would find out if you called the director, but tell me - WHO is paying for college, you or her?</p>
<p>If you are paying most of the college bill, it is your <em>right</em> to make sure your daughter is safe, a very basic requirement for paying for college.</p>
<p>Thanks very much! I am heartbroken and try to find the best way to help her. I will wait to see if she can get help from RA today</p>
<p>I am sure it will get better, but something does need to be done. It is totally not fair to your daughter. Today is Thursday, so if nothing is done today, plan to call tomorrow IMHO.</p>
<p>I don’t think in general this is that common, but some people don’t have morals and when they are living with someone else, a stranger, that shows. It could be the roommate is trying to get a single, but she should be charged with bullying IMHO by the university.</p>
<p>Good luck, I hope this can be resolved.</p>
<p>Yes. it is totally unfair to my daughter. Hopefully, she will get the help from RA and get the room change immediately, otherwise, I will get involved to help her.</p>
<p>She should march down to the housing office ASAP and let them know what is going on. She should try to do that herself with you as her back up if she needs it.</p>
<p>And if the roommate says, “Yes, I turn on my small desk light when I come into the room at night. I guess I sat on my roommate’s bed and wrinkled it, and I did knock a pile of stuff on the floor” and then launches into a litany about what it wrong with YOUR daughter as a roommate . . . </p>
<p>No doubt these two should not be living together, but you are getting just one side of the story. I guarantee the first thing the director will say when approached by either one of you is, “Have you spoken with your RA?” Make sure the answer to that question is yes. Go through channels. Get out ASAP. In most places, this is not a long process, especially as the semester winds down and spaces are opening up. Be pushy with your D to get moving, and you can threaten to take matters into your own hands if she doesn’t. If you do, however, be prepared for that other side of the story to come back at you. </p>
<p>Thanks again for all of your advice. The fact I knew is my D had no place to go yesterday night due to the roommate’s severe behaviors, and she doesn’t want to bother her friends, so she stayed in the lounge instead. I am really worry her safe due to her roommate’s behavior.</p>
<p>We all want our sons/daughters to be strong and independent. but at this point, I think it’s time for you to intervene. Your daughter has dealt with enough. Call housing today.</p>
<p>Upon reading your additional comments that she won’t go to her dorm room, I would think that you should talk to her, let her know that she has done everything right according to the protocol and that you are proud of the way she is dealing with it, but given that you are paying a huge bill for her to dorm that it feels like it is time for you to step in and that you are going to call the head of ResLife. You can relate that you have heard schools react to a parents complaint faster than a students and even though that is not right, that is the way things seem to work and especially with her RA not being available it seems like time you try to help to get her into a better living situation.</p>
<p>I’m a little confused…everything describes sounds like thoughtless, if not a bit rude, roommate behavior but nothing so extreme as to qualify as harassment or abuse or bullying. Has the daughter even spoken to the roommate? She might genuinely not realize she’s bothering her so much by turning on the lights (I’ve been guilty of this), knocking over some stuff (accidentally? I’m guilty of this), and inviting a guy over for the night (guilty again). Where are we getting that this is happening “nightly?” Why are we assume the roommate is deliberately throwing stuff around for pure spite? I agree that she should talk to the RA, but I don’t understand how any of this doesn’t fall into the “music too loud” mundane stuff that RAs are used to.</p>
<p>RA let my D filling the form for room changing, but it looks like not the immediately room change. I will call the director or fly to there talk to them.</p>
<p>My son had a similar situation. The RA was not helpful. A direct and polite email to the VP of Student Services – who I had met a year earlier when discussing a graduation situation for my older son – there was a room change that afternoon to a single in a neighboring dorm. I said that I would normally let the kids handle this in conjunction with the RA but it seemed that my son was unable to make any headway and the roommate was unwilling to alter his behavior. I said that I was concerned that this situation had the potential to explode into a physical confrontation. True concerns by the way.</p>
<p>Sister several years ago was in a situation that sounds similar, except that it had escalated to the point where the roommate had threatened to harm her. It was not taken seriously until mom talked to an administrator and told them that she had a lawyer and was going to be coming to remove my sister from school that day unless they gave her a new room, which did happen that day. I would agree that this has the potential to escalate and that it needs to be taken seriously.</p>